Pranks

[securespark]

Continuing my reminiscing...

Have you ever done what you thought would be a really funny prank in front of a load of mates, only for it to go horribly wrong and your mates just cannot help you because they're falling about, helpless with laughter?

I remember late one night at school (I was a boarder) a guy decided to start a farting competition. Then someone thought it would be funny to introduce a lighter into the equation.

This one guy decided to rip off his keks. With his arse in the air and his feet over his head, this guy ignited his flatulence.

A huge flame erupted from his back passage, accompanied by blood-curdling screams. We were all peeing ourselves and could not see for crying, but the poor lad was carted off (the housemaster came in to see what the fuss was) to hospital.

Turned out they treated him for third degree burns to his rectum...

 

[joe-90]

It's nearly all trapped air - and most of it nitrogen which doesn't doesn't burn.

Sorry, don't believe the story for a moment.

 

[sooey]

Sounds like a load of sh*t to me too.

 

[DIYDANDY]

 

[crockett]

Fart lighting is indeed possible, although the rectum burning would probably be a bit extreme

 

[Donkmeister]

It's nearly all trapped air - and most of it nitrogen which doesn't doesn't burn.

Sorry, don't believe the story for a moment.

I read something (although that doesn't mean it's true) that about half of humans fart with a high proportion of methane, the other half it's mostly nitrogen. The article said it runs in families, but it didn't state if that was because of genetics or because families are likely to eat and drink similar stuff. I've noticed that boiled eggs, beer and garlic all result in emissions with the essence of what was consumed previously.

So, it may be that some people fart flammable gas, others don't. I've never attempted to light mine on fire, so don't know which category I fall into.

With regards to pranks, I played a great one on my dad one April Fool's day. He would always come up with a prank and one year I decided to get him back. So, I emptied the sugar bowl and refilled it with salt.

5 minutes later I wandered back into the kitchen to see my dad making a mug of tea. He looks at me, then very deliberately takes a fresh packet of sugar out of the cupboard and starts spooning it into his tea with a big smile. He then says "I rumbled your little prank, as if I would fall for salt in the sugar bowl!" before taking a big defiant swig of his tea...

Which he then sprayed all over the kitchen floor. Knowing he was wiley I had also put quite a bit of salt into the kettle!

Apparently he had wondered why the kettle had taken so long to boil!!!

 

[joe-90]

Even pure methane would only go with a small 'pop'. It's just a story that he's heard - but he hasn't thought it through. You'd think he'd have better things to do.

 

[Stivino]

In my youth, I saw lots of farts being lit. The first time I saw it was at a party, someone obviously had the wrong idea of trying to impress the ladies. I was rolling about laughing for ages.
http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

 

[meadowhog]

Some flash git at work bought a porsche. He told us it had had a respray. We got hold of some Thames Valley Police letter heading and typed 'We understand you are in posetion of a stolen car and the previous colour was Red as can be seen by a small patch of white on the firewall etc.(which he had explained to us). He got panicked, sold the car, bought a new one, which really was stolen and was confiscated!!!!!

 

[meadowhog]

Turned out they treated him for third degree burns to his rectum...

3rd degree burns means skin grafts. If he talked out of his arse did he have his lips grafted onto his bottom.

I guess this will be deleted. Sorry Mod but I cant believe you didnt chuckle.

 

[dpsservices]

Even pure methane would only go with a small 'pop'. It's just a story that he's heard - but he hasn't thought it through. You'd think he'd have better things to do.

cheers up joe not like you being a grump mate

 

[RedHerring2]

If you wanna set someone up with a Policewoman strip'o'gram, here's a ruse:

You're on your way to the party, with the subject on board. you need to stop off for fuel. You stop off at a 'pre-arranged' station and start to fill the tank, with a 'pre-arranged' amount. You plead bladder weakness and ask your 'subject' to carry on filling for you, to the 'pre-arranged' amount, while you dash off to the loo, perhaps saying something like "you'll pay on the way out".

You return, you all jump in and drive off. On the journey you raise the question, "who paid for the fuel?","Did you pay?", "No, I thought you did.", "No, I forgot", etc, etc.
"Ho, my gosh, they've got CCTV at that station"

Obviously, later in the evening, a policewoman arrives.........

 

[RedHerring2]

I'm still waiting for the opportunity to be a best man:

During the speech, while you're talking about the qualities of the groom, you mention his aburd habit of giving all his mistresses a key to his door. So you plead, now he's settled, could he have his keys back, please.
Obviously, you've primed some of the guests to return a key............