So Close.,and yet...........

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Nige F

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I`ve done it again.....GMT...mean not Meridian :oops: Some other classics........Rachmaninov........meant Rackman(dodgy slum Landlord from 60`s) Eddie Murphy dead...NO, Freddie Mercury.........Abdul Nazir........meant Azil Nadir :?: .........all mine :oops: Heard a good one .........Gaza.......meant Gazzer :cry: :cry: ...Any others, c`mon I won`t laugh
 
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Nige F said:
I`ve done it again.....GMT...mean not Meridian :oops: Some other classics........Rachmaninov........meant Rackman(dodgy slum Landlord from 60`s) Eddie Murphy dead...NO, Freddie Mercury.........Abdul Nazir........meant Azil Nadir :?: .........all mine :oops: Heard a good one .........Gaza.......meant Gazzer :cry: :cry: ...Any others, c`mon I won`t laugh
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I once said in the pub that a bloke with a silly beard looked a bit like "Richard Shakespeare"..... :oops: :LOL:
 
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Meridian makes sense it being on the Meridian Line, but I've done it enuff times.
Once was talking to this girl about her cat (stop it!). Asked her what it was called.
D'you know?, she said, which i thought was strange, so i said again, What's it's name?
D'you know? she said again
No, I don't that's why I asked!
I've told you twice already his name is Gino! :oops:

Another time was doing some work round a friends and in front of her mum she asked what about putting one of those rails on the walls.
What rail? I asked.
To which she replied, One of those d-ildo rails :eek: LMAO! Her mum looked dumbstruck and she ran downstairs embarassed when she realised what she'd said :LOL:
Was gonna ask her what length she required but she was suffering enough :cool:
 
Any news item on the lines of:

Jordan intervenes to secure release of hostages....

or similar makes me instantly think about what a good sport old Katie Price is.
 
noodlz said:
Another time was doing some work round a friends and in front of her mum she asked what about putting one of those rails on the walls.
What rail? I asked.
To which she replied, One of those d-ildo rails :eek: LMAO! Her mum looked dumbstruck and she ran downstairs embarassed when she realised what she'd said :LOL:
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Not as good as yours but I was once at a customers house measuring up to make a cabinet and I asked if they wanted feet or a plinth or skirting and the chap said 'can we have some of those wooden feet', and before I had a chance to say 'bun-feet?' he said ' they're called pudding feet.'!
 
pudding feet.
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:LOL:
He must have been set up and got his just desserts :rolleyes:

Someone I know had this new guy on a job who wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, in fact you could call him James...well, he convinced him to go into a builders merchants and say that he wanted a c*ck reducer :eek:

Still cracks me up just thinking about it. :LOL:

That reminds me of a time some years ago when had a Chinese tenant who phones us up bawling down the phone, come quick, come quick, the person has killed, the person has killed! :eek:

After calming him down, it turns out he's on the phone to someone, the line cuts off and he gets a message....the other person has cleared :rolleyes: ;)
 
Two Dutch English teachers from our secondary school were invited to this seminar in London. Now our town-sign' is a crab and they had brought a bronze one with them as a present to the schools headteachers who had invited them.
When the time came to hand over their present, they slightly (only slightly) mispronounced the word.
"And in honor to this school we want to present you with this crab

(pronounced as........)


:D :D :D
 
A mate calls his Skoda Felicia.....fellatio ;) Is he going for the ( F)abia next :eek: (deliberate of course)
 
I once asked my daughter where she got her new bag from...that had MORGAN plastered all over it....oh..and I once had an arguement with my ex when he wouldnt help me fill in a form just because I was asking him "HOW OLD WAS I WHEN I WAS 21?"....seems reasonable to me....

Blondes have more nuf...er..fun...
 
noodlz said:
To which she replied, One of those d-ildo rails
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I've seen this reported as a "true" account of a phone conversation in a hotel in Japan, Thailand and The Phillipines, so it's probably not true.


Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees."
Hotel Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: "Rye...Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to oder sunteen??"
Hotel Guest: "Uh .. yes .. I'd like some bacon and eggs."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Hotel Guest: "What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den? .. pry, boy, pooch?"
Hotel Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee bayhcem .. crease?"
Hotel Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An San tos?"
Hotel Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "San tos. July San tos?"
Hotel Guest: "I don't think so."
Room Service: "No? Judo one toes??"
Hotel Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
Room Service: "Toes! toes! .. why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
Hotel Guest: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
Room Service: "We bother?"
Hotel Guest: "No, just put the bother on the side."
Room Service: "Wad?"
Hotel Guest: "I mean butter .. just put it on the side."
Room Service: "Copy?"
Hotel Guest: "Sorry?"
Room Service: "Copy .. tea .. mill?"
Hotel Guest: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
Room Service: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy .. rye??"
Hotel Guest: "Whatever you say."
Room Service: "Tendjewberrymud."
Hotel Guest: "You're welcome."
 
And now one which is true, and combines our two loves of foreign accents and Americans not understanding some English words.

There used to be a US minicomputer manufacturer called Wang, and one day some marketing genius came up with the strapline "Wang cares".

And all switchboards operators in all English speaking Wang offices were instructed to answer the phone with "Good morning, Wang cares". (Assuming it was morning, and not afternoon.)

In Germany, however, the situation was already fraught, as they had eventually trained the operators to say "Wang" and not "Vang", and it was their practice to also include the office location when answering.

So in a German accent, repeat after me....... "Wang Cologne".
 
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