Better use for new technology

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I just read about this recently:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/01/25/microwave_weapon/

Now I don't intend to start a thread on the rights and wrongs of this new weapon (because that's what it is - and I dare say the Gestapo would have sold Hitler's grandmother to get their hands on one). Rather, I'm wondering whether this technology might not be adapted for totally peaceful use. Let me elaborate.

Back in the sixties when comics had names like Wham, Smash and Fantastic (instead of Heat, Reveal and Closer) the writers came up with some amazing gadgets. A whole generation grew up believing that the humble transistor was a cross between a supersonic flame thrower and a perpetual motion machine and I was inspired to try and invent a tickle ray, surely a great gadget to try out in the playground. I knew a bit about radio and wondered whether some appropriately modulated RF would do the trick but I didn't really have the slightest idea where to start. In any case the large directional aerial would be a bit conspicuous so I gave up.

Several years later I was inspired once more, this time by carbon fibre. Maybe direct electrical skin stimulation would work. No more playground jokes either; this would be a toy for grown-ups! The basic idea was to weave these fine conducting filaments into an insulating fabric. So far so good but there would have to be a plethora of connections and a big box of electronics to generate the necessary random wave pattern. (Microchips were still in their infancy.) Maybe RF could be used to induce small voltages directly into the fibres - or how about a big coil right round the room? The biggest problem was that I couldn't see this fragile construction lasting five minutes. I gave up yet again though I always thought it would be possible some day.

Now it looks like that day might have arrived. This new device uses microwaves carefully tuned to stimulate pain receptors so what about retuning it to stimulate different nerve ends. The ones in hair follicles would be a good place to start. The random wave pattern is easy because these are microwaves. All you need is some baffles with holes moving in front of the beam, a bit like the good old pink elephant light display. I think the physicists and physiologists who invented that dubious pain gun should take a break from weapons research and give it a try. Ideas anybody?
 
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Not content with shooting their allies, now it looks as if they're fixing to boil them. Gives a whole new meaning to friendly fire.
 
Oh dear! It looks like I posted this in the wrong forum. I was going to let it slide off the bottom of the page into obscurity but notb665 asked a fair question and deserves an answer.

OK. But why?

Answer, because there's more to good sex than stuffing an urgent (please insert favourite euphemism here) into an indifferent vagina. As I said in the original post:

No more playground jokes either; this would be a toy for grown-ups!

If I thought I had half a chance of making that carbon fibre thing work I would send a prototype off to Anne Summers. Maybe some day.

PS: From the preview I can see that the automatic swear word detector doesn't just detect swear words. I tried to use the correct anatomical term but it got blocked. I found a swear word that would work but I'll let you choose your own.
 
Strange my posts seem to have disappeared from this thread? They wern't offensive were they??
 
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