- Joined
- 14 Mar 2005
- Messages
- 5,777
- Reaction score
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- Country
> REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
> summer long, building and improving his house and
> laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
> thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
> the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm
> and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food
> or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
>
> THE END
>
>
>
> THE BRITISH VERSION:
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
> summer long, building his house and laying up
> supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
> a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
> away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well
> fed.
>
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper,
> calls a press conference and demands to know why the
> squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed
> while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper,
> are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide
> live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with
> cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable
> warm home with a table laden with food.
>
> The British press inform people that they should be
> ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor
> grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others
> have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal
> Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate
> in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC,
> interrupting a cultural festival special from
> Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi
> cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken
> Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor
> McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of
> grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
> the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
> increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner
> London.
>
> In response to pressure from the media, the
> Government drafts the Economic Equity and
> Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
> the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes
> are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for
> failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the
> work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
> for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper
> did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided
> with a council house, financial aid to furnish it
> and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
> can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is
> seized and re distributed to the more needy members
> of society, in this case the grasshopper.
>
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the
> fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the
> squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
> home. The local authority takes over his old home
> and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum
> seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to
> Britain as they had to share their country of origin
> with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the
> airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
>
> The cats had been arrested for the international
> offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were
> immediately released because the police fed them
> pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
> Initial moves to then return them to their own
> country were abandoned because it was feared they
> would face death by the mice. The cats devise and
> start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit
> cards.
>
> A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing
> up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is
> still months away, while the council house he is in,
> crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
> maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
> Inadequate government funding is blamed for the
> grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
>
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for
> their treatment since arrival in UK.
>
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old
> dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs
> habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately
> because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He
> is placed in the care of the probation service to
> monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has
> killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
>
> A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost
> £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
>
> Additional money is put into funding a drug
> rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid
> for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
> increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by
> the government for enriching Britain's multicultural
> diversity and dogs are criticised by the government
> for failing to befriend the cats.
>
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual
> sections of the press blame it on the obvious
> failure of government to address the root causes of
> despair arising from social inequity and his
> traumatic experience of prison.
>
>
> They call for the resignation of a minister.
>
> The cats are paid a million pounds each because
> their rights were infringed when the government
> failed to inform them there were mice in the United
> Kingdom.
>
> The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
> hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies
> have to pay an additional percentage on their credit
> cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to
> pay for law and order and they are told that they
> will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall
> in government funds.
>
> THE END
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
> summer long, building and improving his house and
> laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
> thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
> the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm
> and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food
> or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
>
> THE END
>
>
>
> THE BRITISH VERSION:
>
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
> summer long, building his house and laying up
> supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
> a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
> away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well
> fed.
>
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper,
> calls a press conference and demands to know why the
> squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed
> while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper,
> are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide
> live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with
> cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable
> warm home with a table laden with food.
>
> The British press inform people that they should be
> ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor
> grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others
> have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal
> Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate
> in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC,
> interrupting a cultural festival special from
> Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi
> cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken
> Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor
> McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of
> grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
> the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
> increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner
> London.
>
> In response to pressure from the media, the
> Government drafts the Economic Equity and
> Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
> the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes
> are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for
> failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the
> work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
> for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper
> did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided
> with a council house, financial aid to furnish it
> and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
> can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is
> seized and re distributed to the more needy members
> of society, in this case the grasshopper.
>
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the
> fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the
> squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
> home. The local authority takes over his old home
> and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum
> seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to
> Britain as they had to share their country of origin
> with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the
> airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
>
> The cats had been arrested for the international
> offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were
> immediately released because the police fed them
> pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
> Initial moves to then return them to their own
> country were abandoned because it was feared they
> would face death by the mice. The cats devise and
> start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit
> cards.
>
> A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing
> up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is
> still months away, while the council house he is in,
> crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
> maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
> Inadequate government funding is blamed for the
> grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
>
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for
> their treatment since arrival in UK.
>
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old
> dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs
> habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately
> because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He
> is placed in the care of the probation service to
> monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has
> killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
>
> A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost
> £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
>
> Additional money is put into funding a drug
> rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid
> for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
> increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by
> the government for enriching Britain's multicultural
> diversity and dogs are criticised by the government
> for failing to befriend the cats.
>
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual
> sections of the press blame it on the obvious
> failure of government to address the root causes of
> despair arising from social inequity and his
> traumatic experience of prison.
>
>
> They call for the resignation of a minister.
>
> The cats are paid a million pounds each because
> their rights were infringed when the government
> failed to inform them there were mice in the United
> Kingdom.
>
> The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
> hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies
> have to pay an additional percentage on their credit
> cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to
> pay for law and order and they are told that they
> will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall
> in government funds.
>
> THE END
