The Insanity of The English Language

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Subject: The Insanity of the English Language
You are allowed to read it aloud - makes all the difference !
Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find:-
That quicksand can work slowly, Boxing Rings are square and a
Guineapig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth,
beeth?
One goose, 2 geese
So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick
 
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The ground was too tough for the plough to go through.
Or; the ground was too tuff for the pluff to go thruff.
 
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how come incorrect is the opposite of correct, but inflammable and flammable mean the same thing? ( the opposite of flammable is non-flammable.. )
 
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All of the above is what makes the english language fascinating, there are so many variations, if used correctly, it can be both expressive and beautiful.
I hate to see the english language abused, as in text speak, youngsters will take this as normal spelling, and become illiterate.
 
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Americans speak english..

It's english Jim, but not as we know it. Dude.
mccoy_vintage_little.jpg
 
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how come incorrect is the opposite of correct, but inflammable and flammable mean the same thing? ( the opposite of flammable is non-flammable.. )

"Flammable" came into more widespread use in recent times because of fears that some people would misunderstand the word "inflammable" (able to be inflamed), thinking that it contains the Latin prefix "in" (= non).

It irritates me slightly that we have to make concessions to ignorance, but it's probably better than having people setting themselves on fire.
 
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They learned to live with the live wires above their home.

:D
 
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