A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
Sandwich
- Thread starter WoodYouLike
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Oh, I'm sure they can 
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Two fellas walked into a bar eating sandwiches and the landlord shouts over "YOU CANT EAT YOUR OWN FOOD IN HERE" so they swapped sandwiches.
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a pint of bitter. "£2.25" says the barman. "Do you have change for a gherkin?" says the sandwich.
A white horse walks into a bar. "We've got a whisky named after you" says the barman.
"What, Eric?" replies the horse.
A white horse walks into a bar. "We've got a whisky named after you" says the barman.
"What, Eric?" replies the horse.
P L E A S E S T O P
BE HAPPY
BE HAPPY
A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man wouldDiyisfun said:They cant get worse than this ..PLEZZZZZZZZZZZZ
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."
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One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told him he would not take the test.
The student asked, "Do you know who I am?"
The prof said, "No and I don't care."
The student asked again, "Are you sure you don't know who I am?"
The prof again said no. So the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in
the middle, then threw the papers in the air.
"Good" the student said, and walked out.
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A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That's not my dog!"
Bloke walks into a bar and says to the bartender "give me an inch of lager and top it up with water"
Bartender "why are you drinking that" he says
Bloke "thats what you would be drinking if you had what ive got".
Bartender "why what have you got"
Bloke "20p"
Bartender "why are you drinking that" he says
Bloke "thats what you would be drinking if you had what ive got".
Bartender "why what have you got"
Bloke "20p"
Ruud Van Nistelroy walked into a bar and the barman said "Why the long face"
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right afterwards, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right afterwards, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right afterwards, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
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