Be prepared.

[libby lou lou]

yes

 

[Steve]

Um, er...excuse me, um, are you... are you suggesting we should
eat my mother?(pause)
Yeah. Not raw, not raw. We cook her. She'd be delicious with a few
french fries, a bit of stuffing. Delicious! (smacks his lips)
What! (he stammers)
(pause)
Actually, I do feel a bit peckish - No! NO, I can't!
Look, we'll eat your mum. Then, if you feel a bit guilty about it
afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up into it.
All right.

Monty Python

Is that an actual quote from MP? I can picture John Cleese saying the bits in italics.

 

[tim west]

Is that an actual quote from MP? I can picture John Cleese saying the bits in italics.

The undertaker sketch in it's entirety

The Undertaker's Sketch from Monty Python's Contractual Obligations Album

MAN: (entering a shop) Um, excuse me, is this the undertaker's?
UNDERTAKER: Yup, that's right, what can I do for you, squire?
M: Um, well, I wonder if you can help me. My mother has just died
and I'm not quite sure what I should do.
U: Ah, well, we can 'elp you. We deal with stiffs.
M: (aghast) Stiffs?
U: Yea. Now there's three things we can do with your mum. We can bury
her, burn her, or dump her.
M: Dump her?
U: Dump her in the Thames.
M: (still aghast) What?
U: Oh, did you like her?
M: Yes!
U: Oh well, we won't dump her, then. Well, what do you think: burn her,
or bury her?
M: Um, well, um, which would you recommend?
U: Well they're both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames,
crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she's not
quite dead. But quick. And then you get a box of ashes, which you can
pretend are hers.
M: (timidly) Oh.
U: Or, if you don't wanna fry her, you can bury her. And then she'll get
eaten up by maggots and weevils, nibble, nibble, nibble, which isn't
so hot if, as I said, she's not quite dead.
M: I see. Um. Well, I.. I.. I.. I'm not very sure. She's definitely dead.
U: Where is she?
M: In the sack.
U: Let's 'ave a look.

(FX: rustle of bag opening)

U: Umm, she looks quite young.
M: Yes, she was.
U: (over his shoulder) FRED!
F: (offstage) Yea!
U: I THINK WE'VE GOT AN EATER!
F: (offstage) I'll get the oven on!
M: Um, er...excuse me, um, are you... are you suggesting we should
eat my mother?
(pause)
U: Yeah. Not raw, not raw. We cook her. She'd be delicious with a few
french fries, a bit of stuffing. Delicious! (smacks his lips)
M: What! (he stammers)
(pause)
M: Actually, I do feel a bit peckish - No! NO, I can't!
U: Look, we'll eat your mum. Then, if you feel a bit guilty about it
afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up into it.
M: All right.

 

[masona]

...opt for a totally DIY funeral...

How can I DIY my funeral? I'll be dead!

Sleep in a coffin everynight