HOW CAN I GET MY SON TO STUDY HARDER AND LONGER

Good Morning Folks

My son is in year 10 at school and will be having end of year exams in a few weeks’ time. He seems to do his homework and a bit of revision every evening, but looking at his recent grades, I am not convinced that he is fully concentrating on revising the material that the teacher has taught.

I have advised him to write down things so that he can remember them for longer. However, he continually insists on just reading the subject material from his exercise books and says he can just as easily remember the material learned this way. I have even suggested to him to learn a topic or paragraph and I will ask him questions regarding the material learned so to that I am convinced that he is understanding the subject. He is totally against that idea and says it is like being back at school. He seems to have an answer for everything, and I don’t know if it is his age or phase he is going through. Most of his grades are usually average or just below average. He seems to get the idea that if he studies harder and gets good grades then I will somehow benefit from the hard work and effort that he has put in. I have tried to explain that getting good grades would eventually help him to get into a good university and increase his prospects of getting a good career/job. However, that type of talk goes in through one ear and out through the other

Can someone please advise how I go about resolving this problem?


Thank You.

What does he do with the time you think he should spend revising ? TV? Out with his mates?

geek84 said:

I have tried to explain that getting good grades would eventually help him to get into a good university and increase his prospects of getting a good career/job.

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Are you sure he is academic ? A good university can be the worst place for a person who is not academic by nature. I would not push the "University is best" as a reason for getting good grades. Push the idea that getting good grades will give him a better chance of getting the job or starting the career he wants to be doing for the rest of his life.

A lot of parents do ( without realising it ) give their children the impression that the parents will be seen as successful parents only if they get their children into University.

Good Morning bernardgreen

Many hanks for your reply.

You state:
Push the idea that getting good grades will give him a better chance of getting the job or starting the career he wants to be doing for the rest of his life.

I have mentioned this idea to him on numerous occasions but like I mentioned in my original post this message seems to through one ear and out of the other !! He has also somehow got the idea that he will be doing me a favour by achieving good grades !!

at this stage in the game you wont change a lot you can cause as much harm as good
you know your child you know what motivation does 'you know what nagging or encouraging does

i would try and be positive
ask what he wants to be in life
points out the better jobs tend to need better qualifications but not always
doing your best is not a failure its just doing your best and if thats not a pass then thats life
i am not saying give up or dont push just work out what works and go for what acheivable and be happy with that rather than whats not acheivable with everyone upset
then the best you can hope for is gradual improvements
having said all that you must make sure all his attention is where it should be and not on social media or internet are his hormones going bezerk ??

The more you make an issue of it, the more stubborn he may become. Have you thought of the old fashioned reward system? He's still young enough to bribe!! Make it more of a fun challenge, for example, every grade he goes up, you treat him to something, up to you what it is - new trainers or a fun day out as a family? I have many friends who do this, if they get good grades or a good report at school, dinner out, their choice where they get to eat etc and lots of praise.

You can do the same with you testing him. Challenge him in a light hearted way with a spot quiz - if he thinks he has a photographic memory, then ask him to prove it. Every question he gets right gets a point and if he gets over a certain amount, he gets a treat. At least at the end of it, you'll both know if he's telling the truth over that ability!

I do know that when I was 10 years old, I couldn't have cared less about university. It just didn't compute in my 10 year old brain! Guess you have to remember still that he IS still a kid and has kid logic and thoughts. Worse comes to worse, he can always improve later in life when he's grown up. I had little interest in school, but did night classes and went to uni as a 'mature student' in my mid 20's instead of 18, I just needed a while to have fun and figure out what I wanted to do in life

Good luck!

I'm not convinced that the reward system is as good an idea as it seems. If you tell a kid that, if they work harder, they will get a reward if they achieve a higher grade, can end up having a negative impact. This is where you have to be careful, and is where big-all's notion of not every kid being academic comes into play.
For example, if you tell your child they will get a day out at Alton Towers (Other theme parks are available!) for studying harder and gaining mostly B's instead of C's, they may well study as hard as they possibly can but still end up with C's or worse. This would mean they feel they have done all that work for absolutely nothing and, for future exams, they may feel it's just not worth studying at all. That said, some kids will achieve better results just by putting in a little bit more work and reap the rewards, when they maybe could have done even better. I'm not saying don't try it, but I do believe it's one of those things that may work for some and not for others.

Also, as blightymam mentioned, he is still just a 10 year old kid, and I know that I didn't care about studying for tests at that age. The only thing that made me make sure I got the best grades I could was when my parents told me that, if I wanted to be in the same classes as my friends when I went to secondary school, I needed to work my hardest for the tests. It was a load of nonsense when I think back because half of my friends were happy just to pick their noses and flick it around the room, although, at 10 years old, I didn't realise that. I was a bit disappointed at first, after ending up being in different classes (sets) to some of my best friends, but soon realised that I was going to be much better off learning with kids at my level than some of those friends who hadn't done their best and were placed in lower sets. Again, though, many of those kids in the lower sets worked harder in the first year of secondary school to get out of those sets, so that may be what would happen with your son. You might just have to put the thought into your son's head that, if he hasn't studied his best, and ends up being separated from his friends at his next school, would he be disappointed?

At the end of the day, I think it's a case of everyone is different, has different abilities, and develop at different rates. If he is genuinely doing his best, and it's just you thinking that he's not, then pushing him too hard may make the studying more of an issue to him than it should be.

Good luck.

EDIT

After reading the posts below, I realised my mistake...but...ahem...I'm certain that a 14/15 year old will...umm...still heed the advice of not getting into the same...er...college/university as his friends! (Hope I get away with that!! )

Nagging doesn't work and rewards are really the wrong way to go. He is old enough to sort it out for himself if he wants to

isn't a year 10 student aged about 15?

For the benefit of others, the OP said his son was in year 10 which means he is 14/15 and next year will be taking his GCSEs. Perhaps him having a conversation with a careers advisor might help him get some idea of what he wants to do in the future. AS/A-Levels are not the only route available. Apprenticeships can now go up to degree level, so if academic study is not his bag, that might be a more suitable route for him to be aiming for. A good result in Maths and English language (equivalent to grade C in whatever assessment format they are using these days) will be important for future job prospects.

Bugger, I misread that! Ooops, sorry. Ahh, makes things different I think, rewards won't work at that age anyway.

Sounds like a typical teen then, not wanting to really work. Solution? Haven't a clue really other than encouragement & praise (not nagging).

geek84 said:

Most of his grades are usually average or just below average

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If that is the case then you may have to accept that average and below average grades are a true reflection of your son's ability. Look back over all his school reports: is there any indication that he has a flair for any particular subject? And at the next parents evening, have a word with his teachers about your concerns. As others have indicated, university is not for everyone.

Maybe he would like to be a tradesmans.

Andy

Tell him to train as a gas fitter - then he can join the bolshy sods on here and the combustion chamber. New blood is always needed

^