What people say and what they really mean

[notb665]

Don't you hate when people say something like:

1. How often do you get into Leicester?

or

2. Is 'Betty' in? [not my wife's real name]

When what they really mean is:

1. I have just bought some car seats on ebay, and as I live right at the end of Cornwall, wondered if you wouldn't mind taking a 3 hour round trip to pick them up for me and then store them at your house for a few months until I can come and pick them up?

and

2. I am too tight to order a taxi. Could your wife give me a lift please?

 

[Softus]

Or, "have you had a nice day?".

= "I have had an absolutely sh*t day, so don't you dare have had a good one".

 

[mlb3c]

or
"are you busy?"
meaning....I want your attention.

"if you don't mind...."
meaning....I'm going to anyway...why bother asking

"I want your honest opinion"
meaning....but not so honest you will burt my feelings

Is this what you mean?
meaning....take what you can get

 

[Softus]

"I think you deserve some rest after all your hard work".
Yeah - don't get too used to sitting down, 'cos I've got a f*** off list of chores for your sorry ass.

"What do you think of this - honest opinion?"
You had better like this.

"I'm stupid, but I expect you'll say it's easy".
I really don't want to give you any more than a fiver.

 

[mlb3c]

this is classic....

"your call is very important"=you're gonna be on hold for half of eternity

"your estimated wait time...30 min"=if you're lucky...we're at lunch, sucker

"all our representatives are busy helping other customers"=we're having a baby shower for Gwyneth....just put the phones on auto.

 

[jbonding]

"I wish ide met you last week ive just had my livingroom plastered"

 

[Steve]

"go and have your break janet" . . . . and make me a brew while you've got the kettle on

 

[Softus]

"I'm not trying to sell you anything"
I think you're too stupid to notice that I'm selling you something you don't need

"I don't think you completely unblocked it last time"
I ignored your advice to get the roots cut out, and I don't want to pay you for unblocking it a second time

"So - isn't that the council's problem?"
I really don't want to pay anyone anything

"Well I don't know how that [nappy] got down there"
You smart ar*e - you're never coming back here

"Mindy's husband wants her to have a breast enlargement"
You have 2.9 seconds to tell me that mine are just fine the way they are

" <silent glare> "
You have 1.9 seconds to notice the haircut I had today, and to tell me that you like it, and you'd better make it sound genuine

"I wondered where that jacket/trousers/jumper/hat had gone"
I'll hide that .... better next time

"I'll drive so that you can have a drink"
If you have so much as a tiny headache in the morning there be hell to pay

 

[jbonding]

im just going for a couple of pints

 

[jbonding]

is that the time

 

[jbonding]

im just resting my eyes

 

[jbonding]

its not **** i must of spilt something

 

[Richardp]

uum! that was delicious.

 

[WoodYouLike]

Awfully sorry to interrupt the nice conversation you two are having, but…

I’m going to do it anyway, cause a) your conversation can’t be important; b) I’m in a hurry; c) I feel left out; d) I can’t stand the two of you having a nice time

Even happens at business meetings and I just hate that!

 

[mandiehun]

My dad has been saying this for about 20 years ' i'm going up for half an hour on top of the bed ' Why say that when we all no for a fact that he's gonna be there for at least an hour and a half and that he's gonna be snuggled up under the covers. And then he gets up and moans that he's had no sleep even though everyone heard him snoring his head off