Being a parent = life sentence ?

[Estrella]

Just finished watching Amy Winehouse's fathers documentary about living with a famous daughter and obviously the not inconsiderable heart ache the poor guy must go through due to her much publicised issues with a variety of substances. After watching the program I have no doubt that the guy is almost definitely due a heart attack.

Something he said that most definitely resonated with me was his parting statement in the documentary. '' I must learn and accept that I cannot be there to protect her all of the time''. And that has stuck with me. As a father to three daughters, when/ how do you let go? If indeed you can ever let go. My parents must have done it, or did a damn good job of faking it. But I can see me struggling with the exact same problem that Ms W's father has. What makes me worry is that I can see it killing him

As I type this my eldest daughter (14) is sat in the kids lounge with her 17 year old boyfriend. My wife tells me he is a lovely lad and in fairness he comes from a good family and is extremely courteous and polite whenever we have spoken. Certainly not your average chav. He seems to treat my daughter well and makes her happy. So why the f##k do I want to steam in there and take his head off with a baseball bat ?


Obviously my wifes parents went through this with me and came out the other side, but I just wonder how fathers of daughters cope.

 

[Bahco]

Obviously my wifes parents went through this with me and came out the other side, but I just wonder how fathers of daughters cope.

I have an 11 yr old and do not want to think that she will be having boyfriends etc. I want to protect her from boys and would rather she kept away.

We know what boys are always thinking about!

 

[Norcon]

So why the f##k do I want to steam in there and take his head off with a baseball bat ?

 

[Estrella]

So why the f##k do I want to steam in there and take his head off with a baseball bat ?

I showed some restraint in my post. What I would really like to do to him would be censored on here

have an 11 yr old and do not want to think that she will be having boyfriends etc. I want to protect her from boys and would rather she kept away.

We know what boys are always thinking about!

Couldn't agree with you more mate. Just the thought drives me crazy. I keep sending my other daughters and the dog in there at regular intervals to make sure they don't have much time on their own

 

[ColJack]

just put up a sign saying "these premises are monitored by hidden CCTV cameras"..
then when your daughter isn't watching you, point at the book case or the alarm in the corner of the room ( anywhere you could secrete a camera with a view of the setee etc ) and whisper to the lad "Just remember, I've got my eye on you.."

 

[Estrella]

point at the book case or the alarm in the corner of the room ( anywhere you could secrete a camera with a view of the setee etc ) and whisper to the lad "Just remember, I've got my eye on you.."

That creased me. Love it!

Still keeping the baseball bat as a fall back option though. And to be fair he has seen me with an axe, so hopefully that has registered as well

 

[ScottCheg]

No kids per chance Coljack?

 

[ColJack]

you ban them from the bedroom alone untill she's 16 at least..

as for the watchfull eye of dear old daddy in the sitting rooms then the alternative is a chaperone...

 

[Johnmelad502]

All you have to do is set a few basic rules. Feel free to adapt these as you see fit.

Rules for Dating My Daughter
Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear earrings and their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, you think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very, very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Saigon. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[JohnD]

I once heard someone say "by preventing them being sexual at home we condemn them to doing it in phone boxes and cemetries"

You won't stop them

 

[Estrella]

JML, printing those off as we speak


Coljack - Yup, kids lounge is all they are allowed. Any other room is strictly prohibited.

JohnD - I fear you are right.

 

[ColJack]

I once heard someone say "by preventing them being sexual at home we condemn them to doing it in phone boxes and cemetries"

You won't stop them

that's fine, that means that at least 4 months of the year they won't be doing anything as it's too cold...

 

[Estrella]

I once heard someone say "by preventing them being sexual at home we condemn them to doing it in phone boxes and cemetries"

You won't stop them

that's fine, that means that at least 4 months of the year they won't be doing anything as it's too cold...

Another good point. Thankfully my daughter has inherited her mothers outlook with regards to heat. 'if its less than 25c, it's freezing''

 

[Stivino]

I once heard someone say "by preventing them being sexual at home we condemn them to doing it in phone boxes and cemetries"

You won't stop them

that's fine, that means that at least 4 months of the year they won't be doing anything as it's too cold...

The by product of friction. . . is heat!

 

[ScottCheg]

My eldest daughter is 20 but still lives in the family home. I try to stand back with regards to her boyfriend - now. She is forging a successfull career and her bloke is a self employed chippie. He is doing fairly well. BUT, when thay have a disagreement, I'm always ready to have a go at him.

Parental love is not comparable. Its so strong, and when I hear stories of parents 'forgiving' their partners for hurting their own off-spring it makes my blood boil.

Scot.