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Give it a quick rub and you've got a 20ft extension

Anybody standing for election pledging to live on his salary (60odd thou a year), use the NHS and send their kids to local school would probably get 90% of the vote.

You're honoured to have got past the receptionist. (Must be private)

Some public service workers (tax payer funded) can have back holidays if they claim sickness while on leave. Bit of the trots in Spain? No problem take another week at Christmas.

Why has it always been acceptable for police officers to be members of the secretive, closed shop organisation the Masons? At least the BNP have a manifesto which is there for all to read, whether you agree with it or not.

How high does the water go, and how much is there? I don't flush till I've finished (ars@ wiped, pants up), so would I end up with wet strides and a flooded bog? (Not from incontinence)

Certainly see you coming with all those big brown eyes.

It's the matching willy warmer that gives the game away

[Still, there's nothing like the sight of a middle-aged man driving his daughter's car with pink furry steering wheel and a "Princess on board" sticker] You never know, it could be his car. Out and proud

'o

I like the TV lurking in the corner. The wife is going to get a bit suspicious when a sky dish appears on the roof.

Could just be a block in the radiator. Check hoses to and from the radiator are both hot.

WDIK, report her to the RSPCA, with a bit of luck they might put her to sleep

Piano wire strung nice and tight between the aisle, about 4 foot high should sort the problem.

Internet connection. (You can tell the wife it's for problem solving)

It's all down to economics. Is the repair worth more than the car?

Copper Beech?