Writing a song about a rant about life - input invited

MeldrewsMate

MeldrewsMate

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Buckinghamshire, Darn Sarf
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Instead of becoming a serial killer, my therapist has suggested I get all these irritants out of my system by writing a top 40 hit song. Sadly and quite soon after this suggestion the therapist had a nasty accident, so in his memory I came up with the idea of a rant song detailing those sodding things that really get on my nerves.
It'll be in the style of the Billy Joel 'we didn't start the fire' song from the 1980s.

For a starter, here are some of my pet hates:

Christmas decs in September
Radio ads that say '...and that's why we introduced the...'
Black Friday
Apostrophe abuse
Temporary traffic lights
20mph speed limits
'...I'll be 2 seconds...'
Traffic lights on roundabouts
Covid whingers
Text speak
White kids talking like a rapper
Fireworks all year around
Managing cookies
Dog shi-ite on the pavement
Cat shi-ite in my garden
Special offers from Sky broadband
The black bin's full on a green bin day
Face-ache/phone addicts
Black lives matter (white lives don't?)
Easter eggs in January
Me too, and the witch hunts that follow
Privacy policies
Parking on the pavement
Trying to get EU261 compo from Ryanair
People blocking the baggage carousel
3 indicator flashes are considered an adequate lane change warning
Late indicator use
'The Government should spend more on...' attitude
Overuse of 'literally'
Like (and likes)
New names for old diets
No thick kids anymore, they all have an 'ism' or an 'ic'
Shopping
(It's nothing like) Reality TV
Video Assistant Referees
Women only gyms
Ethnic/disabled job quotas
Loud minority groups
Getting anywhere at Christmas
Not answering the question on Question Time
Selling coffee at £4 a cup.
Not knowing if they dug up the 1970 Blue Peter time capsule
Phone and PC updates and reboots.

...and more as and when they arise.

I'm feeling calmer already.
 
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MeldrewsMate said:
Instead of becoming a serial killer, my therapist has suggested I get all these irritants out of my system by writing a top 40 hit song. Sadly and quite soon after this suggestion the therapist had a nasty accident, so in his memory I came up with the idea of a rant song detailing those sodding things that really get on my nerves.
It'll be in the style of the Billy Joel 'we didn't start the fire' song from the 1980s.

For a starter, here are some of my pet hates:

Christmas decs in September
Radio ads that say '...and that's why we introduced the...'
Black Friday
Apostrophe abuse
Temporary traffic lights
20mph speed limits
'...I'll be 2 seconds...'
Traffic lights on roundabouts
Covid whingers
Text speak
White kids talking like a rapper
Fireworks all year around
Managing cookies
Dog shi-ite on the pavement
Cat shi-ite in my garden
Special offers from Sky broadband
The black bin's full on a green bin day
Face-ache/phone addicts
Black lives matter (white lives don't?)
Easter eggs in January
Me too, and the witch hunts that follow
Privacy policies
Parking on the pavement
Trying to get EU261 compo from Ryanair
People blocking the baggage carousel
3 indicator flashes are considered an adequate lane change warning
Late indicator use
'The Government should spend more on...' attitude
Overuse of 'literally'
Like (and likes)
New names for old diets
No thick kids anymore, they all have an 'ism' or an 'ic'
Shopping
(It's nothing like) Reality TV
Video Assistant Referees
Women only gyms
Ethnic/disabled job quotas
Loud minority groups
Getting anywhere at Christmas
Not answering the question on Question Time
Selling coffee at £4 a cup.
Not knowing if they dug up the 1970 Blue Peter time capsule
Phone and PC updates and reboots.

...and more as and when they arise.

I'm feeling calmer already.
Click to expand...

So you know your not alone in Red. Not much other help unless you want me to sing
 
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MeldrewsMate said:
Parking on the pavement
Click to expand...
And across cycling lanes.Lazy people in cars who cannot walk 5 yards,,,need to be a step away from cash point,,New annoyance,,,ques down the road for Mackey D.....fekoffffffff man.Eat something else.
Loads of drivers use phone whilst driving.
 
Listening to the radio where the person is speaking well with a pleasant voice then it's news and traffic time so it changes to a screechy little girl who has never had an English lesson and has tried to get rid of her northern accent but can't manage the 'U's.
 
EFLImpudence said:
Listening to the radio where the person is speaking well with a pleasant voice then it's news and traffic time so it changes to a screechy little girl who has never had an English lesson and has tried to get rid of her northern accent but can't manage the 'U's.
Click to expand...
PC madness..Every ad needs an ethnic minority,every presenter has to have a disability.CountryFile,,,they have to have that male wheelchair user in the middle of a ploughed field.
 
durhamplumber said:
,,New annoyance,,,ques down the road for Mackey D.....fekoffffffff man.Eat something else.
Click to expand...

They must be coining it in the lockdown when many independent restaurants and cafs are going to the wall. Still I suppose they're busy, not because people necessarily want McDs - just that it's the only game in town if you're out and about and want something hot.
 
We were watching channel Dave last night and there were 7 adverts during one break.
5 contained non-whites, 1 contained a disabled and one had no people in it, just a gambling advert with spinning reels.

Seems fairly balanced to me, NOT!
 
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