What should I do?

[anonimouse]

Two weeks ago my wife received a text message on a saturday morning while she was having a lie-in. Her phone was in the kitchen next to me, when I looked at the phone screen - the text sender was the name of a local taxi firm.

This did not appear normal, so I read the message - it said "I have never been so insulted in my life - you old ride!".

It was from a mobile phone number that had been stored alongside the taxi firm's proper number.

Feeling guilty I deleted the text so she wouldn't know I'd read it.

It's been eating at me ever since though, and tonight as she is at her works party, I witheld my number and called the mobile which was answered by a man.

I'm not at all happy about this but I don't know what to do.

This is not a wind-up, I'm looking for other points of view as I dont know weather I'm beeing paranoid.

Can anyone help please.

 

[NickStone]

Write the man's mobile number down on a piece of paper and leave it lying around, where she can see it. If she doesn't say anything, show her the number and say casually, 'Oh, someone from this number called today, asking to speak to you. Sorry, didn't catch the name but I said you'd call back.' Observe how she reacts. Later, you can then legitimately ask who the other party was.

 

[anonimouse]

Thanks for the reply, but that won't work as we don't currently have a landline. I suppose your saying that I shouldnt just confront her then? I dont want to just incase i'm totally wrong, but at the same time i dont think I can just be normal around her.

I dont know weather to maybe get a PI involved, but I then think i'm overreacting. I just dont know what to do.

It doesnt seem right to have a number stored as something else unless your trying to hide it.

 

[anonimouse]

I should be honest and say that i do post on this website under another name, but as this is embarassing i dont want to say who i am.

I know there are people on here that can be very helpful with problems, and thats why i've posted this.

it is 100% genuine.

 

[Bahco]

How is your relationship in general?

As you have been unable to ask her about it, it suggests that you are not as close as you used to be.

Is she the type to go out regularly on her own?

You do need to put your mind at rest if it is worrying you, so maybe you should come right out with it and ask her nicely.

Maybe a very innocent explanation.

 

[anonimouse]

How is your relationship in general?

As you have been unable to ask her about it, it suggests that you are not as close as you used to be.

Thanks bahco, thats a very good question. I would describe our relationship as very strong because we have been through alot recently. my wife was diagnosed with a serious illness 2.5 years ago, and although it all looks good for full recovery. She has and is having treatment to send her through the menapause.

we have always been able to tell each other how it is and be completely honest, and evn when our emotions get the better of us and we argue (not often) we both accept that a healthy relationship needs to have a difference of opinions and we can accept that, let each other vent anger and move on without taking it personally.

We have fun, what we both admit to be the best sex either of us have ever experienced, and spend a lot of time together. but her behaviour and emotions are sometimes very erratic and odd. I have generally thought this was horemonal and not representative of her true feelings.

But i have had doubts, and now i'm thinking there is definitely more to it. I think its someone she works with because she rarely goes out on her own - I cant remember the last time she did.

But i really dont want to accuse her of something she is innocent of, and that is my big problem - its v.suspicious, im worried but i dont want to hurt her if i'm wrong.

 

[bernardgreen]

It could have been a wrong number. Or a call intended for another customer of that taxi firm.

Have you thought it could have been an obnoxious taxi driver who was ****ed off with a customer and dialled the number he thought belonged to that obnoxious customer to be rude. Instead of getting the obnoxious customer's phone he got your wife's phone becasue she probably used it at some time to call for a taxi.

 

[pjholybloke]

I would suggest you look into it further, maybe a PI is the way to go for you, I have been accused of having an affair when completely innocent and I can tell you it was very hurtful and unpleasant.

In the meantime you could try passing off any noticeable change in your behaviour as due to stress relating to work or another area of your life.

In any eventuality, I would advise against confrontation without something more substantial.

 

[NickStone]

When you say you have had doubts, do you mean something has happened before this text message?

 

[anonimouse]

thanks bernard but it wasnt a phonecall it was a text message and it came from a mobile number that was stored in her contacts book on the phone as an alternative number for the taxi firm.

i know she knows the person who sent it

i know she has disguised the number

the message was very familiar

it was sent by a man

yes as others have said it could be innocent, but i cant see a good explanation so far, just bad ones.

 

[bernardgreen]

thanks bernard but it wasnt a phonecall it was a text message and it came from a mobile number that was stored in her contacts book on the phone as an alternative number for the taxi firm.

I have two driver's mobiles in my phone for times when the taxi number is busy and I can't get through.

i know she knows the person who sent it

How do you know

i know she has disguised the number

the message was very familiar

it was sent by a man

How do you know it was sent by a man

yes as others have said it could be innocent, but i cant see a good explanation so far, just bad ones.

Best to look for innocent reasons first.



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[anonimouse]

When you say you have had doubts, do you mean something has happened before this text message?

Nothing that has made me feel so uncomfortble, about 4 years ago i felt a distance between us that i knew wasnt down to anything i had done. i am a very caring person and i always make her know that i love her and she means the world to me.

i do my bit around the home and think i do the right thing with the family coming first, but ifelt it didnt matter what i did, there was no feeling coming back. i felt she was getting and giving emotional contact from somewhere else.

i asked, but it was "nothing" and after a while things got better.

I have started having the same feelings on and off for the last few months and in the summer i saw a text on her phone that said "hurry up x" i lost it and she said it was to andrew (someone she works with) and he was out getting breakfast for the office. the number was stored as andrew and i let it go when she swore it was the truth.

 

[jackpot]

Get a pay as you go sim card. And send them both a message

Saying something like....
"Hi its [partners name]. This is my new number....... and start chatting and ask anything you like to him.

Hi want a taxi, this is my new number.....(if you dont know his name she will know who it is)

Ask if he fancies meeting up or something like that.

If any of them realise they have not changed numbers then she can hardly confront you as she has no proof of anything.


My mate done this to both his partner and the fella she was texting. Both people ended up texting him and he found out loads. Told the fella she didnt want to him anymore but also arranged to meet up with his partner for a dirty night out. Obviously all along she thought she was meeting her bit on the side and apparently her face was a picture when my mate turned up at the meeting place.

Class!

 

[jackpot]

From what you say it sound suspicious from what is being said. My ex sent me one saying i still love you and want to cuddle you etc etc etc. But it was not for me. Her excuse was that her mate used her phone and her fellas name was also Jon. I gave her the benefit of the doubt but alot of other things got me thinking and eventually i looked through her phone. Boy she was shagging everyone, including her ex.

Be carful but dont accuse until you have proof.

 

[anonimouse]

thanks jackpot. i like the idea of the pay as you go i will probably try that out.
i really hop i am wrong about this but i cant just let it go, i need to find out more and really want to do it without her even knowing i am suspicious.

really appreciate it.