I nearly died you know! :D

[Blasphemous]

Now considering I just came out of hospital 2 weeks ago today, following a, and I quote, 'Near Fatal Asthma Attack and Pneumonia' then this could so easily have been me! I didn't even know I had Asthma!!! It scared the sh*t out of my wife... I wasn't exactly over the moon about it! But I loved this joke all the same.



A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful cream slice complementary from the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!'




The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed...........

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. What did you buy?'

 

[securespark]

Speaking as a person literally brought back from the dead, I can approve of that one!

 

[Mw Roofline]

I dont think i was that close but I was rushed to hospital following a ruptured stomach ulcer, my Hemoglobin was down to 8 point something and had to have an emergengy blood transfusion.

 

[namsag]

See they are now investigating out of body cases. Basically by asking them when they die can you see the picture .
They are putting pictures into resuscitation rooms that can only be seen from the ceiling
Out of the people they bring back they say 20% claim to have an out of body experience and they reckon this will help prove either way.

I have an out of body experience most weekends usualy around half 2 saturday morning.

 

[Bahco]

I have an out of body experience most weekends usualy around half 2 saturday morning.

You take your time then

 

[LionsDen]

Credit Crisis Hits Japan - many casualties



Following the huge financial problems rocking the very foundations of the U.S. economy and the run on Northern Rock and Bradford & Bingley in the UK, and the spectacular failures of Fortis and Hypo in Europe, uncertainty has now hit Japan hard.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

 

[tim west]

I once had a bad graze on me knee

 

[Deleted member 105431]

Credit Crisis Hits Japan - many casualties



Following the huge financial problems rocking the very foundations of the U.S. economy and the run on Northern Rock and Bradford & Bingley in the UK, and the spectacular failures of Fortis and Hypo in Europe, uncertainty has now hit Japan hard.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

not to mention the feng shui bank who've had to have a major reshuffle of company assets. . . .

 

[Blasphemous]

I once had a bad graze on me knee

And you're still here to tell the tale Tim. Wow you're my hero.

 

[tim west]

And you're still here to tell the tale Tim.

Had it not been for very quick action with a plaster there's no telling what might have happened!

 

[gregers]

i once had a splinter,




















never did get the rest of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

 

[securespark]

And you're still here to tell the tale Tim.

Had it not been for very quick action with a plaster there's no telling what might have happened!

Thank heavens an ambulance with a cardiac arrest patient was passing by at the time!

 

[tim west]

Thank heavens an ambulance with a cardiac arrest patient was passing by at the time!

I'll have you know i'm not that callous......I did give him money for a taxi.

 

[namsag]

Tim and his grazed knee reminds me of a mate who went through a glass door head first 450 stitches in his face and looked feking horrendous the next day when i visited him in stoke mandeville never want to see anything like that again.
So phone up another mate to tell him how bad it is etc etc and he replies .
"I have not been too well myself this week i think i have a bit of a head cold"
Priceless

 

[gigz]

Reminds me of ....................



A queue of women outside a bingo hall, when a funeral cortege passing has to stop at the lights. A lady steps out of the queue and places a single red rose on top of the coffin and takes her place back in the queue. The lady next to her says "that was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen, god bless you" the first lady replies "Well he was a good husband to me"