Lavatory waste wants to stay in pan

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If your turd is long and won't bend then it cannot 'travel'. Ocassionally I've ended up dropping a bucket full of water into the pan whereby the Newtonian forces of a mass of water overcome the non-Newtonian characteristics of what's stuck :)

You fo seem to know your Newtonians
 
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had similar problem in an '80 house. sometimes would flush, sometimes wouldn't. eventually had to replace the flexible coupler to find the 4"pipe going through the wall had lots of plaster skim surplus in it! chipped that away and we never had a problem afterwards.

builders had tried to wash away the surplus plaster away by pouring down the drain (and presumably flushing afterwards). hate to think what the rest of the foul water run is like.
 

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