a bit of humour ..todays news ..



a bit of humour ..

French raise terror alert
"Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'."

Today's lesson is - dont run away from the armed policemen telling you to stop
especially if your a foreigner lol
The bloke who was shot
was running away from the Police and told to stop running or they would shoot him. He ran, they shot him. If he is only guilty of stupidity that is his fault.

CCTV footage now released by plod.

From the bbc message board
My boyfriend was on the number 38 bus travelling towards Trafalgar Square. He spotted a young Asian man sweating heavily despite it not being cold, and seem very agitated, taking up the seat next to him with a Fitness First bag (like those mentioned). He alerted the conductor on the bus, who just shrugged and said he'd noticed him "But what can I do?"
I too have noticed other people sweating heavily despite it not being cold. Indeed, what can one do? Transparent bags are all very well, but terrorists could still secrete bombs about their person. During this spate of unpleasantness (or until it gets cold), could we all go to work in the nude please?

From the bbc website
"I was at Vauxhall this morning and I'd like to thank a man in a Fantastic Four T-Shirt for keeping me calm when everyone got panicky. He even offered me one of his Wotsits! I know it sounds silly but if you're out there Rich, thanks"

to beat the terrorists we need to take america's lead
and train our kids up with guns early on...

2am to 3am:
Jack Bauer waits in Trafalgar Square for a night bus with a bunch of ****ed Australians
3am to 4am
Jack now on bus but realises that it doesn't take the same route at night as during the day and that is going to add another 45 minutes to his journey.
Kim gets kidnapped
by a minibus full of e-d up clubbers
cue slow-mo
of Kim in van as it drives over a succession of speed humps and gets her shirt ripped open

As the only suicide bombers we've ever had are of
Arabian/Asian appearance, could we, as a nation
ask all people of Asian/Arabian appearance to only
carry clear plastic bags on public transport?

New game. Inform police that an enemy of yours is carrying a bomb on the tube. Watch the police shoot him. Result (jazy an his girlfriend fool engineer ,watch out ,lol)

30, 26...
C'mon you bombers. Four more buses and I'll have my new lottery numbers

BBC1 Thursday: "Should I worry about ... Suicide Bombers?"
with Richard Hammond.

The BBC Website
Is asking for photos / videos from anyone who was near the shooting. I tell you, this "Happy Slapping" thing has gone too far.

If this bloke was one of the four from yesterday
then how would he had time to get another bomb to wear under his jacket enabling him toget shot in the head.

Well, he's got his 72 virgins now i guess

Suicide bombers?
It's Ken clamping down on fare dodgers AT LAST.

who'd want 72 virgins?
ow boohoo , ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, ow boohoo, etc.

If had the choice between '23-yr old policeperson recruited to foster better relations with the community' or 'hardened professional squaddie with big gun' to look after my welfare, I'd take the latter.
It did have all the hallmarks of an SAS hard arrest - very fast and ultra-aggressive
But bear in mind you only aim the SAS at known targets.
I'd also bet that the arrest team ****ed off sharpish to avoid awkward questions or photographs

The Koran
One passage talks of paradise having
'virgins/raisins that neither man nor jinnie have touched before'
virgins makes more sense to me there, I mean what sort of man would finger my grapes?
I can't believe that any religion would be stupid enough
to try and entice people with raisons. Do we look like ****ing pigeons (or whatever the **** eats raisons)? What next, St Peter gives good christians a bowl of muesli?
Won't get them now...
...as he didn't kill an infidel etc.

Life sucks!

Fat bloke in puffa jacket shot dead by fashion police
Shaun Ryder

Well if we're doing fashion crimes, can I add
the following?
1. Girls with bellies in crop tops
2. 'comedy' ties
3. VPL (either wear unobstrusive underwear or take them off)

tights under jeans
in fact, tights are always wrong, please ladies, it's stockings or nothing.
I know someone
that wears fishnets UNDERNEATH her underwear. Vile trussed up vadge slg. Ergh.

Im advocating a shoot on sight policy for all the above?

Police expert on Sky
"There's a fine line between who we shoot and who we don't", "We're not just shooting anybody"
from BBC (Possibly)
A Police Spokesman said "We received a report of a suspicious person fitting Omarion's description, we immediately despatched an armed response unit to the scene and after a short chase we managed to pop five caps in his weasely arse."
"shoot to graze" didn't really catch on
and try as they might
they could never perfect "shoot to wind"
No. They thought 5 bullets in the head would subdue the guy...
"Now don't do it again"
Talk about giving someone a 'clip' around the ear
If you see what I mean there.lol

Terrorist indeed!
Man outside Stockwell tube wearing a heavy jacket in summer and a baseball cap, most likely a local crack fiend rightly alarmed by attentions of plainclothes police with guns legs it into station and gets ironed out.

C&P from bbc
"One of them was carrying a black handgun - it looked like an automatic - they pushed him to the floor, bundled on top of him and unloaded five shots into him."

Since when did people "unload" bullets into other people? The Grand Theft Auto-isation of the nation is almost complete.

BBC have edited it now and removed "unloaded"
but now they've put in the word MOTHERFUCKER!

Isn't that foreplay in GTA?

No foreplay these days
straight down to the in-and-out by all accounts.
*strokes joypad*
BBC quotes member of public
who uses terminology learnt from cultural exposure to movies and video games SHOCKA.

I like this:
"I actually saw it with my own eyes." (what was the other option, borrowing the person next to you's?)

The BBC Website
"I blame Tarantino..."

Stockwell tube
Rumour has it that Bruce Willis in a vest is busy hunting them down.

armed police have surrounded a mosque in East London.

Bet they were holding the guns at a *funny* angle too.

And pull
a Steven Seagall grimace...

The BBC Website

btw at least us brits kill terrorists an not like them dumbass yankies who talk a good war ,lol
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Do you have some sort of machine, where you just think stuff and it appears on the screen ??

The Happy Slapping was the best one.........
I would love to say
"Yes ...Bow To The Comic God ...!!! A'La Ricky Gervais ,
I will save you from sweaty Asians with bags
but I just collected funnies today from sites an UK webmaster forum boards I go to ...

you gotta laugh though , or you would scream , knowing on monday your fellow countrymen are back on the tube too work an abdullah ,lol
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