Skeleton has no stomach so beer ends up on floor, the he cleans it up with a mop.
I think
LMFAO
NICE EXPLANATION! 
Stupid joke of the day
- Thread starter Shytalkz
- Start date
LMFAO
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Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Essex girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Essex girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Blonde walks into a pizza shop and orders a pizza, pizza guy asks if she wants that cut into 6 or 12 pieces, blonde replies ohhh 6, I don't think I could eat 12
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Giraffe goes into a bar and asks for pint of larger. "that will be £10 please"says barman, Giraffe gives barman £10. Barman says to Giraffe "we don't get many Giraffes in this bar" Giraffe says "at 10 quid a pint i'm not surprised"
penguin walks into a bar, says to the bartender "has my dad been in" he replies "i dont know what does he look like"
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A guy is 70 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming but then again he heard the voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
The old man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
The old man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
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A young ventriloquist was doing a show. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting:
'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes,' she screamed. 'What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor.'
The embarrassed young ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde yelled, 'You stay out of this, I'm talking to that little guy on your lap'!
'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes,' she screamed. 'What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor.'
The embarrassed young ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde yelled, 'You stay out of this, I'm talking to that little guy on your lap'!
Two deaf blokes go into a bar.
One goes to the bar and orders: "Snthtwo pinths of lager pleasth". Barman pours them and say "That's £11.32, please".
"How mutch?!!!" says the deaf bloke.
"£11.32" repeats the barman
"Fthuck me, thaths exspensifth" says the deaf bloke
"Landlord's orders," shouts the barman, "to pay for the music played in here."
"But me and my mateth are deaf, we can'th hear the muthic" says the deaf bloke "but if we have to pay for ith, mighth asth well tell me what sthort of muthic it isth - isth it pop muthic?"
"No" says the barman
"Isth it bluesth muthic?"
"No" says the barman
"Isth it hiphop muthic then?"
"No" says the barman again
"Oh I fthucking give up" says the deaf bloke "tell me what it isth then"
"Country and Western" says the barman
"What?" says the deaf bloke
"COUNTRY AND WESTERN!" shouts the barman
"Oh, ok, thankth" says the deaf bloke.
He takes the drinks over to his mate and says "Take your time drinking theseth, coth they're fthucking exthpensthif".
"How muthch were they then?" says his mate
"Eleven poundth and thirty two penth!!!"
"Fthuck me, you weren't kiddingth, whyth that then?"
"He reckonth itth to pay for the muthic, even though I told himth we can't fthuncking hear it!"
"Oh, right, so ith it pop muthic then?"
"No"
"Hardth rock muthic?"
"No"
"Techthno muthic?"
"No!"
"ok, I give up, what thort of muthic ith it then?"
"Well, Im thnot too sthure, but I think he sthaid something abouth sthome c*nt from Presthton"
One goes to the bar and orders: "Snthtwo pinths of lager pleasth". Barman pours them and say "That's £11.32, please".
"How mutch?!!!" says the deaf bloke.
"£11.32" repeats the barman
"Fthuck me, thaths exspensifth" says the deaf bloke
"Landlord's orders," shouts the barman, "to pay for the music played in here."
"But me and my mateth are deaf, we can'th hear the muthic" says the deaf bloke "but if we have to pay for ith, mighth asth well tell me what sthort of muthic it isth - isth it pop muthic?"
"No" says the barman
"Isth it bluesth muthic?"
"No" says the barman
"Isth it hiphop muthic then?"
"No" says the barman again
"Oh I fthucking give up" says the deaf bloke "tell me what it isth then"
"Country and Western" says the barman
"What?" says the deaf bloke
"COUNTRY AND WESTERN!" shouts the barman
"Oh, ok, thankth" says the deaf bloke.
He takes the drinks over to his mate and says "Take your time drinking theseth, coth they're fthucking exthpensthif".
"How muthch were they then?" says his mate
"Eleven poundth and thirty two penth!!!"
"Fthuck me, you weren't kiddingth, whyth that then?"
"He reckonth itth to pay for the muthic, even though I told himth we can't fthuncking hear it!"
"Oh, right, so ith it pop muthic then?"
"No"
"Hardth rock muthic?"
"No"
"Techthno muthic?"
"No!"
"ok, I give up, what thort of muthic ith it then?"
"Well, Im thnot too sthure, but I think he sthaid something abouth sthome c*nt from Presthton"
A man arrives home drunk one night and realises he's forgotten his keys. He looks through the letterbox and sees the cat sat in the hallway. "Psst" he says to get the cats attention. The cat looks at him.
He tells the cat, "Go upstairs, look in the wardrobe and look in the left pocket of my Barbour coat. My keys are in there. Bring them downstairs and pass them to me through the letterbox".
The cat says, "Me? How?"
He tells the cat, "Go upstairs, look in the wardrobe and look in the left pocket of my Barbour coat. My keys are in there. Bring them downstairs and pass them to me through the letterbox".
The cat says, "Me? How?"
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