Down Under

[pred]

I was in Australiawith the wife recently, when she was stung on the minge by a hornet.

I phoned a local doctor, who was a bit of a laid back surfer type.

"Doc, please help me"

"Hey whats up man"

"My wife has been stung on her vagina and its competely closed up"

"Bummer dude"

"Thanks doc, bye"

 

[conny]

You barsteward!! Just sprayed my keyboard with Carling!!!!

 

[Brigadier]

Guy is touring the outback, and is desperate for a dump.

He pulls over at the next place he sees - a bar in the middle of nowhere.

Not wishing to seem rude, he orders a beer before asking "where's the toilet, mate?", of the bar tender. "Out back", comes the reply.

The traveller goes out back, to be confronted with two great steaming piles of shoi, one larger than the other, surrounded by hoards of flies. He can't believe his eyes but, now beside himself in pain, he opts for the smaller pile and drops his kegs.

All of a sudden, he hears a BANG!!! of a shotgun and there, standing at the rear of the bar, is the bar tender, who shouts,

"GET OUT OF THE LADIES, YA PERV!"

 

[Diane2]

The Australian, the Frenchman and the Canadian were bragging about their sexual escapades with their respective wives.

“After I have zee sex wiz my wife’” said the Frenchman, “I cover her wiz crepes suzette and eat it sensually off her silky bare skin. She becomes so excited she rises centimetres off ze bed.”

“After I screw my wife,” drawled the Canadian, “I pour maple syrup on her and lick it off slowly. She’s in so much goddam ecstasy she rises feet off the bed.”

“Me?”, says the Aussie. “When I’ve finished with my old lady I wipe my d*ck on the curtains and she hits the roof!”

 

[chapeau]

A South African, an Aussie and a Kiwi are discussing sheep they have shagged.

The South African says "I trap the sheep's head in the wires in the fence, gently sidle round the back without scareing her, and shag the brains out of her"

The Kiwi says "I don't need a fence, I lower her rear legs into my welly boots, I'm already behind her, and shag the brains out of her"

The Aussie says "You two are disgusting. How do you kiss her?"