Personallity transplant?

My sweet natured, demure, shy, 20 year old daughter passed her test last week. She now has a 1.1 litre Ford Fiesta. On her first trip out, with me in the passenger seat, while waiting to pull out of a side turning, she wound down the window and yelled some rather abusive language at the innocent driver behind. Even when I pointed out that the beep she had heard, had actually been from her own radio, she showed no remorse.

Next day, she told me about a woman that had "cut her up". Once she caught the lady at the traffic lights, she got out of her car and gave this woman a piece of her mind.

Following day, she took her friend into town. Having been cut up by another driver in a car park, she gets out of her car and thumps on this drivers window and gives him a right ear full.

I have tried to tell her that she MUST learn to calm down. I have never, in my life, got out of my car to confront another driver. I much prefer the strategy of tut tutting in silence and getting on with my life. Even though I am far better equipped, physically, to deal with agro, should the need arise.

How on earth do I convince her that her behaviour is not normal, and is, in fact, darn right dangerous. I can only imagine that she will, sooner or later, come unstuck. Romford, is just not the sort of place you can get away with this sort of thing indefinately. Actually her driving is pretty good, but this aspect really worries me.

Everyone believes that they are the best driver on the planet.

The attitude you're describing is, unfortunately, common in young drivers. It'll pass, so as long as she's not actually smashing the window and lamping the other guy I don't think you've anything to worry about.

It sounds awful, but what you should look forward to is her first accident (hoping no-one is hurt, that goes without saying). That calmed me down no end. In an instant I stopped tear-a*sing around and realised there's a bit more skill to the whole driving lark.

My own driving career is "on hold" right now as you probably know, it has taken a wake-up call to bring reality in, luckily no harm done but once again when I do get back behind the wheel I'll be a better driver for it.

Everyone believes that they are the best driver on the planet.

Click to expand...

Actually she doesn't seem to suffer from this. I think she realises that I am.

But seriously, people have been murdered around these parts as a result of road rage. Handguns in the glove box, or under the drivers seat, are not uncommon. Confronting strangers in an agressive manner, in thier car, is just excedingly dangerous.

Though I can't speak for your daughter, I have a much younger brother who only recently turned 18 and passed his test. They live in Brentwood and he is also very keen to start giving it 'all that' at the first sign of any car-related trouble. He is also very lucky not to have had a good kicking, but I think it all stems from the most current batch of reality shows where conflicts are set up so that we can all sit back and watch people have a good row.

How to cure your daugther, I don't know, but I would really try to impress on her that she must not get out of her car and start approaching other people. I hear about my Mum & Dad's friend's children being dragged out of cars in Harold Wood and all sorts all the time.

Failing that, do what most other Essex Dad's do - Sell up, move to the middle of nowhere in France and insist the whole family come with you. You'll only ever meet fellow ex-pats so there's no need to learn the language.

TexMex said:

How on earth do I convince her that her behaviour is not normal, and is, in fact, darn right dangerous. I can only imagine that she will, sooner or later, come unstuck.

Click to expand...

There are plenty road rage website if you can get your daughter to read them, here one of them. The other one is to do advance driving test if she think she's a good driver

Do you know about Driver Plus via your ex-driving instructor which my 17 yrs old son passed. It's not a driving test but you drive on the motorway for 5 to 6 hour lesson to see how calm you are etc, if you passed, you get certificate number to pass on to your insurance company which give you up to 35% discount on the premium. Cost between £120 to £160.

Anyone who have a temper or shouting is basically a weak person.

If anyone cut me up I always slow down and let them in and they thank you for it sometime

That is some temper! It is scary just how many normally mild-mannered, sensible, friendly people turn into a frothing-at-the-mouth fruitcake as soon as the seatbelt clicks into place.

I nearly got out once in my 8 years of driving, but I quickly realised that it is a no-win situation. At least one of you is going to get a black eye, and at least one of you will probably get arrested. So I found solice in the fact that he obviously had a boring insignificant life, a small todger and an ugly wife, so I gave him two fingers and got on with my life.

Your daughter's biggest problem is getting out of the car. If she can't control her temper, that in itself isn't the end of the world. With the windows up, provided she isn't "making evils" at the driver in their rearview mirror, she should be OK to mutter profanities and question the parentage of the other party.

I think that the reason young drivers are prone to this is because of lack of experience. Technically they can be good drivers because they haven't picked up bad habits yet (although amongst my friends and my sister's friends many deliberately started these, as if it is a sign of driving maturity ). However, they can't anticipate situations so well. Without realising it, when you drive you learn all the tell-tale characteristics of difference types of bad drivers.

Sooner or later it could well be a drug dealing lunatic or just the latter .. complete with sawn off or machette, with no compunction about pulling the trigger or slashing a human ..... End game.

I can understand that she has been given the message that her driving is 'perfect', having just passed her test, so any transgressions on the part of others must really upset her.

Perhaps she is now ready for an 'advanced' lesson with her old driving instructor about driving in the real world, not just control of a car to pass a test. He/ She can point out how she should behave.

It's funny how certain drivers seem to be 'cut-up' more than others isn't it?

Strangely enough it's mostly women too... A young laydee I know is always at the mercy of bad male drivers...

Truth of the matter is, some people can't drive for toffee, can't judge their vehicles dimensions and can't look futher than the end of their bonnet! Situational awareness, nil poi!

As for your daughter Tex, I can't even begin to imagine how you feel each time she drives off, you must worry yourself sick. Are you grey yet?

Thanks for the replies.

I hear about my Mum & Dad's friend's children being dragged out of cars in Harold Wood and all sorts all the time.

Click to expand...

My daughter lives in Harold Wood

Failing that, do what most other Essex Dad's do - Sell up, move to the middle of nowhere in France

Click to expand...

As it happens, I have already sold up, and I'm off to Grimsby (Geographically this is actually further than France). Unfortunately I've not been able to convince my daughter to come with us.

Do you know about Pass Plus

Click to expand...

She's done that already. It actually reduced her insurance, by more than the cost of the lessons.

I've been chatting to her about it again today and she has promised never to get out of the car to confront other drivers again. I think I've got through to her. Here's hoping.

It just seems such a strange phenomena, that someone's entire personality can change so much, just from driving. I can only assume that it's a stress thing.