B
Big Tone
Sorry to hear it big-all. I don’t know you really but, as I know only too well, there is no feeling on Earth quite like bereavement.
My friend has just recently lost his father and maybe I can repeat here some of what I said to him. It’s never easy to know quite what to say because “sorry” always sounds so very little for such a devastating event...
My friend is 51 years old and I said to him that he has been very lucky to have known his dad for so long with a lifetime of wonderful memories. His dad knew love, with a marriage and children to be proud of. His quality of life was good and the suffering towards the end was little.
Be in no doubt the emotional scars are for life, however if you have a faith that will certainly help and give some perspective on the events and ‘reason’ for it all in God’s world. If, like me, you don’t have a faith then you can gain strength from the love and bond you share with your family and friends. Perhaps not as good as having a faith, since I confess every so often the lid comes off the box in my head where I try to keep my sorrow, but time is a good healer.
Above all, take care of yourself. Your dad would not want you to live an unhappy life just because his has ended. He would want the best for you and for you to live your life to the full, which includes making peace with any sad or negative memories you may have or harbour.
Laughter is a good medicine and I am the worlds worst when it comes to a black sense of humour. But it is not disrespectful to laugh or joke about things which on the surface may seem tactless, uncaring or possibly even offensive to his memory. Tact, as they say, is knowing how far to go too far. When I am gone I hope people can carry on laughing at me and the daft things I have done or said just as they would when they laughed with me.
We all end up in the same place, regardless of what or where anyone thinks ‘that place’ is, so you will be reunited soon enough. Until then, I’m sure you will raise a glass to him this Christmas and New Year and do what he would want you to do; get on with your life and enjoy...
Best wishes and, all things considered, I do hope you have a Happy Christmas.
Tony
My friend has just recently lost his father and maybe I can repeat here some of what I said to him. It’s never easy to know quite what to say because “sorry” always sounds so very little for such a devastating event...
My friend is 51 years old and I said to him that he has been very lucky to have known his dad for so long with a lifetime of wonderful memories. His dad knew love, with a marriage and children to be proud of. His quality of life was good and the suffering towards the end was little.
Be in no doubt the emotional scars are for life, however if you have a faith that will certainly help and give some perspective on the events and ‘reason’ for it all in God’s world. If, like me, you don’t have a faith then you can gain strength from the love and bond you share with your family and friends. Perhaps not as good as having a faith, since I confess every so often the lid comes off the box in my head where I try to keep my sorrow, but time is a good healer.
Above all, take care of yourself. Your dad would not want you to live an unhappy life just because his has ended. He would want the best for you and for you to live your life to the full, which includes making peace with any sad or negative memories you may have or harbour.
Laughter is a good medicine and I am the worlds worst when it comes to a black sense of humour. But it is not disrespectful to laugh or joke about things which on the surface may seem tactless, uncaring or possibly even offensive to his memory. Tact, as they say, is knowing how far to go too far. When I am gone I hope people can carry on laughing at me and the daft things I have done or said just as they would when they laughed with me.
We all end up in the same place, regardless of what or where anyone thinks ‘that place’ is, so you will be reunited soon enough. Until then, I’m sure you will raise a glass to him this Christmas and New Year and do what he would want you to do; get on with your life and enjoy...
Best wishes and, all things considered, I do hope you have a Happy Christmas.
Tony
