The man from Barnsley
A Barnsley man goes to the vet:
Man : "Can yer stopme cat weein’ all rahnd t’house?"
Vet: "Is it a Tom?"
Man : "Nor, it’s in t’basket."
18 carat
A Yorkshiremans dog dies and and as it was his favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek a gols statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No ah want it chewin’ a bone yer daft bugger!"
I Spy
A Bradford couple are playing ‘I Spy’ in the kitchen.
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with T," said the husband.
"Tea pot?" said the lass. "Nay Lass!"
"Tea towel?" said the lass. "Nay Lass!"
"Toaster?" said the lass. "Nay Lass!" he replied drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don’t know." She said at long last. "I give in!"
"It’s easy!" he said, "It's t’oven!"
Eeh Bah Gum!
Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online… It’s called EehBuyGum.com!
T’winters coming
Two old ladies are talking in a village in the Dales. One says to the other, “You can tell t’winters coming cas t’butters ard.”
Hands on thighs
A Yorkshire aerobics instructor said to his class, “Hands on thighs!” So they class did… None of them could see a thing.
Pie on a clock
What do you call a pie on a clock? ‘Summat to eight!’
Mamma Mia
Mamma Mia: classic ABBA song or a Yorkshire kid telling his mum he’s arrived?
It’s t’roof not t’wheels
The Lurry Drahver who was spotted frantically chiselling away at the brickwork after his lorry got stuck while passing through a tunnel ?
“Why don’t you let the air in your tyres down a little?” asked a friendly passer by.
“Nay love,” replied the Yorkshireman, “it’s t’roof that won’t go under, not t’wheels”
She Were Thine
A Yorkshireman’s wife sadly passes away. He decides to have the words ‘She Were Thine’ engraved on her headstone.
He calls the mason, explains what he wants, then goes to see the stone a few days later. He takes one look and, to his horror, finds the mason has engraved ‘She Were Thin’.
He yells: “The blummin’ ‘e’ is missing! Where’s the ‘e’? Tha’s left the blummin’ ‘e’ out lad!”
The mason apologises profusely, and assures the widower it’ll be right on the day.
The day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church and head out to the graveyard.
There, in the glow of the winter sun, is the pristine headstone. Upon it inscribed:
“Eeh, She Were Thin.”
A Barnsley man goes to the vet:
Man : "Can yer stopme cat weein’ all rahnd t’house?"
Vet: "Is it a Tom?"
Man : "Nor, it’s in t’basket."
18 carat
A Yorkshiremans dog dies and and as it was his favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek a gols statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No ah want it chewin’ a bone yer daft bugger!"
I Spy
A Bradford couple are playing ‘I Spy’ in the kitchen.
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with T," said the husband.
"Tea pot?" said the lass. "Nay Lass!"
"Tea towel?" said the lass. "Nay Lass!"
"Toaster?" said the lass. "Nay Lass!" he replied drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don’t know." She said at long last. "I give in!"
"It’s easy!" he said, "It's t’oven!"
Eeh Bah Gum!
Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online… It’s called EehBuyGum.com!
T’winters coming
Two old ladies are talking in a village in the Dales. One says to the other, “You can tell t’winters coming cas t’butters ard.”
Hands on thighs
A Yorkshire aerobics instructor said to his class, “Hands on thighs!” So they class did… None of them could see a thing.
Pie on a clock
What do you call a pie on a clock? ‘Summat to eight!’
Mamma Mia
Mamma Mia: classic ABBA song or a Yorkshire kid telling his mum he’s arrived?
It’s t’roof not t’wheels
The Lurry Drahver who was spotted frantically chiselling away at the brickwork after his lorry got stuck while passing through a tunnel ?
“Why don’t you let the air in your tyres down a little?” asked a friendly passer by.
“Nay love,” replied the Yorkshireman, “it’s t’roof that won’t go under, not t’wheels”
She Were Thine
A Yorkshireman’s wife sadly passes away. He decides to have the words ‘She Were Thine’ engraved on her headstone.
He calls the mason, explains what he wants, then goes to see the stone a few days later. He takes one look and, to his horror, finds the mason has engraved ‘She Were Thin’.
He yells: “The blummin’ ‘e’ is missing! Where’s the ‘e’? Tha’s left the blummin’ ‘e’ out lad!”
The mason apologises profusely, and assures the widower it’ll be right on the day.
The day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church and head out to the graveyard.
There, in the glow of the winter sun, is the pristine headstone. Upon it inscribed:
“Eeh, She Were Thin.”
