My Best Friend's Marriage

toffee · 24 Jul 2007

also, maybe suggest to your pal that he mention to the health visitor about how his wife has been and is feeling.(push this if needs be, depending on the experience and attitude of health worker)

it is difficult if she doesnt recognise or believe there is any problem. (outside of the fact that she might have married him cold and calculating!)

Also, if your pal does feel suicidal, (seriously, not joking at all) then watch for when he seems suddenly upbeat.

Often, when people are tired, 'outwardly' depressed, they will not attempt.
When they appear to get back on track suddenly, seem happy, they then have the energy to act.

Terrywookfit · 24 Jul 2007

As somecne once said!
"A friend in need is a ROYAL PAIN IN THE A**E"

notb665 · 24 Jul 2007

Terrywookfit said:
notb65 said:

While I admit life can grind you down: your job, your health, other people, money, extended family etc; surely your partner and your home life should be a refuge, like a little bubble where nothing else matters? Where you can cuddle up to someone and forget about everything else?

Click to expand...

Since I split with my partner, My daughter left home and I have become a cynical git I find that :
A: I have never been happier.
B:I have no stress whatsoever.
C:I have more disposable income than I ever imagined possible
D: The only bubbles necessary are when you wash the dishes every week.

Where did you purchase your Rose tinted spectacles

____________________________________
Lynda, moderator,

Edited to correct quote

After being in a relationship for 10 years which was too much like hard work for 9 of them I left my wife. I loved her dearly but did not like the way I was being treated - my efforts at making the relationship work were sending me crazy, almost literally. It was a very hard decision to make and I didn't want to do it but nevertheless I did. I have been there - I had the darkest of thoughts many many times. Now a year down the line I am healing and have a stepdaughter and a biological son (born on Saturday) with someone, who despite being 9 years my junior (22), is a real woman and not an immature, materialistic, unspiritual, frigid, bullying, manipulative, selfish, self-indulgent, gluttonous little mummy's girl.

I have never been happier. It is amazing.

notb665 · 24 Jul 2007

toffee said:
The only person you are making feel better about telling his family is you.
Sorry if this sounds harsh.. (if I was your close pal I probably couldnt say that in case it made you feel bad but im not so I can say it!)

No need to be sorry, but I know what you mean. It wouldn't make me feel better if I told his parents, I just want him happy, but I know there is only so far I can go, he has to do the work, not me.

gcol · 24 Jul 2007

Congrats for the new arrival mate.

oilman · 25 Jul 2007

toffee said:
Counsellors etc are there to help your friend face the sometimes ugly thoughts that we as friends dont want to go to .
Friends are not best placed to counsel as we have expectations of our pals and that is to 'be on side'..
Counsellors are paid to help people like your friend and allow you to do what you do best.. simply be there.

This is a big burden on you and I wonder if you can say to your pal that you are there for them but maybe tlking to someone not involved may help?
Your pal might apologise to you for burdening their sadness on you.. or maybe not.
An idea is to set boundaries for example, on the limit of how long you will you spent on the topic of his wife.

This illustrates the difference between men and women. Men take risks and offer a view, even if it isn't palatable. Women tend to empathise. I don't set boundaries, limits, or anything else. I do not do this with many people as "friends" are few and far between. If you're setting limits, they ain't a friend.

notb665 · 25 Jul 2007

oilman said:
I don't set boundaries, limits, or anything else. I do not do this with many people as "friends" are few and far between. If you're setting limits, they ain't a friend.

I agree with you, Oilman.

notb665 · 25 Jul 2007

gcol said:
Congrats for the new arrival mate.

Thanks!

empip · 25 Jul 2007

gcol said:
Congrats for the new arrival mate.

You saying what I am thinking ?

Richardp · 25 Jul 2007

sorry, shouldnt joke about it!

My Best Friend's Marriage

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