Higher education

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by WoodYouLike, 21 Mar 2007.

  1. WoodYouLike

    WoodYouLike

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    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
    feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.

    (Allan Pease)
     
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  3. slick50

    slick50

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    :LOL: :LOL: Now that's funny....
     
  4. EddieCurrent

    EddieCurrent

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  5. nelsy

    nelsy

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    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: brilliant
     
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  7. notb665

    notb665

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    Don't Qantas have the best safety record in their field?
     
  8. jonnyfishing

    jonnyfishing

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    No.......in their office. :LOL:
     
  9. WoodYouLike

    WoodYouLike

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  10. empip

    empip

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    A surprising number without accident ... But almost all have had reportable 'incidents'..

    Just a few.......

    [code:1]
    No Fatal Passenger Events Since 1970.
    Date in parenthesis for airlines coming into existence since '70.
    Asia and Australasia

    Airlink [Australia](1991)
    Air Do (1998)
    Air Macau (1995)
    Air Niugini (1973)
    Angel Airlines (1998)
    Ansett Australia
    Awair International (2000)
    Dragonair (1985)
    EVA Air (1991)
    Flight West Airlines (1987)
    Fujian Airlines (1993)
    Hainan Airlines (1989)
    Impulse Airlines (1992)
    JAL Express* (1998)
    JALways* (1991)
    Japan Air System Japan Asia Airways (1975) Japan TransOcean Air
    Jet Airways (1993)
    Kendall Airlines*
    Mandarin Airlines* (1991)
    Myanmar Airways Intl. (1993)
    Qantas
    Royal Brunei Airlines (1975)
    Sahara Airlines (1993)
    Shaheen Air (1993)
    Shandong Airlines (1994)
    Shanghai Airlines (1985)
    Sichuan Airlines (1988)
    Skymark Airlines (1998)
    TransAsia Airways
    U-Land Airlines (1989)
    UNI Airways (1988)
    Zhongyuan Airlines* (1986)


    * Airline has either a subsidiary or a parent airline that was responsible for at least one fatal event since 1970.

    Europe

    Aer Lingus
    Aero Lloyd (1981)
    Aerolyon (1996)
    Agean Airlines (1992)
    Air Anatolia (1996)
    Air Austral (1975)
    AirBaltic (1995)
    Air Berlin (1979)
    Air Dolomiti (1991)
    Air Europe (1989)
    Air Kazakstan (1997)
    Air Malta (1974)
    Air One (1995)
    Air Plus (1997)
    Alitalia Express* (1997)
    Austrian Airlines
    Balair* (1997)
    Blue Panorama (1998)
    Britannia
    Charter Air (1997)
    Condor Berlin* (1998)
    Corsair (1981)
    dba (1992)
    easyJet (1995)
    Edelweiss Air (1996)
    Estonian Air (1991)
    Eurocypria Airlines (1992)
    Eurofly (1990)
    European Aviation Air Charter (1994)
    Eurowings (1994)
    Finnair
    Futura International (1990)
    Icelandair
    Islandsflug (1991)
    KTHY (1975)
    LTE (1987)
    LTU
    MAT Macedonian [Macedonia] (1994) Maersk (1983)
    Malmo Aviation (1993)
    Meridiana
    Monarch Airlines
    National Jet Italia (2000)
    Nouvelair Tunisie (1990)
    Novair (1997)
    Onur Air (1992)
    Pegasus Airlines (1990)
    Portugalia Airlines (1990)
    Premiair (1994)
    RĂ©gional (2001)
    Ryanair (1985)
    SATA International (1998)
    Skyways Express (1987)
    SN Brussels (2001)
    Spanair (1988)
    Star Airlines (1995)
    Sterling European (1994)
    Sunexpress Airlines (1990)
    Thomas Cook Airlines (2000)
    Titan Airways (1988)
    Transaero (1991)
    Transavia Airlines*
    Travel Service Airlines (1997)
    Ukraine International (1992)
    Uzbekistan Airways (1992)
    Virgin Atlantic (1984)
    Virgin Express (1992)
    Virgin Sun (1999)

    * Airline has either a subsidiary or a parent airline that was responsible for at least one fatal event since 1970.
    [/code:1]

    :cool:
     
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