The Squirrel

14 Mar 2005
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United Kingdom
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
> summer long, building and improving his house and
> laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
> thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
> the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm
> and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food
> or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
> The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
> summer long, building his house and laying up
> supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
> a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
> away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well
> fed.
> A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper,
> calls a press conference and demands to know why the
> squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed
> while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper,
> are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide
> live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with
> cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable
> warm home with a table laden with food.
> The British press inform people that they should be
> ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor
> grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others
> have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal
> Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate
> in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC,
> interrupting a cultural festival special from
> Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi
> cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken
> Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor
> McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of
> grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
> the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
> increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner
> London.
> In response to pressure from the media, the
> Government drafts the Economic Equity and
> Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
> the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes
> are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for
> failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the
> work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
> for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper
> did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided
> with a council house, financial aid to furnish it
> and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he
> can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is
> seized and re distributed to the more needy members
> of society, in this case the grasshopper.
> Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the
> fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the
> squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
> home. The local authority takes over his old home
> and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum
> seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to
> Britain as they had to share their country of origin
> with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the
> airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
> The cats had been arrested for the international
> offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were
> immediately released because the police fed them
> pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
> Initial moves to then return them to their own
> country were abandoned because it was feared they
> would face death by the mice. The cats devise and
> start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit
> cards.
> A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing
> up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is
> still months away, while the council house he is in,
> crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
> maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
> Inadequate government funding is blamed for the
> grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
> The cats seek recompense in the British courts for
> their treatment since arrival in UK.
> The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old
> dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs
> habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately
> because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He
> is placed in the care of the probation service to
> monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has
> killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
> A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost
> £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
> Additional money is put into funding a drug
> rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid
> for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
> increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by
> the government for enriching Britain's multicultural
> diversity and dogs are criticised by the government
> for failing to befriend the cats.
> The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual
> sections of the press blame it on the obvious
> failure of government to address the root causes of
> despair arising from social inequity and his
> traumatic experience of prison.
> They call for the resignation of a minister.
> The cats are paid a million pounds each because
> their rights were infringed when the government
> failed to inform them there were mice in the United
> Kingdom.
> The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
> hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies
> have to pay an additional percentage on their credit
> cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to
> pay for law and order and they are told that they
> will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall
> in government funds.
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Tha ant can't be happy at having been displaced by the political squirrel...reread your Aesop.
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Those green bastards . They come over here, hopping about and chirruping. Disgusting. More DDT I say, that'll teach them.
ban-all-sheds said:
Zampa said:
Something long and, well, long
Was it supposed to be funny?

God knows BAS...i just copied and pasted it..I neither wrote it or read it actually...just thought some punters on here might find it interesting

To many long words and far to compicated for me im affriad
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