Thanks for all the responses.
Firstly, I wrote that last line because I see a lot of sarcastic comments in some threads on the forum and I wouldn't have the patience to have to reply to them. You're right, nationality shouldn't have made a difference.
I wasn't sure if there were professionals here who dedicate some of their time to any charities that offer their service for free, like a planning draft application to the council etc, like the SOS DIY people that I mention. I guess I cheekily ask this question because I spend 25 hours volunteering as a chair of governos at a school because nobody else wants to step up and do this time consuming task (compared to an ordinary school governor) and also work for an IT charity and student mentoring, so I was hoping there might be another crazy individual here who might either be willing to try after reading this sob story or point me in the right direction (apart from the local facebook group that you mention).
W/C and stairlift are very good suggestions which I hadn't considered. Anyone know the cost of a stair lift (it will be a straight run typical size for a 3 bed semi as per photo). He has a front living room filled full of junk I suppose if that was cleared out he could use that as a bedroom (he is single). There isn't room for a GF W/C unless we build a smaller extension on the side to just accommodate that rather than a full blown extension. Don't think it will really add value to the home so much as any new buyer will rip it out to build a proper full size extension but this may well be a half way house solution to him having to spend £30k plus for the same privilege. Will call Age UK too, thanks.
Thanks for the Wiltshire farm foods suggestion. I'm definitely going to recommend that. He has point blank refused any carers coming to visit him but I do feel he needs them. Attendance allowance is another excellent idea. I should have thought of that as I claimed this for my own mother given her age and disabilities. The top rate of £80 odd will help to convince him to spend a bit, even if it means having one nice fancy Wiltshire food meal a day (he cooks for himself). I really feel he needs to start treating himself more at this age. He seemed to enjoy a basic outing to Costco and a jacket potato when I took him 2 years ago!
Thanks for the price estimate for a daily carer. Suggestions for how I approach this, do I do it via the council or directly with a random caring company?
Thanks for the suggestion of the BRL. He often gets free taxi rides by the Taxi Association to memorial / war events in Holland and other place. I think the Black taxi association have a charity arm that helps vetrans. But I will also speak to the BRL.
Highly unlikely he will get help from the council because of his savings and state pension (or so he has alluded to without me probing further about the level of his savings). My father got a grant from the council several years ago to help with the cost of a disabled bathroom we were building as part of a side extension but very difficult to get this now due to council funding issues. I have called them in the past and they have fitted adaptions i.e. handle bars in bathrooms and handrail on stairs etc which he is appreciative of. Mobility scooter would not be appropriate for him given his reduced mobility in recent years.
Yes I have even tried the neck strap emergency button and he even stops me mid sentence saying "I know what you're going to suggest next, but I dont want one of those".....its so frustrating. He can be really stubborn but when I push him, he tends to cave in and go with my judgement. His 70 year old nephew once got the police to breakdown the door after he drove some 40 miles because the old man didn't answer his door and his nephew thought he had died or had an accident. This was the one time I took him out to Costco. Old man was not pleased so I had to claim on his insurance for a new window and door. His nephew suggested I be a secondary keyholder as I live locally, but I feel uncomfortable holding a set of keys in case something happens and finger pointing starts by any extended family......I'm probably over thinking this.
Thanks for the link, seems cost effective for a couple of hundred a year, I will propose that.
I also gave away / back to the distributor a stair lift with a bend when I bought my home. Not sure if one size fits all though second hand. Last thing I want is also for him to get stuck on a use one half way down the stairs. New is probably better. ANy idea on cost?
I sympathise with your comment about dehydration in the care home. I know several relatives of residents when my father was in a care home for 8 months complain about the same and the daily reports do not seem believable when they said my father drank x ml a day as he had a swallowing problem. It's known for care homes to fiddle the numbers to ensure compliance. They are also under staffed and not able to dedicate more than x mins per resident. Quite sad really.