Leprechaun and the golfer (joke)

24 Oct 2006
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United Kingdom
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now...' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job... How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'.........
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A Japanese couple come over for the Open, at the Royal, by invitation, from a top UK player and his wife, the husband has a bye, and spend the night before the start having a lovely dinner together in their hotel.

As the night progresses, the British player only has eyes for his Japanese friends wife, and then eventually, the favour is returned, and they sneak off, to a side room, in the dark, and make love, like only young lovers know.

The British man is giving his all, and the Japanese lady is shouting "Kayo oti!", "Kayo oti!!!", so the Brit is giving more of himself to her, and she screams ever more loudly.

Eventually, they finish their business, and return to their rooms, and have a nights sleep..

Next day, at the 3rd, the Japanese gentleman, hits a hole in one, and the Brit, congratulating him, remembers his previous night of passion, shouts out "Kayo oti! Kayo oti!!!!", the Japanese gent turns to him, and states - 'What the HELL do you mean WRONG HOLE??' :LOL:

In hindsight that 'could' refer to Tiger, but I would prefer not to be sued..
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A wide boy golfer, goes down to his local course, and at the 18th hole, par 4, gets a hole in one, never done before. As he retrieves his ball from the hole a leprichaun (he was dyslexic), pops up, and says, 'As you acheived this; you get one wish, none of this three wishes nonsense that you see on the TV, and in threads...just ONE. OK?'

He says, well I have had a little fella down below, and my wife has been complaining, so can you make the little man grow?

Granted, and the dyslexic leprechaun disappears in a poor of smock.

For many years, the man and his wife are very happy, but things get out of hand, so the man returns to golf, and ignores his wife.

He spends day and night, hitting from the pin, on the 18th, attempting to resurrect his wishes, eventually, hitting a hole in one, he plucks his balls out of the hole, and the dyslexic leprechaun pops up, 'Ah you my friend! Hows it going?',

'Not so good I'm afraid, replies the golfer'

'Whys that me good friend...'

Well you know I asked you to grow my bits downstairs? Well they kept on growning, and we are now at hole 18, but my willy is at hole 12 ??

Oh dear, says the impish wish giver that still kont speal..What would your wish from me?

My wife is very happy...can you give me longer legs please? :p
I only know one golf joke. I actually posted it a year ago but here it is again. Sad or what! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

A man walked into the nineteenth hole and saw his friend sobbing into his beer so he asked him what was up.

"You see that new guy over there?"

"What, the one who couldn't hit an open manhole?"

"Yeah, that's him. Well he challenged me to a round today, as long as I gave him three strokes head start and two gotchas, whatever they were. So I'm standing there, just about to tee off, when he grabs my balls from behind and shouts GOTCHA! I missed the shot by miles."

"But surely he could only do that twice."

"Have you ever played a round of golf waiting for another gotcha?"