I've looked about the car in obvious places, so thats why i've come here. Im not completely thick believe it or not (not in your case pal)
Actually, tell you what I will do, I wont ask where it is. Instead I will drive to the middle of no where and slash my tyre with a knife, without finding out where the jack is first
Cheers for the other two helpful replies. Much appreciated.
The proper place for the jack (and wheel brace) is under the bonnet, clamped to the scuttle to the right of the battery looking from the front.
If its not there and you've looked everywhere else then its probably been lost.