A joke ......

[Susiejb]

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....



Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'



Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off'

 

[Biker1959]

HMRC vs. Granddad


The HMRC decides to audit Granddad, and summons him to the HMRC office. The HMRC Inspector was not surprised when Granddad showed up with his accountant.

The Inspector said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure that HMRC finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Granddad. 'How about a demonstration?' The Inspector thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Granddad says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye.' The Inspector thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Granddad removes his glass eye and bites it. The Inspector's jaw drops. Granddad says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye.' Now the Inspector can tell Granddad isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Granddad removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned Inspector now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Granddad’s accountant as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Granddad asks 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The Inspector, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Granddad stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the Inspector's desk.

The Inspector leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Granddad’s own accountant moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the Inspector asks. 'Not really,' says the accountant. 'This morning, when Granddad told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could come in here and p*ss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

 

[zanwan]

Q: Whats the opposite of minimum?


























A: Minidad......