Fatherhood

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Never thought I'd write a post like this guess it's something to draw a line under what's happened to me this week and what I've learned from it.

I've been in hospital since Saturday afternoon when I fell trough some upstairs joists at home 16ft onto my garage floor breaking my hip in the process (they put 2 plates in it today and I'll have to have a hip replacement in later life but I'll be ok)

I've a 2 year old daughter, still married to her mam and we all live together. I never wanted children I've 7 nieces and nephews and never felt the need but not long after we got married the wife decided we we're either having a child or she was off.

Went along with it what the hell get my whistle wet and might take ages, Er no but anyway a little girl soon arrives, we had her out the sunroof so first few months I was on everything as wife couldn't get up and downstairs etc. And couldn't risk her injuring herself or baby.

No problems she's great fits nicely in my forearm, makes a noise she just wants feeding, changing, winding or holding etc.

As a person I'm very rigid and my wife says somewhat cold in my emotions and the way I approach things, I've always viewed everything as, 'right what's the problem, what's the possible solutions pick one and get on with it' I've always been very much the same with anyone else' problems too I don't sugar coat stuff life doesn't work that way. What evers in front of you needs dealing with and in most outcomes the sun will still come up tomorrow and things will get better even if that is the ending of a relationship or things do feel a bit bleak.

So back to the daughter the last 18 months I've not known how to deal with her, spending time with her and having her doesn't fit into that breakdown methodology above so it's left me at a loss on what I'm supposed to do, and sometimes left me dreading the one day a week I have her on my own.

My wife and I are fortunate to be ok for money so I'll always take her places even if its just to the park or whatever and she has plenty of toys but that middle 18months has been difficult to muddle through, Ive never really been able to talk to my wife about it as most arguments we have that concern my daughter usually end in I never wanted her in the first place so why do I care.

The last 3 or 4 months my daughter has developed massively, she's talking very well, running and jumping around and full of life and telling you what she wants to do,

We moved a little over a year ago and built a big extension and I've more or less been flat out 7 days a week every week since so I've not had so many days with the her but the extension needs doing and once it is ill have all the time for her, it's for her benefit. The truth is ragging myself so hard is probably what cuased the accident but that's irrelevant now it here.

The hospital I'm in won't allow any visits on the trauma wards from any under 11s as there pretty much little germs bags so I've not seen my daughter properly since putting her to bed Friday night and what I've realised from all of this is there's no one in the world that I want to see more than my little girl yet somehow before all this I couldn't see I had those feelings.

Chris
 
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As a person I'm very rigid and my wife says somewhat cold in my emotions and the way I approach things, I've always viewed everything as, 'right what's the problem, what's the possible solutions pick one and get on with it' I've always been very much the same with anyone else' problems too I don't sugar coat stuff life doesn't work that way. What evers in front of you needs dealing with and in most outcomes the sun will still come up tomorrow and things will get better even if that is the ending of a relationship or things do feel a bit bleak.

Much like me, or rather as I assume people see me to be, priorities first, sort things needing to be sorted first - then there is time for the 'niceties'.

So back to the daughter the last 18 months I've not known how to deal with her, spending time with her and having her doesn't fit into that breakdown methodology above so it's left me at a loss on what I'm supposed to do, and sometimes left me dreading the one day a week I have her on my own.

Likewise here, but as they become bigger/older, they tend to to gain more relevance to me.

The hospital I'm in won't allow any visits on the trauma wards from any under 11s as there pretty much little germs bags so I've not seen my daughter properly since putting her to bed Friday night and what I've realised from all of this is there's no one in the world that I want to see more than my little girl yet somehow before all this I couldn't see I had those feelings.

Stuck there, with all the pressures of having to work taken away from you, unable to do anything constructive, time to think - it seems like a perfectly natural reaction.
 
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Never thought I'd write a post like this guess it's something to draw a line under what's happened to me this week and what I've learned from it.

I've been in hospital since Saturday afternoon when I fell trough some upstairs joists at home 16ft onto my garage floor breaking my hip in the process (they put 2 plates in it today and I'll have to have a hip replacement in later life but I'll be ok)

I've a 2 year old daughter, still married to her mam and we all live together. I never wanted children I've 7 nieces and nephews and never felt the need but not long after we got married the wife decided we we're either having a child or she was off.

Went along with it what the hell get my whistle wet and might take ages, Er no but anyway a little girl soon arrives, we had her out the sunroof so first few months I was on everything as wife couldn't get up and downstairs etc. And couldn't risk her injuring herself or baby.

No problems she's great fits nicely in my forearm, makes a noise she just wants feeding, changing, winding or holding etc.

As a person I'm very rigid and my wife says somewhat cold in my emotions and the way I approach things, I've always viewed everything as, 'right what's the problem, what's the possible solutions pick one and get on with it' I've always been very much the same with anyone else' problems too I don't sugar coat stuff life doesn't work that way. What evers in front of you needs dealing with and in most outcomes the sun will still come up tomorrow and things will get better even if that is the ending of a relationship or things do feel a bit bleak.

So back to the daughter the last 18 months I've not known how to deal with her, spending time with her and having her doesn't fit into that breakdown methodology above so it's left me at a loss on what I'm supposed to do, and sometimes left me dreading the one day a week I have her on my own.

My wife and I are fortunate to be ok for money so I'll always take her places even if its just to the park or whatever and she has plenty of toys but that middle 18months has been difficult to muddle through, Ive never really been able to talk to my wife about it as most arguments we have that concern my daughter usually end in I never wanted her in the first place so why do I care.

The last 3 or 4 months my daughter has developed massively, she's talking very well, running and jumping around and full of life and telling you what she wants to do,

We moved a little over a year ago and built a big extension and I've more or less been flat out 7 days a week every week since so I've not had so many days with the her but the extension needs doing and once it is ill have all the time for her, it's for her benefit. The truth is ragging myself so hard is probably what cuased the accident but that's irrelevant now it here.

The hospital I'm in won't allow any visits on the trauma wards from any under 11s as there pretty much little germs bags so I've not seen my daughter properly since putting her to bed Friday night and what I've realised from all of this is there's no one in the world that I want to see more than my little girl yet somehow before all this I couldn't see I had those feelings.

Chris
Just go with it. There are no set ways to be a father. Just don't wish your time away. As parents we are always looking toward that next milestone with our sprogs.....first walk...lose that dummy...first birthday...start school...etc.
 
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Yes, I have 3 boys. Funnily enough, we had a few names for girls but we were stuck for girl's.

Yearned for a girl (who would have been called Holly) but it never was to be.

There was a time it seemed they were constantly in nappies/ training pants, and I wished they would grow up just a little quicker.

Now the eldest is nearly 23, I look back with regret and wish I had never felt that way. The time has shot by. And thanks to my neighbour who told me years ago that "Time goes much faster the older you get."

As far as money goes, kids would far rather have your attention than loads of toys.
 
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I've not seen my daughter properly since putting her to bed Friday night and what I've realised from all of this is there's no one in the world that I want to see more than my little girl yet somehow before all this I couldn't see I had those feelings.

Chris
Chris, this sentence obviates all the other stuff you wrote. Trauma (to self or a loved-one) often brings the important bits of life into sharp focus; and blurs the trivia. Copy that sentence down, keep it in your wallet, and when she's back to a 'whiny little kid getting on yer wick'... read it and be thankful you have her. Sounds like a turning point.
 

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