Witty replies to neighbours comments wanted...

[amandaeb]

I live in a road of terraced houses with very small front gardens, therefore if I'm working outside the house I usually get ...

"You can come to do mine when you've finished" (Whatever it is I'm doing)

I tried "OK, I charge £x per hour" But never had any takers.

I wish I could think of a witty comment worthy of blackadder, but I seem to possess as much wit as a witless slug. (See what I mean).

Can anyone think of anything please?

PS I had a classic comment yesterday, I was manoevering a step ladder to reach the boarding across the top of the front bay window in order to paint it.

" Don't put the ladder through the window love"

I was speechless at that. But thought I'd pass on that piece of priceless information to others amateurs. In fact I could expand on that, don't put any item of DIY equipment through any glazed area.

Anyone have any others?

Amanda. (Waiting for Ricky Gervais to come on TV)

 

[big-all]

heeelllooo amanda

eeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh quote "OK, I charge £x per hour" But never had any takers

mmmmmm should be carfull with that comment

or maybee the dont fancy "your services"
up aladder in public

big all

 

[TexMex]

"You can come to do mine when you've finished"

No thanks, I've seen yours. He's not my type!

 

[Studders]

I live in a road of terraced houses with very small front gardens, therefore if I'm working outside the house I usually get ...

"You can come to do mine when you've finished" (Whatever it is I'm doing)

I tried "OK, I charge £x per hour" But never had any takers.

I wish I could think of a witty comment worthy of blackadder, but I seem to possess as much wit as a witless slug. (See what I mean).

Can anyone think of anything please?

PS I had a classic comment yesterday, I was manoevering a step ladder to reach the boarding across the top of the front bay window in order to paint it.

" Don't put the ladder through the window love"

I was speechless at that. But thought I'd pass on that piece of priceless information to others amateurs. In fact I could expand on that, don't put any item of DIY equipment through any glazed area.

Anyone have any others?

Amanda. (Waiting for Ricky Gervais to come on TV)

The ones that drive me bonkers are the type that ask bloody stupid questions when it's bleedin obvious what you're doing. For example, they can see you have a cement mixer running, a barrow full of concrete, shuttering ready to receive said concrete plus all the paraphernalia needed to level it, and they say " doing a bit of concreting then?"
I'm afraid I tend to be a tad sarcastic when replying.

" you can do mine when you've finished" Yes I get that quite often as well. I usually say something like "I'll see if I can find a window in my diary and I'll get back to you" It tends to leave them rather confused thinking you've taken them seriously and are 'booking them in'.

 

[pipme]

Quote '......I live in a road of terraced houses ......' In large cardboard box ?

OR

Ooze happiness and, if they are Brits, they'll simply hate you for it !!, And you, if a Brit, will simply love that !!
BTW "How are you ? Keeping busy ?"

P

 

[AdamW]

"You can come to do mine when you've finished" (Whatever it is I'm doing)

Not at all witty, but if it is one of those days where you just fancy getting slapped, reply

"Do what when I'm finished? Do your husband?"

I was washing my car, and the boyfriend of another neighbour's daughter pulled up in his Nova-shaped pile of rust. He got out and said "You can wash mine afterwards". I am not sure if he was being ironic! I think the hose would have cut holes through the doors...

I think it is a tradition of the cheerful British attitude. They are poor, predictable and repetitive "jokes", but if people just totally ignored each other or worse, just said "F you" instead, life would be less sunny. A mate of mine comes from a small village in Yorkshire where everyone says "Ow do" to everyone. Sometimes he will slip back into it and people think he's odd because he's just being friendly. It happens on mountains still: go up Ben Nevis and total strangers will say "come on, nearly there!" or "you can do it mate!"

EDIT: Tex beat me to it with the obscenity

 

[legs-akimbo]

A straight F**K off usually works a treat!

 

[TexMex]

No thanks, I've seen yours. He's not my type!

Alternatively, if it's my wife your talking to, you could try: "Mmm yes please, he's a real hunk isn't he".

That would have her creased up for hours.

 

[glocko]

I used to be a cabbie and the predictable (yawn) questions were;

Have you been out long?
Working right through?
Is this your own car?
and the classic...Are you busy?

Remember one day when I was in a pig of a mood, guy gets into the car and before he said anything I said...

I'm not busy, have been out for 6 hours and will be out till 4am, it IS my car and no I haven't thought about getting a proper bloody job, now where would you like to go?

We actually had a good laugh during the journey but yes the Brits are sooo bloody predictable.

[typical Brit]BTW Forecast is good for the weekend, hope it's sunny do you? Won't be though coz it's bank holiday weekend and it's never sunny on a BH Monday ....[/typical Brit]...YAWN!!!!

 

[AdamW]

Thing is, we aren't a nation of boring people. The reason we do this is, we are a nation of POLITE people (believe it or not ).

In other countries, they just wouldn't bother. They would jump in the cab, say where they want to go and just sit in the back.

When I go to foreign countries I find it can be interesting to talk to their cabbies (only if I speak the lingo, mind!). In Paris I had a conversation with a taxi driver about speed cameras and the representation of arabs in France (he was of arabic origin). He learned that the Euro was not adopted by the UK. Pretty interesting stuff, and I also found out the best place to buy a shawarma kebab.

It went a bit downmarket from there, the next time I attempted a conversation with a Parisien cabby we ended up discussing boobs, using the pedestrians around us for illustration. He preferred them smaller, my tastes were more to what he referred to as "les airbags"

The first cabby told me that passengers hardly ever talk to him, but he enjoys it when they do.

 

[mildmanneredjanitor]

Hi Amanda,

I can empathise with you on this one...

One of the things I do is clean boats...

Don't have to say any more do I!

The best retort I have given is "I'd be more than happy to provide a quotation" as I hand them a business card!

As much as I'd love too sometimes, I don't have the undercarriage sufficient for Legs's quote!

What I do hate is when you think of the perfect comment to make... but only after thirty minutes have passed...

 

[AdamW]

What I do hate is when you think of the perfect comment to make... but only after thirty minutes have passed...

Yes, it is often the way. I had some woman nearly front-end me on one of those road-narrowed-to-one-lane stupid traffic-calming schemes in my town. She loudly informed me that I was a w***er, so I wound down my window and calmly drew her attention to the signs explaining I had priority. It wasn't her fault, the signs are only 4 feet square, and it would have been hard to read them due to the glare given off by the big white "Give way" lines painted on the road in her lane.

Her response was "Yes, I do understand what the signs mean, but..." There she stopped. Obviously she could think of no reason why she should have been trying to push through when I had the right of way. So instead of saying "My mistake, dude" and letting me past she reverted to her earlier assesments of my emissive preferences. My usual Wodehousian wit left me. I couldn't think of anything intelligent or mood-lightening to say. So I quietly told her "F*** off" and drove on. Bear in mind that in my Kensington accent this comes out as a softly spoken "Fack orrrf". Hardly intimidating! . She looked a bit surprised!

By the way, I have often wondered. Surely "F**king w**ker" is a contradiction in terms.

 

[mildmanneredjanitor]

But you see Adam, this is a defense mechanism for the errr, less educated shall we say. People that feel inadequate, have this natural 'Gobbing Off' skill that doesn't require any intelligent argument.

By this woman 'gobbing off' at you, she has immediately taken control of the situation and has flustered you, hence you hadn't the time to rubuke (right word?) with a suitably Adam like intelligent reply!

It tickles me when my wife and friend are debating something and they disagree... The answer, repeat your point of view, but a LITTLE LOUDER. Then if the person continues to disagree, speak REALLY LOUD!!!!

Continue up to the point where, one of the male partners tells you to shut up.

Take swig of Lambrini and lemonade, light cigarette, then continue AT FULL VOLUME!

BTW. Wouldn't have her any other way!

 

[AdamW]

BTW. Wouldn't have her any other way!

Bless 'em

Funny how we find their foibles so endering. Perhaps the opposite is true, hence why women put up with sleeping next to a large, snoring, hairy gas machine every night. (Not talking about you personally, MMJ)

 

[mildmanneredjanitor]

Funny how we find their foibles so endering.

It's true, I do like her foibles...