Why do female black widow spiders kill
their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
____________________________________________________________
A little boy named Tommy had ESP. He could see
into the future.
One night, Tommy was praying and he said, "God
bless Mommy, Daddy, Fluffy, and goodbye Barny."
Barny was the families pet hampster.
Well, during that night, the cat, Fluffy, opened
up Barny's cage and ate him.
The next night, Tommy kneeled and prayed and said,
"God bless Mommy, Daddy, and goodbye Fluffy."
The next morning, Fluffy was walking across the
street when a truck ran him over.
That night, Tommy was praying and he said, "God
bless Mommy, and goodbye Daddy."
Well the father was very upset and, the next day,
he got his police officer friend to arrange an
armored car to pick him up and a police escort.
He came home the same way too. When he was walking
up the walk way, his wife came running out.
"Oh dear! You'll never guess what happened!"
"What is it?" He cried. "The mailman dropped dead
this morning at the doorstep!"
_____________________________________________________________
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom
shaving, when Bubba, a kid from around the
neighborhood, comes in after having mowed the
lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.
Well, Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity
got the best of the husband and he just had to
look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he
had ever seen!!! The man asked Bubba, 'I don't
mean to be too personal, but how did your dick
get that big? I couldn't help but notice...'
Bubba laughed and said, 'Every night before bed,
I bang it on the bedpost three times. Heck, it
impresses the girls at school!'
The husband was excited at the simplicity of this
technique and could hardly wait to try it
himself! Before he climbed into bed that night,
he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost
three times. He was just climbing into bed with
newfound confidence when the wife sits up,
half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and says,
'Bubba, is that you?'
_____________________________________________________________
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper
one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when
his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on
the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He
asks, 'What was that for?'
She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in
your pants pocket with the name Marylou written
on it?'
He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when
I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name
of one of the horses I bet on.'
She is appeased and goes off to work around the
house. Three days later he is once again sitting
in his chair reading and she repeats the frying
pan swatting.
He says, 'What's that for this time?'
She answered, 'Your horse called.'
their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
____________________________________________________________
A little boy named Tommy had ESP. He could see
into the future.
One night, Tommy was praying and he said, "God
bless Mommy, Daddy, Fluffy, and goodbye Barny."
Barny was the families pet hampster.
Well, during that night, the cat, Fluffy, opened
up Barny's cage and ate him.
The next night, Tommy kneeled and prayed and said,
"God bless Mommy, Daddy, and goodbye Fluffy."
The next morning, Fluffy was walking across the
street when a truck ran him over.
That night, Tommy was praying and he said, "God
bless Mommy, and goodbye Daddy."
Well the father was very upset and, the next day,
he got his police officer friend to arrange an
armored car to pick him up and a police escort.
He came home the same way too. When he was walking
up the walk way, his wife came running out.
"Oh dear! You'll never guess what happened!"
"What is it?" He cried. "The mailman dropped dead
this morning at the doorstep!"
_____________________________________________________________
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom
shaving, when Bubba, a kid from around the
neighborhood, comes in after having mowed the
lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.
Well, Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity
got the best of the husband and he just had to
look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he
had ever seen!!! The man asked Bubba, 'I don't
mean to be too personal, but how did your dick
get that big? I couldn't help but notice...'
Bubba laughed and said, 'Every night before bed,
I bang it on the bedpost three times. Heck, it
impresses the girls at school!'
The husband was excited at the simplicity of this
technique and could hardly wait to try it
himself! Before he climbed into bed that night,
he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost
three times. He was just climbing into bed with
newfound confidence when the wife sits up,
half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and says,
'Bubba, is that you?'
_____________________________________________________________
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper
one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when
his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on
the back of his head with a huge frying pan. He
asks, 'What was that for?'
She replies, 'What was that piece of paper in
your pants pocket with the name Marylou written
on it?'
He says, 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when
I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name
of one of the horses I bet on.'
She is appeased and goes off to work around the
house. Three days later he is once again sitting
in his chair reading and she repeats the frying
pan swatting.
He says, 'What's that for this time?'
She answered, 'Your horse called.'
