You're a fellow human in personal stress?

Sorry to hear that you're still having difficulties mate. Sounds like you did the right thing to go in and get checked out, hopefully further tests will help with things to make you better or to confirm all is ok.

Although I understand that things might look pretty bleak right now, life is precious. Keep going.
 
I thought I'd grown , like, a bit of a tough skin over the memories. Then I opened her wardrobe and saw all the empty clothes.
She wasn't a collector of fine couture, but there were the nice dresses for when we went somewhere with others, and the travelling gear we had such good times in. We visited/worked in about 75 countries in some of those clothes.
That was me out of it for a few hours.

Waiting for probate, some financials want to see that, and it can take months.
It's well worth making sure that y'all contact all your sole account holders, to make it clear who is the beneficiary in the event of death.
A couple of account providers had that, and only want an emailed copy of the DCert, whereas other who had no such thing need probate and certified copies of the DC, and a copy of the marriage cert. Pain!

The only awkward thing left is her car. We'd sold "mine", I'm using hers, and have changed the insurance, but technically it's not taxed so I have to transfer ownership. I have to go to the post office for that , but I won't have a car to go in.....
Sod it, they can lock me up.

Most people have gone quiet. One neighbour I alsways liked has kept in touch. She home-schools her young kids and knows I can do sciences, and got quite keen when I said I had some educational bits & stuff. Then she offered to mow the back lawn (as I only have one working hand). Oooh! Then she had a problem with changing a car battery so I sorted that. Then she let it slip that she's parted from her husband. Ah, shields up!

Mum's funeral Thursday - I can't make that. I could get a car the 500 mile round trip for about a grand, but no. I'll pass.

I'm gradually throwing away the stuff in the fridge as it gets out of date. Heat something for half an hour? No, can't be assed. Beans on toast doesn't do, nutritionally so I got some Complete Meal drink things. They're fine.

I need a housekeeper sort of person. I'm told they're only 20 and hour or so. It's just finding someone.
 
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It’s still absolutely normal to have ups and downs Justin, and there will be things (like the clothes) that will trigger you. 75 countries is pretty darn impressive - shows a life well lived!

That’s fair advice about the bank beneficiary(s). You have to wonder why banks don’t ask this kind of stuff when you set up an account to prevent future problems.

Regarding the car, you should be able to tax and insure it online even if in someone else’s name - just need the v5 or a tax reminder for the VED. But yeah, the chances of getting caught are pretty low and the penalties minor if you’re not driving very far.

Sounds to me like both you and the neighbours need a friend at the moment, so hopefully that can be mutually beneficial for both of you to help each other out for different reasons…doesn’t have to be anything more in it than that.

Obviously your call about your mum’s funeral, as long as you’re not going to regret missing it (or the opportunity to see family) later on. As you well know, there’s more to life than money and you have the means if you so wish…

I used to be a terrible eater and it reflected in my health/weight. Loads of decent ready meals out there now - far better than nutritional drinks in my view. Maybe once things have settled down thats something to consider. We do Hello Fresh meals now and you get a lot that are 10-20mins to cook, so are really simple and actually not a chore to make.

Yeah, plenty of cleaners and housekeepers out there nowadays. I think the challenge is getting a reliable/trustworthy one.
 
OK I'll look at Hello Fresh. Have seena few thousand ads for them.
Drinks like Huel are fomulated to be a full dietary thing now. There are cheaper ones which are nearly as good. They're boring, it's true.
Sometimes I do an omelette with whatever I have - banana, bits of chocolate,, grapes, slice of lime....(!)
Vitamin D, Fish oil ( I don't eat fish) and Creatine seem to be recommended.
I get a blue badge car tax discount, which has to be the P.O. but tbh I haven't checked.
Cars are on the. "Tell Us Once" form you get from the Registry Office, which informs the pensions, benefits Passport, DVLC etc offices.
There's a Bereavement Advice Service to engage with too.
A couple of people have warned me the Pensions people are very keen to get their money back!.

Clothes etc will be easier once I start to clear them.
She was an academic too - so had a lot of shelf-metres of books.
Still only have one working hand.

If I haven't put it already:
One, of a couple, has to go first, and it's never going to be easy. Especially if you leave out gross disability and dementia.
So I'm glad it was her. We both said "see ya tomorrow" and she just went to sleep without saying anything more, no extended suffering
I know a guy whose wife had a non-operable brain tumor, so it was a 3 month decline to the inevitable, Ugh.
I have far more crap to sort out than she did, too. She wasn't the sort to bother much with passwords, they were all on her pc. She wouldn't have known in detail what the finances were, or where, without searching deeply. I knew most of hers . Rented properties are in my name , etc etc.
She would have had to use a bank/acct/lawyer to keep the purse-strings. 8 figure balance so she'd have managed, it's true.
 
I imagine you'll get the first few food boxes from HelloFresh for next to nothing so worth a try. I know Huel etc have the right vitamins, etc but there's no replacement for sitting down to a nice, hot meal in my view.

When you're ready, hopefully the clear out of things will be cathartic. I'm sure the clothes, books, etc will also find useful second lives with other people if you donate them to the right places. Some charities will come to you to collect/remove items, but obviously they just take everything so you need to have gone through it all first.

Good advice there about life planning. I don't even have a will at the moment, but at 46 I should think about this sort of stuff really. Need to have someone where all my accounts, pensions, passwords, etc are listed so the if I am no longer around that others can find all this stuff easily.
 
3 months later, total 5 months since death.
All the textbook reactions are still rolling round.
I still haven't done some of the follow up stuff, like transferring £.

I have a woman wot does, a couple of times a week. Helps a bit. But she, and everyone else, gets on my nerves.
Health only goes one directon. Right wrist, post op, is not right yet.
There's no "up" side.
I might move house, or get a lift put in this one.
I would take very little from this one if I moved, so most things could go in a skip, but I'm not ready yet.

If/when I get down the list a bit I shall start an action against the NHS for negligence. Or rather, I'll let someone else do it.
 
Justin Passing said:
3 months later, total 5 months since death.
All the textbook reactions are still rolling round.
I still haven't done some of the follow up stuff, like transferring £.

I have a woman wot does, a couple of times a week. Helps a bit. But she, and everyone else, gets on my nerves.
Health only goes one directon. Right wrist, post op, is not right yet.
There's no "up" side.
I might move house, or get a lift put in this one.
I would take very little from this one if I moved, so most things could go in a skip, but I'm not ready yet.

If/when I get down the list a bit I shall start an action against the NHS for negligence. Or rather, I'll let someone else do it.
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Take your time my friend.

Hope all goes ok for you and you find inner peace too.
 
After the trauma you have suffered I think its important to not rush into anything. Act in haste, repent at leisure. Take time to get used to your loss (I know its not easy) but you will get to acceptance and be able to see things clearer given time. My mum died in 1999 and I still miss her.

Give it time and remember you are not alone
 
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