Its the way i tell em!!

22 Oct 2004
Reaction score
United Kingdom

Two blondes walk into a'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
Sponsored Links
very good :LOL: the clocks go back next week, (mine won't as i have paid for it)
doesnt the subject cary on, i never know what to put.

In total there are 17 users online (3 Registered, 1 Hidden and 13 Guests)
Most users ever online was 142 on Tue Aug 03, 2004 11:51 am
Registered Users: AdamW, polo, swageblock

Hmmm....breezer you hiding??? are we to seek?
Sponsored Links
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with bottom problems.... "Doctor, it's
me *hrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot". So the doctor gets
him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is
a £20 note lodged up here." Tentatively he eases the twenty out of
the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears. "This is
amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient. The doctor
pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and
another and another, etc.... Finally the last note comes out and no more
appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat"s moch batter, how moch is
dare den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990

(Wait for it............)

"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling
two grand."
Sponsored Links