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An amateur soccer team couldn’t find a man to be their physio during their games so the manager’s very attractive wife agreed to do at. During the first game one of her players was hit in a very delicate place by the ball, and lay doubled up on the pitch. The manager’s wife ran on to the...

I think this is clever (I selected the Flash version), but then I am probably as sad as securespark's PC ! http://zoomquilt.nikkki.net

Sounds like I need to get up to date on this new fangled stuff. How do I connect a scart to my radio ? Plug it into the crystle or wire it into the cat's whisker ?

I went into a self-service shop the other day and selected four items to buy. At the checkout I was told that the total cost was £7.11. Thinking this was too high I asked how the figure had been reached. The assistant said that she had simply multiplied the prices of the four individual items...

http://www.elseware.to/watershed/theproducts/aquariass.htm

I thought I would take this a step further and asked a product supplier if he knew of something suitable. Here is the relevant part of his reply.. I have been in the business 40+ years .... the problem you describe is certainly well known. Do not waste you money on coatings, they will...

http://www.diydoctor.org.uk/projects/air_admittance_valves.htm

Saw this on a "DIY Tips" site a while ago. Not convinced about it myself but would be interested to know if it works (and what it looks like). Stopping condensation forming on a toilet cistern: This can be stopped by painting a coat of clear varnish on the cistern. This has better insulating...

I have heard rumours that the reason he is taking a break is because someone has considered his method of dealing with slow payers is a little too drastic. See here

And one not for the kids…. A woman is suffering from breathlessness so her husband takes her to see the doctor. Whist she is getting dressed after the examination the doctor says to the husband Your wife has Acute Angina. Husband says Yes, I know. Her t*ts aren’t bad either.

One to annoy the kids with over Christmas… You: Can you name three fish that start with the letter K and end with the letter K ? Kids: After some thought…no. You: Well, the first one is Killer Shark Kids: Groan….What are the others ? You: The second one is Kwiksave Frozen Haddock...

Late one night; a young chap was walking home from the pub. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard...

Two men who had both led a vile and evil life as partners in crime were killed and went straight to Hell. The first one went before the “jury” to learn his punishment and was introduced to the foulest and ugliest women he had ever seen. His punishment was that he had to spend all his time in...

Prince Charles was on a tour of Libya and visited El Azizia, one of the hottest places on earth. All the time he was there he insisted on wearing a fur hat! Even though his face was bright red with the heat and sweat was pouring down his face he refused to take the fur hat off. At the end...

This may help---> http://www.diydoctor.org.uk/projects/air_admittance_valves.htm

Need to install a stainless steel cooker hood that includes a 'false' stainless steel chimney stack between the hood and the ceiling. Any advice please on how best to cut the stack neatly so that it meets the ceiling exactly, and how to then fit it without damaging the hood, chimney stack or...

I thought he was married already.

Thanks for the responses. The man wants a low-level shower tray because he can no longer climb into his bath, so I don't think a bath screen will help him. Hadn't thought of curtains all the way round - I will discuss this with him if that ends up the only realistic solution. Will also...

Hello. I have just been asked to quote for something that is a new one on me. A gentleman living in a mobile home wants his bath replaced with a walk-in shower cubicle (he is elderly and can't manage to climb into the bath easily). Immediate problems I see are: The floor and walls seemed...

Please don't be so crude. It should be "is her **** different FROM everyone else's" !