A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner
after 25 years in a Tipperary parish. A leading local
politician and member of the congregation was
chosen to make the presentation and give a little
speech at dinner. He was delayed, so the priest
decided to say his own few words while they were waiting.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the
first confession I heard here. I thought I had been
assigned to a terrible place. The very first person
who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television set and, when questioned by the police, was
able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money
from his parents, embezzled from his employer,
had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal
drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But
as the days went on I knew that my people were not all
like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish
full of good and loving people.".....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician
arrived full of apologies at being late. He
immediately began to make the presentation and gave
his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish
priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had
the honour of being the first one to go to him in
confession."
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A plane was taking off from Shannon recently and when it reached it's cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Liam Walsh. Welcome to Flight 293, Shannon to Heathrow. The weather ahead is good and therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax and...............Oh! My God!!!!!!
Silence followed and after a good few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the stewardess brought me a cup of coffee and unfortunately spilled it into my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!"
A voice from the back shouts up, "That's nothing! You should see the back of mine !!!! "
----------------------------------
A man had great tickets for the FA Cup Final.
As he takes his seat, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting beside him.
"No," he says, "it's empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final and not use it?"
The first man says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first FA Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh!.....I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or a relative or even a neighbour - to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
after 25 years in a Tipperary parish. A leading local
politician and member of the congregation was
chosen to make the presentation and give a little
speech at dinner. He was delayed, so the priest
decided to say his own few words while they were waiting.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the
first confession I heard here. I thought I had been
assigned to a terrible place. The very first person
who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a
television set and, when questioned by the police, was
able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money
from his parents, embezzled from his employer,
had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal
drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But
as the days went on I knew that my people were not all
like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish
full of good and loving people.".....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician
arrived full of apologies at being late. He
immediately began to make the presentation and gave
his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish
priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had
the honour of being the first one to go to him in
confession."
----------------------------------
A plane was taking off from Shannon recently and when it reached it's cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Liam Walsh. Welcome to Flight 293, Shannon to Heathrow. The weather ahead is good and therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax and...............Oh! My God!!!!!!
Silence followed and after a good few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the stewardess brought me a cup of coffee and unfortunately spilled it into my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!"
A voice from the back shouts up, "That's nothing! You should see the back of mine !!!! "
----------------------------------
A man had great tickets for the FA Cup Final.
As he takes his seat, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting beside him.
"No," he says, "it's empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final and not use it?"
The first man says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first FA Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh!.....I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or a relative or even a neighbour - to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
