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You do need a connection to your incoming water pipe - unless it is a plastic pipe as it runs underground. Being plastic is quite possible in a 1995 build. No, you cannot fit an earth rod instead of connecting to the metal water pipe.

Sadly, the “electrician” who does the EICR for you may also ask the Artificial Stupidity if it’s OK, and get the same answer that you got. We’re all doomed. I’m going to live in a cave, bye!

OK. Assuming that there is no way to configure either the recorder or the router to disable on a time schedule, then as above, connect it via any ethernet switch and put a timeswitch in its mains supply. When no power is connected, nothing goes through. There are some suitable switches on ebay...

Have you observed any actual damp, or are you just looking at the numbers on your meter?

So… are your cameras powered using power-over-ethernet, or not?

My thinking with the “do you have a multimeter?” question was to follow up with “what do you measure on the wagos, 8 V AC, 240 V AC, or nothing?”.

First, find out whether the bearing is replaceable and available. I wasted a lot of time dismantling my old washing machine and attempting to remove the bearing - and then realised that the replacement I had purchased was totally different, and that it was in fact not replaceable. Hint: if only...

Yeah, any cheapo ethernet switch, with as few ports as you can get, e.g. 4 or 5; just connect to any two of the ports and switch the power with a timeeswitch.

photos of the inside?

Do you have a multimeter?

That will depend on what’s on the other ends of those wires. I guess you have a bell transformer somewhere? And a button? I guess that the 4-core wire with the blue/green/white striped cores goes to the button - check inside the button to confirm.

I found this one, which is not what you are describing… ( https://www.free-instruction-manuals.com/pdf/pa_359418.pdf ) I think that gives you “normal” behaviour. What’s the advantage? What do they mean by “live and switched live are at different positions”?

Are they generic instructions, not specific to the pneumatic switch? (Does the pneumatic switch even have a third contact?)

Replace the top with a new piece of board of some sort. The chipboard will have turned into wheatabix. (Post a photo?)

This gland, as a random example, takes cables with diameters 7.5 - 14 mm: https://www.tlc-direct.co.uk/Products/WKGLP20B.html What kind of “junction / joint” exactly are you looking at? (Edit: sorry, that’s not an SWA gland.)

Is that holding the weight of the upstairs floor? Assuming strength is not an issue - how about a nice carved scroll? https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/772546534/

I meant, using skirting that has a cable slot in the back - so that you don't need to chase into the wall.

Consider doing a first pass with a plane, or something. Certainly that’s what I would do if it were solid wood; not so sure about MDF.

But we can tell from the fact that the property was built in 2020! I.e. decades after the final ban.

Have you considered doing the horizontal part inside the skirting?