Back too Grimy Manchester ,lol



Hello All :)
We got back from our holiday yesterday ,:(
an I feel suicidal already ,lol

I wasnt looking forward to the 10 hr flight out to St. Maarten in the Caribbean ,
as Im a terrible nervous flyer,
BUT I was very impressed with this Air France plane ,
an airbus ,very nice plush an the stewardesses were lovely an 1st class ,

my wife was a great help with me an I even thought about dropping a few Es before hand to mellow me out ,

the plane wasnt packed so when this brummie called Ian who was sat near me saw I was a bit nervous launched into his knowledge of past Airfrance Airbus crashes.....the crash in Canada was his favourite story ...:(
I think he was generally thinking he was helping reassure me that Air France had sorted their planes out now ,
it wasnt helpful ,
in the end my wife asked the stewardess an we were moved to the back of the plane ,
thank F*** for that , lol

I had been warned not to get Drunk by her who must be obeyed so ,
I was sat there then reading an wishing the time away ,
We landed at Juliana Airport , we were met by Wendy , who looked stunning as ever .....
what struck me an never ceases to amaze me is how good looking women get when they get older ,
as if they all have paintings in their attics going old as they remain so gorgeous ,
I thought about this earlier on the flight as my wife was asleep next to me shes a good looker but she doesnt stress about how old she is an can easily pass for 10 years younger even without make-up ...

Anyway Wendy has aged very well too 38, but looks in her late 20s....
We then jumped in her car an went to her villa ,
Her villa is further up from cole bay , the villa is on its own land an on beach front , (private beach ,OMFG ! lol )
as we drove down her access road I thought to think she lived in a 2 bed terrace in salford back then across the road from my wife ,lol the girl done well :) ;)

we drove up....
an we got out to the morning sun ....was rising above the villa,
an we were both gobsmacked ,
it was Gorgeous ,
we went in an threw our luggage in our bedroom ,
it has 5 bedrooms 3 bathrooms , went in the sun lounge room an looked out of the patio windows ,
the pool was there an you could see the garden leading to her beach ...

she told us to relax an her home was our home ....RELAX PLEASE ...

she then told us her maid Ruth would be in shortly an would do us our breakfast
but til then she went to her fridge
(the size of a small uk car )
an got out two bottles of champagne , Bucks Fizz anyone :)

The next few days we just settled in ,

we got used to her villa an the scorching heat ,

I explored her beach front got quite chatty/friendly with her gardener Robert ,
he was a good sound bloke ,
he had worked for her late hubby an so Wendy had kept him on ...

at night we just chilled out an talked about good old days ....
On the wed night she had organised a Retro 80s party with all her ex pat local English mates ,
during the day she asked Rob to ferry us around an show us the town an sites, while she sorted the party arrangements out ..

I really enjoyed the day as Rob took us off the touristy route ,

we had dinner at his aunts house he then over a few beers told us about the Island of salts turbulent history ,
many locals are still living below the poverty level even with the rich white tourists flocking there ...

I got told how it was... without it being like he was telling me off for the sins of the europeans

We then went into the main town Philipsburg she went shopping , Rob an I went for a few cold ones ..
when the wife had done her shopping frenzy she came to the Get wet bar we were in we went back to the villa ,

Wendy asked if we wanted a snack but we said No an we were off for a lie down ,
the glint in her eye as she replied
"should I bring my records .. !"
I nearly choked...
back in the day this is what we used to say to each over in school if we were going to have fun that night ,
in that tiny front salford bedroom of mine in the early 70s/80s saw some wild fun nights ,lol
my wife said "bring your smiths LPs,"

Wendy laughed an said "maybe another night ...just not enought time for all them records tonight !"
with a wicked wink ....
I was having hot /cold flushes when in the bedroom , I said to my wife "do you think shes serious ?", lol
Oh Yes , I got told

we had a bit of fun an fell asleep ....
I was awoken later to be told get dressed ,

the wife had brought some of our old 80s clothes...urrrgh

as Wendy had told her guests to dress 80s style ,
thank God my old Sergio Tacchini trackie still fit ,

My wife looked stunning.. she had a boob tube on (or just on )an had a yellow RaRa skirt on,
an she had styled her hair up all big like ...OMFG I had travelled back in time
when we saw Wendy she had on similar , she had on torn fishnet stockings punkish
we looked like 80s throwbacks an I hoped all her mates would make the effort too ...
when they all (about 40 odd ) arrived I was surprised how very upper class many were,
til this guy Roger was telling me many have moored yachts in the harbour ....
Anyway I can supp with anyone I got on great with them all ,

most had made the effort ,
some very good (old)New Romantics there

an one guy paul was dressed like Adam Ant ....Fantastic ...

Then I was introduced to Allen ( spoken allane !) a young lad in his 20s , french /Algerian , this was Wendies boyfriend (WTF,HMMM :( )
he was a hunky "jean claude vanne damme" looking guy an God did he know it , lol
(I was pig sick ,)

WHY I didnt think Wendy was playing the field ,
I dont know ...

shes gorgeous , sexy an very rich ...

why shouldnt she have boyfriends , lol

When I shook his hand ,
I could tell he knew he knew I had been more than mates with wendy , lol
I was very polite an friendly (tbh , if I was a gayer I would of had/wanted him in a heartbeat too ,lol)

what got my back up though was when Wendy an the wife came over he said very loudly an quite threatening ...
"I thought this Old Man was Wendies father ,"
(in his pidgin english/french )
quickly as the room went quiet ..I said in my thick manc accent

"Nah young lad , her dads younger an better looking !"

Everyone burst into laughter an the party carried on ,

as Allen latched onto my wife flirting an being generally "being French like !"
I said to Wendy sincerely "your a dark horse lady , but I AM GLAD for you !"
she turned an said ,

" hmmm dont worry, I aint thick know he thinks Im a dumb old horny widow,
yep,.. Im horny but not dumb , he is good , damn good but would never replace my 1st love .."

(I knew my heart would miss a few beats on the holiday !)

She was then off to the decks by the pool bar an started throwing The Smiths with The slaughter an the dogs ,Joy Division ,the Fall , an then some Stone Roses lol
LOL the yacht crowd couldnt make head or tail of her picks

I was loving this good MUSIC an the wife was too , great tunes an the rum was hitting the raging drunkard inside too easily ...I went back on the beer QUICK .. very quick ..

I didnt want to go Crackers ... I didnt want a drunk Manc Mentalist ruining this for me I know would be unleashed if trouble come calling ,

(+ the GMP SPG dont cover the caribbean , lol , they shoot you there )
an after all this love Wendy had shown us ...

I went to see how my wife was doing with Allen ,
after she waved me over....
I stood behind his back ,
apparently he was telling her how she could do far better than with me , he loved her beautiful black hair ,
( snap , I do too , lol )
an how he could take her an show her what a real women should feel ,

he had seen you sad english women you need real men not your swine husbands ..
charming ,lol ....

She looked over his shoulder at me an laughed an rolled her eyes ...Mocking him ,lol

I said loudly "do you want a drink ?,my mate allen "

I think he may of sh*t himself as he jumped around ,

I smirked at him .lol

He was drunk an full of it ... lol
he then wanted to arm wrestle me ,

Wendy came steaming over telling him to calm it down ,

he then wanted to fight /box with me for the two bitches (eh young lads , lol )

If I had been rummed up ...
I would be rolling about an scuffling with him an of course getting battered stupid ,next day ....sore but proud , DOH

but my lil change back too beer had kept me sane enough to diffuse Raging Bullah ,
I told him I was his mate....
an he was going to take me fishing?..... an show me how to fish please .... ?
this calmed him down he was "DRUNKEN BESTIEST MATE "again ,

Wendy wasnt so nice she told him to JUST GO !..
we are finished ... ;)
anyway I took him to the taxi an poured him in it ,

the party went on til about 5 ,
I had found my "second legs" an acted the Perfect hostesses bestiest friend ,
getting them away an sorted ...

by 6.......... I wanted to party again ,
but was dragged to bed by my wife , ;)

Allen did take me out on "USchallenger3" her late hubbies boat ,

an we fished I caught nothing ....he caught a few ....hmmm
we had a good time chatting drinking , he was ok ...just a silly young lad wanting it for nothing ..

The rest of the week we chilled,
an on that Sat we went to her friends Rogers Party on his sloope yacht ,

I got drunk /hammered tried to drive it an hit another boat ,
nothing like titantic but you would think so ,lol
it was only going 1 mph an bumped another berthed boat on this pontoon harbour ,
I had to say to him though "why let a drunk guy play with your boat ? REALLY ,"

which went down well ,

next afternoon ,
I took Roger a bottle of Rum to say Sorry ,
he invited My wife an I to go out on the monday ,
around the islands ,
He wanted to show off how FAST his sailing boat went ,just cause I said on windemere them powerboats get fast unlike sail boats ...., lol

My wife an I went around the island ,

YES WE WENT an it was another Ego booster for some cretin ...
He welcomed us aboard an gave a glass of wine , me a can ,

He was going on about windemere ,
I said we go there an a have trip on the boat ,

He then stormed off an started shouting to his 4 crew ,

the boat shot off ..........
it was like a power boat ....we fell back the wifes glass flew out of her hand ,
I raced to the big wheel of the boat an told Roger stop now ,

I got told dont be frightened its quicker than windermere but you will ENJOY it ..
I went the cabin an the wife was throwing her guts up everywhere , projectile , all over ...

I had Roger squealing behind me , "stop her , stop her , "
I turned to him an screamed "stop this boat now or else I will snap your F******neck !"
within minutes we were gliding ,

slowly through the water ,
sails down ,
we cruised back ,
my lass in bits over it ,
"ashamed an sorry " for being sick ... hmmm :(

I GOT Roger to escort her of his boat ,
an give a full apology for his stupidity ,
an he deserved her sick/smell as a reminder on what a bad captain he was ...
I took that bottle of Rum back as well ...

We had another party second week ,
early halloween one ,
Allen was there in just thong ... (his idea .....
his quite big sausage flopping about ...
Allen said I should get 1st prize for best ghoul ,
I wasnt wearing one

but a 1 $ pumpkin mask

Wendy an Maria, the Vampire Twins ...
both wore vampish sexy costumes , black stockings ,sussies , short skirts an shiny black low cut blouses , goth make up ,
great party no funny business ,
an we were all bladdered later ...

I awoke by the Caribbean sun on me holding Wendy in one arm an Maria in the other ,lol ...bliss...

the rest of the holiday was spent chilling ... an relaxing :)

When we left it was tearful for us all ,
I wished Wends all the kindness an love in the world an told her give allen a go as a long term partner but dont let him near her money ,
she told me she quite like another guy now ,
Maria was in bits as we left wends ...

What has stuck me is how destroyed my wife is losing her best friend again I .....:)

btw the last few nights we did get to hear "those records tonight " again ..;)

that was the holiday ... ....Loved it ...;)
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try to share an get you lads happy ...

life for the workin fella can be sweet lol ;)
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F**K me moz i think i will print that lot off and read it in bed tonight.

Moz! welcome home, I havnt read your post its too long, but I'm sure it makes a lot of sense, hope you had a well earned rest, Me and Caroline set off on our holiday this morning, we turned off the water at the mains, switched off the lecy on things like the telly,pooter (not the freezer LOL) and stuff, anyway off we went happy on our holiday (and its Caroline's birthday) got a boat to tresco to catch our helicopter to penzance (had a nice liquid lunch at the New Inn) and then went to the heliport and then down came the fog, we are back home and have to try again tomorrow morning at 7:30am. bummer :cry:
thank you in advance for feeling sorry for us.
scatmanjohn said:
F**K me moz i think i will print that lot off and read it in bed tonight.


War and peace'd be shorter...but not as entertaining ;)

Good to hear you had a great time Moz :D
New Inn....memories
me an blaney an fat todd , we were camped out there many years ago ,
my youth days , "got on my bike !" (bit too far went too E'London an worked the goldmine )
in my old vw camper I had , is it Charlie that still has that place , if no , if yes mention "that scum" who emptied the toilet on the carpark ..(he banned us after the 1st tourist bus of the season pulled up ...)
Moz said:
New Inn....memories
me an blaney an fat todd , we were camped out there many years ago ,
my youth days , "got on my bike !" (bit too far went too E'London an worked the goldmine )
in my old vw camper I had , is it Charlie that still has that place , if no , if yes mention "that scum" who emptied the toilet on the carpark ..(he banned us after the 1st tourist bus of the season pulled up ...)
urm! yes :confused: that can be abit of a problem :eek: I'm sure everyone agree's ?
Moderater - the ads at the top of this thread have now clarified to me what you mean by family forum. Although I wouldn't want any children of mine reading them. (I bet you got an ugly wife anyway)
gcol said:
You can't just say, "I'm back, had a nice time.... what I miss?" can you moz?
Cheers mucker. ;)

Never been so entertained hearing about someone else's holiday!
hermes said:
gcol said:
You can't just say, "I'm back, had a nice time.... what I miss?" can you moz?
Cheers mucker. ;)

Never been so entertained hearing about someone else's holiday!

I always suspected you were lying when you said that my slide show was, and I quote, "most invigorating"......
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