What should I do?

[jackpot]

Its a hard one.

I woulnt confront her just yet as what evidence have you actually got. Im very happy with someone but occasionally have a flirty text with an old mate of mine. Never kissed her or anything but used to joke saying we loved each other. If my missus ever read these texts on there own they would of looked very dodgy to her but it was all completely innocent.

If you confront her she will obvious deny it and if its sorted out will be even more careful not to get caught out. Then the onus is on you as you be be accused of not trusting her and she will be in control of the situation.
Her answer will be something like her mates brother/mate/cousin is a taxi driver and that why she has the number etc etc. and you will not have much to back up your end of the argument.

Again your text thingy is a good one if it works. If not the sim card.
Simply text him when your missus is busy pretending to be her saying you changed your number. Have some small talk and wait to see if he makes any suggestive comments at you. If so go along with it.


There is no way your missus can confront you as whats she going to say.
"Have you text this blokes number i have in my phone pretending to be me"
Even if she does you say "what you on about love"

Try to gain more info before confronting her as no matter how much you have she will deny it and throw all she can at you to turn the tables and make you feel that your in the wrong.

Good luck

 

[spice]

If your wife was having a fling with someone from her work the person she was having a fling with would know not to text her on a weekend and if she was getting dodgy texts from someone she wouldn't be leaving her phone about where you could find it and read the messages.

.

I agree with the above post, and this is from a female point of view.

If I was having an affair, I definately would not leave my mobile around, I would either switch it off at weekends, or tell the lover to call at weekends.

I cant think many women or even men would be so stupid to leave thier phone around, you would take the phone with you, even up to bed if you were scared of your partner seeing a message.

What I cant understand is, and maybe I read your post wrong, but if you dont think its from a taxi firm, and its a cover up for the real person, why would he mention 'a ride', and comes across as angry?

 

[kevnurse]

A woman gets into a taxi that she has called from her mobile. The driver turns out to be an old friend from school or work, or whatever, whom she hasn't seen for years. In the short time they are in the car they are very friendly and relaxed. In a moment of impetuosity, he gives her his mobile number, so that she can call him directly for a lift with a driver she can trust and maybe he could give her a few free lifts now and then, depending on where and when he is working. She stores it in the taxi firm's page on the mobile, to remind her to call him (maybe get a free lift) before she calls the firm.

She later sends him a text: "You have put on a lot of weight since school"

His answer:.....well, we know

It could be something as simple as that.

 

[Zampa]

If you confront her she will obvious deny it

Not neccessarsarily...

Again your text thingy is a good one if it works. If not the sim card.
Simply text him when your missus is busy pretending to be her saying you changed your number. Have some small talk and wait to see if he makes any suggestive comments at you. If so go along with it.

All well an good...but your going to need a stategy if it isnt good news...your going to need to know what you do once you have the answer.

Otherwise youll going to end up even more upset

Try to gain more info before confronting her as no matter how much you have she will deny it and throw all she can at you to turn the tables and make you feel that your in the wrong.

That makes sense

 

[libby lou lou]

Its a hard one.

 

[megawatt]

Having read all the advice you've been given I'll summarise what I'd do ...

1. Do not do anything underhand ... Surveillance, buying mobile phones etc. This is a bad move which really will backfire on you and make you the bad guy if there's nothing to it. I've never known anything good to come from this course of action.

2. If you have a good relationship speak to her about it and take things from there but understand what the rules are i.e. There is no point talking to her about it if you are not prepared to believe what she tells you and if you've already decided she's sleeping around what's the point having a confrontation ... Throw her out and get on with your life.

3. If you don't have the kid of relationship where you can talk to her about it then take Zampa's advice and let it go ... She may have made a stupid mistake and, if she has, probably regrets it but she's still with you and will probably make more of an effort to make your relationship better out of guilt. If this is the case, invariably, she will tell you all about it at some point in the future anyway, when the feelings aren't so raw and you'd be able to discuss rather than argue

4. Be clear what outcome you want from this and take the course of action best suited to getting you this outcome. Blind accusations of adultery aren't going to strengthen your relationship.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

MW

 

[joe-90]

Come on guys - this is the 21st century.

If your partner is messin' around so what? If anything it'll improve your sex life.

My partner has free rein to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants with whoever she wants - and I do likewise.

Works great for us.

No jealousy, no feelings of 'missing out', I'd recommend it to anyone.

 

[megawatt]

I don't get the impression from the OP that they have your kind of relationship Joe.

 

[joe-90]

It saves a lot of hassle. I've had the 'closed' relationship when I was married. I hated it. If a partner feels the need for freedom it is pointless to fight it. I like it just the way it is.

 

[megawatt]

Glad it works for you ... It's not for everyone though.

 

[joe-90]

I agree. It's surprising how popular it is though.

 

[jackpot]

Having read all the advice you've been given I'll summarise what I'd do ...

1. Do not do anything underhand ... Surveillance, buying mobile phones etc. This is a bad move which really will backfire on you and make you the bad guy if there's nothing to it. I've never known anything good to come from this course of action.

My personal opinion now from what i know is that the OP has only mentioned one text. I would leave it myself and wait for more reason to give me suspicions. He has not given us any more reasons as yet but there might be something he is keeping back from us so only he knows what he must do. If there is more reason then i would persue it further.

I tend to disagree with the above. The OP has to expect the worst so if the worst does come then he is ready for it. Anything else is a relief. Obviously he wants to find out the truth and is prepared to do what he can to find it.

I looked through someones phone only because i had suspicions about her and had never bothered about her phone before. I was also quite gullible back then and would always give her the benefit of the doubt.
Only i found she was texting her ex saying i was just a friend and she wanted to get back with him. She was having it off with someone from the pub she worked in and i wouldnt be surprised if she was upto more when i think about the stories she told me. All this the same week she asked me to move in together.

Yes she turned the tables and accused me of snooping through her stuff. And i stand by it now and say it was well justified as i was proved right.
If it was innocent then i would of laid it to rest and got on trusting her.

The Op having alot of different advice and needs to decide his best cause of action. I certainly would want the truth. It may hurt and take time to get over it but i would rather have that than living a lie when my partner is playing away for god know how long.

The only part i dont like about these situations is that the OP has doubted his partner and if she is innocent and all is well. Everytime she goes out and gets a taxi etc etc there will always be a little niggle of jealousy and suspicion.

 

[Deluks]

Come on guys - this is the 21st century.

If your partner is messin' around so what? If anything it'll improve your sex life.

My partner has free rein to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants with whoever she wants - and I do likewise.

Works great for us.

No jealousy, no feelings of 'missing out', I'd recommend it to anyone.

Dirty bugger! Get down the clinic at once

 

[Tim 77]

Why don't you ask Steve to introduce you to some of the girls he works with?

At least then you'll get your own back if she is doing the dirty.

 

[megawatt]

I thought Steve was still at school Tim, aren't you condoning paedophilia