The Brexit Cake - funny

motorbiking said:

Another version..

Once upon a time a bunch of people thought it would be a good idea if the major waring nations in Europe could all get along better by having open trade. After all most of the wars were about wealth and who had what and who wanted what. So they formed a club and traded almost squabble free for a time. Soon some people in the club wanted more and spent lots of money campaigning for ways to get more. They came up with rules which favoured things that some were good at at the expense of others. Not everyone was happy so they spent more money campaigning for what they wanted. The club became bigger and more complicated with lots of people spending lots of money talking about things that never happened. Soon they decided to expand the club so there was even more money to spend on talking about things that would never happen. Nobody wanted to join, unless they too could get a bigger share than what they had. The club grew and grew and everyone squabbled. They needed a new way to force members to work together, so the took all their money away and put in it a big pot. Except not everyone wanted to do this. The club grew and grew and squabbled more and more, mostly talking about who'd spent money they hadn't put in. In the meantime everyone outside the club found ways to work together. Some people in the club thought it might be better being outside the club. The club was worried that everyone would want to leave so they set about making it as painful as possible for people to leave the club. This made people even more determined to leave. Eventually they left and the world didn't end. The end.

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SirGalahad said:

https://garybainbridge.com/2018/10/10/column-october-11-2018/

So I have decided to explain the Brexit process through the medium of cakes.

LEAVER: I want an omelette.

REMAINER: Right. It’s just we haven’t got any eggs.

LEAVER: Yes, we have. There they are. [HE POINTS AT A CAKE]

REMAINER: They’re in the cake.

LEAVER: Yes, get them out of the cake, please.

REMAINER: But we voted in 1975 to put them into a cake.

LEAVER: Yes, but that cake has got icing on it. Nobody said there was going to be icing on it.

REMAINER: Icing is good.

LEAVER: And there are raisins in it. I don’t like raisins. Nobody mentioned raisins. I demand another vote.

DAVID CAMERON ENTERS.

DAVID CAMERON: OK.

DAVID CAMERON SCARPERS.

LEAVER: Right, where’s my omelette?

REMAINER: I told you, the eggs are in the cake.

LEAVER: Well, get them out.

EU: It’s our cake.

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes, get them out now.

REMAINER: I have absolutely no idea how to get them out. Don’t you know how to get them out?

LEAVER: Yes! You just get them out and then you make an omelette.

REMAINER: But how?! Didn’t you give this any thought?

LEAVER: Saboteur! You’re talking eggs down. We could make omelettes before the eggs went into the cake, so there’s no reason why we can’t make them now.

THERESA MAY: It’s OK, I can do it.

REMAINER: How?

THERESA MAY: There was a vote to remove the eggs from the cake, and so the eggs will be removed from the cake.

REMAINER: Yeah, but…

LEAVER: Hang on, if we take the eggs out of the cake, does that mean we don’t have any cake? I didn’t say I didn’t want the cake, just the bits I don’t like.

EU: It’s our cake.

REMAINER: But you can’t take the eggs out of the cake and then still have a cake.

LEAVER: You can. I saw the latest Bake Off and you can definitely make cakes without eggs in them. It’s just that they’re horrible.

REMAINER: Fine. Take the eggs out. See what happens.

LEAVER: It’s not my responsibility to take the eggs out. Get on with it.

REMAINER: Why should I have to come up with some long-winded incredibly difficult chemical process to extract eggs that have bonded at the molecular level to the cake, while somehow still having the cake?

LEAVER: You lost, get over it.

THERESA MAY: By the way, I’ve started the clock on this.

REMAINER: So I assume you have a plan?

THERESA MAY: Actually, back in a bit. Just having another election.

REMAINER: Jeremy, are you going to sort this out?

JEREMY CORBYN: Yes. No. Maybe.

EU: It’s our cake.

LEAVER: Where’s my omelette? I voted for an omelette.

REMAINER: This is ridiculous. This is never going to work. We should have another vote, or at least stop what we’re doing until we know how to get the eggs out of the cake while keeping the bits of the cake that we all like.

LEAVER/MAY/CORBYN: WE HAD A VOTE. STOP SABOTAGING THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. EGGSIT MEANS EGGSIT.

REMAINER: Fine, I’m moving to France. The cakes are nicer there.

LEAVER: You can’t. We’ve taken your freedom of movement.



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durhamplumber said:

Please,for your own sanity,get out,walk the dog,you are mental.

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SirGalahad said:

Yet you are sane because you think we can sign 759 treaties within a few months?

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motorbiking said:

Another version..

Once upon a time a bunch of people thought it would be a good idea if the major waring nations in Europe could all get along better by having open trade. After all most of the wars were about wealth and who had what and who wanted what. So they formed a club and traded almost squabble free for a time. Soon some people in the club wanted more and spent lots of money campaigning for ways to get more. They came up with rules which favoured things that some were good at at the expense of others. Not everyone was happy so they spent more money campaigning for what they wanted. The club became bigger and more complicated with lots of people spending lots of money talking about things that never happened. Soon they decided to expand the club so there was even more money to spend on talking about things that would never happen. Nobody wanted to join, unless they too could get a bigger share than what they had. The club grew and grew and everyone squabbled. They needed a new way to force members to work together, so the took all their money away and put in it a big pot. Except not everyone wanted to do this. The club grew and grew and squabbled more and more, mostly talking about who'd spent money they hadn't put in. In the meantime everyone outside the club found ways to work together. Some people in the club thought it might be better being outside the club. The club was worried that everyone would want to leave so they set about making it as painful as possible for people to leave the club. This made people even more determined to leave. Eventually they left and the world didn't end. The end.

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durhamplumber said:

ROFL...What a hoot...great story.Thankyou

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SirGalahad said:

Remember you can find it in the fiction section.

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