keys, the right one?

[planenut]

Why is it, if you have two keys in your pocket, 75% of the time you take it out, (the key), it's the wrong one?

I suppose it's the same logic that causes me to mis-calculate the length of time a DIY job will take by two thirds!

 

[pipme]

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Why ? Why? Why?

P

 

[2scoops0406]

If buttered toast always lands buttered side down, and cat's always land on their feet, what happens if you strap a piece of buttered toast (butter side up) onto the back of a cat and then drop the said combination. Surely they must simply rotate in mid air?

 

[ninebob]

If buttered toast always lands buttered side down, and cat's always land on their feet, what happens if you strap a piece of buttered toast (butter side up) onto the back of a cat and then drop the said combination. Surely they must simply rotate in mid air?

The Buttered Cat Principle

The Facts...
If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on it's feet.

The Problem Statement...

But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

The answer...

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and ticked off aliens crash on top of them.

 

[kendor]

If buttered toast always lands buttered side down, and cat's always land on their feet, what happens if you strap a piece of buttered toast (butter side up) onto the back of a cat and then drop the said combination. Surely they must simply rotate in mid air?

The Buttered Cat Principle

The Facts...
If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on it's feet.

The Problem Statement...

But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

The answer...

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and ticked off aliens crash on top of them.

sorry ninebob you didn't take one important factor into consideration......during it's plummet the fleas on the cat's back will have jumped onto the buttered side of the toast and sucked all the butter away and therefore the cat will land on it's side. Formula= 1 cat x 1 piece of toast - butter / toast with butter + frisky cat = side landing it's so obvious!

 

[oilman]

Another total quote. Kendor, you didn't used to log on as "sterose" did you?

 

[pipme]

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

P

 

[securespark]

Cos they go for broke on your account!!

Nine - lovely theory - can I have some of what you're on???

 

[ninebob]

Nine - lovely theory - can I have some of what you're on???

Sadly I can't claim the credit for it, it's nicked from the web.

If you google "Cat Butter Toast", there are enough variations on the theme to keep you amused for hours!

 

[kendor]

Another total quote. Kendor, you didn't used to log on as "sterose" did you?

Damn i thought i'd taken one of the periods out

 

[planenut]

Should the cat not eat the toast, and presuming the equilibrium is maintained in lifting said space-ship, would not the presence of another being, trying to feed the Common Antigravity Transducer, cause an imbalance resulting in a CATastrophy?

 

[kendor]

What! you mean they may all end up as toast?