12 Feb 2014
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United Kingdom
How many men does it take to open a beer ?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman ?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men ? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart ?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me . . ."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig ?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV ?"
I said, "Dust !"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Neither God nor Man has rested since.

Why do men die before their wives ?
They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Some of those remind me of the great Les Dawson.
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