Do I tell the wife?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by sxturbo, 26 Nov 2021.

?

Do I tell the wife

  1. Yes

    6 vote(s)
    75.0%
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
    25.0%
  1. bernardgreen

    bernardgreen

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    The secret of a happy relationship is to have no secrets.
     
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  3. fillyboy

    fillyboy

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    Tell her **** all. Set up a separate savings account in your name and do a monthly transfer to that account, not all of the rise but a good chunk.
    The chances are that in the future you'll use it to bail her out in any case, maybe if things go well you can surprise her in a few years time with that new kitchen.

    If things don't go so well, you'll have an emergency exit fund if you ever need to do a runner.

    I'm not trying to be malicious or flippant, I got wiped out financially in my 30's because of a woman. I managed to get back on my feet and more importantly, back on the property ladder. That said, I'll have to work like a Polish plumber well into retirement age.

    If you have any doubts whatsoever, it will be a lot better to get out when your 40, rather than 50 or 60.

    Good luck whatever route you choose.
     
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  4. Munroast

    Munroast

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    So you have told the entire internet and you haven't told her - you're going to be in big big trouble lad.
     
  5. Harry Bloomfield

    Harry Bloomfield

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    Whilst that is the ideal, it often would not work..
     
  6. sxturbo

    sxturbo

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    The internet don't know who I am...
     
  7. Old Salt

    Old Salt

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    No, but we suspect you drive an sx turbo and live in Essex :D
     
  8. noseall

    noseall

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    The forum haters will tell you to keep it a secret. It would however be sensible to tell her. It's a very odd relationship you have though.
     
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  9. AngleEyes

    AngleEyes

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    Me? I'm going to do a 'Mottie'. I don't care.
    I don't care if you tell your wife or not.
    Can we have a 'I don't care' option in the poll?
     
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  11. sxturbo

    sxturbo

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    I have told her.

    I knew I would deep down as I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

    Laid some rules out though and have said the extra cash is going in savings
     
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  12. sxturbo

    sxturbo

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    Yeah it maybe, there's alway more to it though and I've only mentioned the bad bits and they are likely one sided as to how im feeling at the point of time writing it.

    On this particular subject I wondered what the consensus would be.
     
  13. Lower

    Lower

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    I don’t think your relationship sounds odd. It’s sounds very similar to the relationships lots of my friends and their wives have.

    My wife works full time and has a very good income (though not as much as me, which is good for my old fashioned ego) which means that we’re lucky enough to not worry about money. However, she also spends way more than me on herself and it’s a constant theme of me winding back her spending. She keeps talking about early retirement and me supporting her, and my response is always the same. She can retire when she winds back her spending.
     
    Last edited: 27 Nov 2021
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  14. johnny2007

    johnny2007

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    I've always earned a lot more than my wife.
    All our money go in the same pot and used as and when needed.
    My wife has always looked after the children and the house, I made money for the family.
    She worked part time to get out of the house and away from the screaming kids, but she didn't need to, I earned enough.
    I never understood families with separate pots, this is mine, this is yours.
    How do you keep track of non quantifiable contributions like looking after the kids, do the washing, cooking, cleaning, etc.?
    What about taxing the kids around the various activities?
    Do you mark how many miles you do for yourself and how many you do for the family?
    I have a headache just thinking of this.
    I must've been lucky that my wife was never a big spender and still to these days doesn't fancy expensive useless stuff.
    Tell your wife about the pay rise and put everything in one pot.
    Your relationship should be based on trust, trust that you will also act reasonably with money.
     
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  15. IT Minion

    IT Minion

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    I like splitting the extra when you get a pay rise. Spend some, save some. That way you get to enjoy it but also feel virtuous.
     
  16. Notch7

    Notch7

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    It can be hard to trust a partner to act reasonably with money when you know they aren’t.
     
  17. johnny2007

    johnny2007

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    Got the wrong partner then.
     
  18. wgt52

    wgt52

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    I would but the wife and I have a good relationship with each other and money.
    We also have our own separate bank accounts - I pay the big bills, she buys most of the day to day foodstuffs and presents. My accountant recommended that when we got married. We also have a separate account to pay the household bills (Council Tax, utilities, insurances, repars) which we both pay into; we started doing that when we first bought a house but not living there / together to ensure we paid equally.

    Would hate to be in the position that a workmate was in - his wife referred to his salary as 'Our money', her salary as 'My money', he paid everything in the house.
     
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