Toilet paper

[Handyman]

Recently, I bought some white bog paper in Tescos, to finish off my newly decorated "cloakroom". I noticed that Andrex (I think it was Andrex) offered bog paper with "Aloe Vera - and now with added vitamin E"

This got me thinking as to what possible benefit could vitamin E be to one's backside as one wipes.

Can anyone tell me how vitamin E will improve my bum

 

[AdamW]

Well, vitamin E deficiency is linked with circulatory disorders.

Thus I would imagine that vitamin E may help to prevent "Chalfonts", "bum grapes" or any other name you may wish to give to piles.

It also helps the immune system, which considering the germs you are exposed to in *that* area might also be a reason.

Awfully nice of them to start putting it in toilet paper!

 

[masona]

Are you saying we don't have to put the vitamin E tablet in our mouth anymore ?

 

[AdamW]

Things can always be taken in more way than one

I'm sure we've all heard of the act of having a bottle of chardonnay poured into one's jacksie, the infamous "California Enema". Apparently it gets you drunk a bit quicker... Kinda misses the whole point of ENJOYING the wine though.

My brother had a go at snorting vodka once. Apparently it was most unpleasant, and really, really hurts your nose.

 

[Handyman]

Perhaps vitamin E is a colour enhancer?

Or a muscle relaxant?

 

[kendor]

Things can always be taken in more way than one

I'm sure we've all heard of the act of having a bottle of chardonnay poured into one's jacksie, the infamous "California Enema". Apparently it gets you drunk a bit quicker... Kinda misses the whole point of ENJOYING the wine though.
My brother had a go at snorting vodka once. Apparently it was most unpleasant, and really, really hurts your nose.

Adam you are certainly a man of the world to have heard of this sort of thing ..having a bottle of chardonnay shoved up one's rectum the thought alone brings a tear to one's eye!

 

[AdamW]

Half the fun of a bottle of wine is sharing it... I don't think I would want my half if I knew where the bottle had been

you are certainly a man of the world to have heard of this sort of thing

I am glad you said HEARD OF. Much better to drink the stuff in my opinion!

 

[securespark]

As you say Adam

It helps cardiovascular health.

It is an antioxidant, and one of the fat-soluble vitamins.

How this helps your sphincter i'm not too sure. I'll e-mail andrex about it.

No, seriously!!

As someone well qualified in human biology, I'd like to pose that question to them and see what they say.

 

[AdamW]

I'd like to pose that question to them and see what they say.

"P*ss off, we're not telling you why we put vitamins in our bog paper. You might work for Charmin for all we know. Go on, p*ss off!"

I just want to know why that "love your bum" loo paper advert set in a factory has no-one in it with a bum worth loving. Has British comedy now achieved a plateau where post-modernist irony has a place in bum jokes?

Teeeheee, bum

 

[securespark]

All I can say is you can please all of the people some of the time.........

 

[securespark]

BTW I have not tried this method of imbibing alcohol, but people say it does not hurt if you use KY jelly....

The latest craze is indeed inhaling alcohol, but I would have thought you would have to be VERY careful to avoid drowning. Imagine a pint of best sloshing about in your lungs...

 

[securespark]

I have got in touch with Kimberley Clark (nice girl......) the makers of Andrex.

The e-mail was hopeless, never got a reply, so I phoned the customer careline and got a very disinterested woman who almost yawned as I asked her why Vit E had been put in the paper.

Because it acts in conjunction with the Aloe Vera to soften your skin. She wasn't brave enough to say sphincter.....

 

[Handyman]

Excellent, Securespark. I don't know how you managed to conduct that interview without p*ss*ng yourself

A few years ago, I would have phoned myself, but now I don't have time (should be the other way around, shouldn't it....?). Stupid USP's like this, and other misleading advertising claims, really get to me.

Anyway, I'm pleased to know that my browneye will soften up nicely.

 

[securespark]

A few rolls of Andrex, and it should be soft enough to insert a bottle of Chardonnay painlessly...

 

[kendor]

A few rolls of Andrex, and it should be soft enough to insert a bottle of Chardonnay painlessly...

not if you use the wide end