• Looking for a smarter way to manage your heating this winter? We’ve been testing the new Aqara Radiator Thermostat W600 to see how quiet, accurate and easy it is to use around the home. Click here read our review.

What's The Oldest Joke You Can Remember?

Whitespirit66

Whitespirit66

Joined
15 Dec 2007
Messages
8,006
Reaction score
2,110
Location
Bristol
Country
United Kingdom
My memory only goes back as far as the 70s. I have a few jokes that only people who were alive then would see as funny, sick, or both.

The Bobby Sands cookbook is the smallest book in the world!

Q What's the fastest thing on two legs?
A An Ethiopian with a luncheon voucher

Q What's the smallest pub in the world?
A The Thalidomide Arms

Joey Deacon won the World Disco Dancing Championships. He only went up to the bar to get a packet of crisps!

Does anyone have any of a similar age, or even older. They probably need to be topically linked to something from the era that they come from.
 
As a lad of about seven I remember getting a clip around the ear for a joke I told my mum....(I did not understand it at the time)

Why are womens legs like Blackpool tower?


Because there are amusements at the top.
 
The oldest?

Q. Why is a threepenny bit shaped the way it is?

A .So you can get it out of a Jew's hand with a spanner.


My Dad's favourite:

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

A. He worked it out with a pencil.
 
About 1958...

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted (a-salted if you don't geddit!)

Best joke ever from a Christmas cracker:

Q. What did the snail say riding on the tortoise'e back?
A. Wheeeeee....!
 
this is a Victorian music-hall joke

I say I say I say... What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?

Joan of Arc was Maid of Orleans and Noah's Ark was made of wood


boom boom!
 
Q: Whats' the fastest thing on two legs?
A: A chicken running through an Ethiopean village

Q: What's the second fastest thing on two legs?
A: An Ethiopean running after it.
 
Escaped Prisoner: "I'm free!, I'm free!"
Little Boy: "So what? I'm four!"

Q: Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
A: Where you left it!

And they say the old ones are the best! :roll:
 
Not so much a joke but I remember this in the junior school. (Please don’t send me hate mail)

Wouldn’t it wouldn’t it wouldn’t it be funny if a woman had a wooden tit wouldn’t it be funny.

Haven’t recalled that one for about forty years; I’ll give it another forty, or more... :oops:
 
"occhh Dr Finlay! Dr Finlay! it's gruesome"
"Aye Janet, mind you touch it again and it'll gruesome more"

Two nuns sharing a bath one says "where's the soap" the other replies "yes it does doesn't it "
 
Two cavemen talking to each other,,, One says " Ugg, I've solved all of our problems."
" How's that?" asks Ogg.
"I've invented ,,,,,,, MONEY"
 
Not old but topical.

I'm gonna vote for the Iclandic Volcano Party (IVP)

Why?

They have done more for immigration in the last 5 days than the Labour Gov. has done in the last 10 years.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top