Things people say

[AdamW]

After posting about the musings of a strategically shaven ape in a local pub, I thought I would start a thread on things people say. You know, those daft things that don't really make sense when you apply logic.

1. "You're going home in an ambulance" - Funny, they always seem to drive straight to the hospital, seldom dropping anyone off home on the way

2. "You're gonna wake up unconscious/dead" - Kind of "unpossible", methinks

3. "You'll be eating through a straw" - Now, I would think that eating usually consists of biting and chewing on solids. Surely "you'll be drinking liquidised food through a straw" would be more correct?

4. "I'm going to put your nose on the back of your face" - Granted, if a plastic surgeon told me this whilst I was being anaesthetised, I would feel there was a danger of truth in this. But I doubt this man has any grasp of the complexities of reconstructive medicine.

5. "I'm going to kick your a**e" - Have you ever actually seen someone do this? I believe it is a confusionary tactic. Your opponent then thinks "Right, better watch that right foot and my left buttock then!" and whilst trying to protect against that, you actually punch them.

 

[ninebob]

6. "I'm going to knock you into the back of next week" - wow, your punch is so hard it can faciliate time travel? And where exactly is the back of next week, anyway?

 

[2scoops0406]

Cheap at half the price??? Of course.

 

[kendor]

"you've never had it so good"

 

[TexMex]

"Let them eat cake", like.. that's bad? I love cake!

 

[breezer]

where no hand has set foot? (kenny everitt)

 

[2scoops0406]

"Let them eat cake", like.. that's bad? I love cake!

Wan't that the point?

 

[kendor]

I suppose it would have been better if it was "let them eat mouldy bit's of cheese"
another is "you can't have your cake and eat it"
or one that's out of date these days: "they're ten a penny"

 

[TexMex]

"Let them eat cake", like.. that's bad? I love cake!

Wan't that the point?

Could be, I never did pay attention during History.

A couple of my granma's favourite
"You'll get your eye in a sling"
"You've got no ignition"

Or one of my mothers gafs, When she discovered her hand whisk (that I had attempted to modernise with a sewing machine motor).
"What's happened to my egg whisk, It's all out of context"

 

[AdamW]

"Let them eat cake", like.. that's bad? I love cake!

Actually that is an Anglicism... The original quote, "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" should be translated to "Let them eat brioche". I believe it was Marie Therese (NOT Marie Antoinette), when there were starving peasants outside. She couldn't understand why they were hungry, and as a queen had anything she wanted. So, she pretty much said "Well, give them brioche then!" which to her was just something to go with her tea, but to them would have been luxury.

Obviously years ago in England few people would have known what brioche was, so people said cake instead. I should get out more.

Another one:

"You don't know you're born!" - Now I know what it means, "you don't know how good you have it", but I have never figured out where the born bit comes from... Unless it is saying that you are so well cosetted that you may as well be in the uterus.

 

[AdamW]

"Let them eat cake", like.. that's bad? I love cake!

I love cake too! Pies as well. Perhaps a little TOO well!

 

[kendor]

"You'll go Blind!"
"They'll stay that way"

 

[architect]

How about some words that women use (like daggers at times) ..........

FINE ......... This is the word a woman will use at the end of any argument where she feels she is right, but needs to shut you up. NEVER use "Fine" to describe how a woman looks.
This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES ........ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that a man's football match is going to last before he empties the dustbin.

NOTHING......... This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ......... This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ............ This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH ............ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH ........... Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. You're best bet is don't move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY ......... This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some real big trouble.

PLEASE DO ............. This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS ......... A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT ............ This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing"

 

[ninebob]

another is "you can't have your cake and eat it"

And that's a stupid saying too... What the hell is the point of having your cake if you can't eat it? Why else would you buy cake?

 

[dingbat]

1. "Rules are made to be broken"

No, actually, they're not.

2. "The exception that proves the rule"

Nothing to do with the first one and (before AdamW gets in )completely nonsensical in it's modern interpretation. Prove = test, hence the exception that tests the rule.

3. Careless use of the word 'literally' in anything other than a literal sense. For example, "I literally jumped out of my skin!" Now, that I'd love to see.

4. "Almost [or very] unique" It's either unique or it's not.

5. Every bleeding bulletin board poster who writes "could/would/should of" and misspells 'definitely'.