I
imamartian
hate to be a killjoy, but isn't the Eng/Ire/Sco joke and the Paddy joke considered racist these days?
Do you consider your self a racist cumbrian? Or do you just think you are funny?
Why not go down to your local Irish bar and tell your jokes?
I know , you can use some children as your human shield , just like in the good old days.
An Englishman is strolling through the highlands of Scotland on a rare sunny afternoon. Upon reaching a highland burn running through the hills, he kneels down to take a refreshing drink, whereupon he is spotted by a highland gamekeeper'
"Och noo - ah widnae drink oot o' that watter,its git cow creehk and s***te in it!"
The englishman is greatly confused at the message, and replies "I'm terribly sorry sir, but i'm English and i couldn't understand a word you just said. Could you possibly repeat yourself slowly?"
"Ah, English!" comes the reply, "I said 'Use two hands, you'll get more!'"
Jon Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ).
He put on a clean shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with petrol (from SAUDI ARABIA )
He then spent the rest of the day at the job centre, wondering why he couldn't get a **** job in England!
An Englishman is strolling through the highlands of Scotland on a rare sunny afternoon. Upon reaching a highland burn running through the hills, he kneels down to take a refreshing drink, whereupon he is spotted by a highland gamekeeper'
"Och noo - ah widnae drink oot o' that watter,its git cow creehk and s***te in it!"
The englishman is greatly confused at the message, and replies "I'm terribly sorry sir, but i'm English and i couldn't understand a word you just said. Could you possibly repeat yourself slowly?"
"Ah, English!" comes the reply, "I said 'Use two hands, you'll get more!'"
Apparently the brits were the first to try to bury bin laden at sea but they failed miserably,
Every time they tried to dig some water out the hole just filled back up again.
Is that an offer?Best three things in life ---
A kiss before and a cuddle after.