well they may be £3 over the topic limit,but i got hold of my hound keks from screwfix and they near enough, although they aint dickies quality
Work trousers for under 20sheets?
- Thread starter Richardthe3rd
- Start date
..........and the pockets, are they shallow??
nope
anyway like a poster commented earlier on in the thread about pockets or elephants ears, the more you have the more ****/crap you carry round in them and that is so true
anyway like a poster commented earlier on in the thread about pockets or elephants ears, the more you have the more ****/crap you carry round in them and that is so true
What does concern me somewhat with these troosers; my big mate Bawbag the Spark had a very unfortunate incident with them, let's just say it involved bellend & zip!!!....
He said the fly is lethal!! Can you please experiment with your acorn & get back to me?Pmsl of all the odd requests you see on here Richard
That's right up there lol
That's right up there lol
Well wish me luck fellas, I'm going in with no elephant ears!! Yes, it'll be tough but Gerry better look out, what, what!!
You've guest it, I bought a pair of the 9 quid Aldi's specials, I even done up my flies without incident!! Mind you, they're a snug fit around the auld family jewels??!! The quality, sizes & fit are very good, all in all great value for the money.
You've guest it, I bought a pair of the 9 quid Aldi's specials, I even done up my flies without incident!! Mind you, they're a snug fit around the auld family jewels??!! The quality, sizes & fit are very good, all in all great value for the money.
Imagery I do not need in my fragile condition this morning Dicky.
Fashion or function? That is the basic requirement, surely!? Oh, and longevity!!! 4 pairs of bog standard that are functional and comfy or one pair of pants that sum poncey french dude "created" and have fangly wangly bits!?
I've bought 2 pairs of the Aldi "creations" and they seem ok.
Mind you... I have but 1 slight criticism... The seam from waistband to crotch needs reinforcement. I always seen to wear out a hole midway
And although I roll me own tabs n smoke wi me left hand I always get a curious brown stain on my right index finger! Please explain!?
On the subject of libations Msr. Dicky le Turd.... what have the Scots ever given us in terms of beerious libations!?
Get down the frog n Parrot in Sheffield and purchase a 1/2 pint of Roger n Out.... they only sell it in 1/2 pints. And if you can't get home after a session you can always kip out on the train station with the meths drinkers!
I've bought 2 pairs of the Aldi "creations" and they seem ok.
Mind you... I have but 1 slight criticism... The seam from waistband to crotch needs reinforcement. I always seen to wear out a hole midway
And although I roll me own tabs n smoke wi me left hand I always get a curious brown stain on my right index finger! Please explain!?
On the subject of libations Msr. Dicky le Turd.... what have the Scots ever given us in terms of beerious libations!?
Get down the frog n Parrot in Sheffield and purchase a 1/2 pint of Roger n Out.... they only sell it in 1/2 pints. And if you can't get home after a session you can always kip out on the train station with the meths drinkers!
had a look at those aldi keks today. but they only had the fat ******* sizes left
a lot of features in them for £9
a lot of features in them for £9
Stuart and June. Stuart and Adis go dog walking.
Today Stuart is going dog walking for his friends Adis and Jayne. Stuart likes doggies. He knows all of the local dogs names. There’s Ray the builder whose dog is called Monty, Rex the boxer from round the corner and Honey the golden retriever who poops in the ginnel where Stuart walks to get the bus. Stuart’s wife, June, knows he likes dogs (see at least half of Stuart’s former girlfriends thinks June) but she won’t let him have one.
Poor Stuart!
Stuart says that to truly understand a dog’s mentality you have to try and think and behave like a dog to win their trust. Stuart’s wife, June, agrees but thinks that Stuart really should draw a line at getting down on his hands and knees to exchange mutual butt sniffs.
Stuart goes round to Adis and Jayne’s house and knocks on the door. Immediately there is a loud barking noise, the noise of skidding paws and a loud bang on the inside of the door.
This makes Stuart jump violently. See the dust cloud rise from Stuart’s mucky clothes.
Stuart is a scruff bag. Today he is wearing odd socks (again) baggy undies with a hole in the butt where he scratches all the time, trousers where the zip fly won’t stay up, a paint stained tee shirt and a fleece jumper with suspicious white secretions underneath the arm pits. Do you know how to make a wet suit, bit by bit, with silicone sealant? Stuart does!
Adis answers the door. “Ey up, mucky pup!” says Adis. Stuart quite wrongly assumes that Adis must be talking to the dog; Adis and Jaynes Staffordshire bull terrier, Tyson.
“Nah then. Yoreet?
Adis is from Rotherham.
“Reckon allaf ter ger wi thee fot walk ‘im fert first time aht. Ee cun gerra bit giddy tha nos till ee gets fot know thee. Ees numb as a box o’ rocks but soft uz shi-ite”
Stuart thinks about all of those news reports about Shiites that live in the Middle East and thinks that they can often be terribly violent. Stuart is confused.
“Ere, stick these in yer sky rocket” Adis says to Stuart as he stuffs some plastic bags into Stuarts pocket.
“What are these bags for?” says Stuart
“Yerl see,” says Adis. Stuart and Adis put Tyson on his lead until they get to the park and then let him off for a run. They see Mr Paige with his two boxer dogs, Ben and Jerry, frolicking at the bottom of the hill. Tyson, the staff, races off towards them to say hello. What fun! After they’ve all sniffed each others bottys, they jump around a yap excitedly at each other. Oh what giddy pups!
Stuart claps his hands together and jumps up and down with excitement. Adis gives Stuart a funny look, shakes his head in bemusement and then a look of panic comes across his face.
“Tyson, cummere…. Nah!” Adis bellows.
Adis has seen sees Miss Mott and her little German lap dog, Poozle, coming down the hill towards them. Adis angrily exclaims,
“Ah wish that she wunt lerrer dog off its lead. Shez a reet randy lirrl bitch n am not runnin off owam ergen ferra nutha bucket o cowd watter!”
Stuart ponders a while. He’s thinking, is Adis referring to Miss Mott or Poozle her doggy?
“Hellooooo boyeeez” says Miss Mott, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling coyly.
Miss Mott owns the special shop in Attercliffe with the blacked out windows.
Stuart sometimes spends all of his pocket money in her shop on “do-it-yourself” books
that he keeps on the top shelf in his lock up.
“Hello, Miss Mott!” say Mr Paige, Adis and Stuart simultaneously. What fun!
Tyson gets very excited when he sees Poozle.
“Nargh, norragen. Tyson putcha lipstick away!” Shouts Adis.
See Tyson jump up on the back of Poozle for a piggy back ride. Stuart is confused and scared. Stuart ducks quickly behind Adis for safety. Why would a doggy want to put on makeup anyway? Very strange!
Adis gives Tyson a strong yank on his chain, but he isn’t strong enough.
“Giz un ‘and lanky!” Stuart reaches around and together Adis and Stuart manage to pull Tyson away from Poozle.
“C’mon, wir off owem!” says Adis angrily.
Adis and Stuart skip off back up the hill away from the scene.
When Stuart gets home, he takes off his shoes on the back step and smells the soles. Yuk! Paint Stuarts face green. June is repairing a pair of Stuarts work trousers.
June says., “what have you been up to and what’s that awful smell?”
“Well,” says Stuart, “Me and Adis have been dogging. Mr Paige had his boxers off at the bottom of the park and Miss Mott had her schnauzer out. Adis went nuts at the doggy style antics and I had to give him a reach around to get him off.” Paint Junes face bright red!
Do you know how to make a voodoo doll out of sewing needles and pins? June does.
Poor Stuart.
Today Stuart is going dog walking for his friends Adis and Jayne. Stuart likes doggies. He knows all of the local dogs names. There’s Ray the builder whose dog is called Monty, Rex the boxer from round the corner and Honey the golden retriever who poops in the ginnel where Stuart walks to get the bus. Stuart’s wife, June, knows he likes dogs (see at least half of Stuart’s former girlfriends thinks June) but she won’t let him have one.
Poor Stuart!
Stuart says that to truly understand a dog’s mentality you have to try and think and behave like a dog to win their trust. Stuart’s wife, June, agrees but thinks that Stuart really should draw a line at getting down on his hands and knees to exchange mutual butt sniffs.
Stuart goes round to Adis and Jayne’s house and knocks on the door. Immediately there is a loud barking noise, the noise of skidding paws and a loud bang on the inside of the door.
This makes Stuart jump violently. See the dust cloud rise from Stuart’s mucky clothes.
Stuart is a scruff bag. Today he is wearing odd socks (again) baggy undies with a hole in the butt where he scratches all the time, trousers where the zip fly won’t stay up, a paint stained tee shirt and a fleece jumper with suspicious white secretions underneath the arm pits. Do you know how to make a wet suit, bit by bit, with silicone sealant? Stuart does!
Adis answers the door. “Ey up, mucky pup!” says Adis. Stuart quite wrongly assumes that Adis must be talking to the dog; Adis and Jaynes Staffordshire bull terrier, Tyson.
“Nah then. Yoreet?
Adis is from Rotherham.
“Reckon allaf ter ger wi thee fot walk ‘im fert first time aht. Ee cun gerra bit giddy tha nos till ee gets fot know thee. Ees numb as a box o’ rocks but soft uz shi-ite”
Stuart thinks about all of those news reports about Shiites that live in the Middle East and thinks that they can often be terribly violent. Stuart is confused.
“Ere, stick these in yer sky rocket” Adis says to Stuart as he stuffs some plastic bags into Stuarts pocket.
“What are these bags for?” says Stuart
“Yerl see,” says Adis. Stuart and Adis put Tyson on his lead until they get to the park and then let him off for a run. They see Mr Paige with his two boxer dogs, Ben and Jerry, frolicking at the bottom of the hill. Tyson, the staff, races off towards them to say hello. What fun! After they’ve all sniffed each others bottys, they jump around a yap excitedly at each other. Oh what giddy pups!
Stuart claps his hands together and jumps up and down with excitement. Adis gives Stuart a funny look, shakes his head in bemusement and then a look of panic comes across his face.
“Tyson, cummere…. Nah!” Adis bellows.
Adis has seen sees Miss Mott and her little German lap dog, Poozle, coming down the hill towards them. Adis angrily exclaims,
“Ah wish that she wunt lerrer dog off its lead. Shez a reet randy lirrl bitch n am not runnin off owam ergen ferra nutha bucket o cowd watter!”
Stuart ponders a while. He’s thinking, is Adis referring to Miss Mott or Poozle her doggy?
“Hellooooo boyeeez” says Miss Mott, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling coyly.
Miss Mott owns the special shop in Attercliffe with the blacked out windows.
Stuart sometimes spends all of his pocket money in her shop on “do-it-yourself” books
that he keeps on the top shelf in his lock up.
“Hello, Miss Mott!” say Mr Paige, Adis and Stuart simultaneously. What fun!
Tyson gets very excited when he sees Poozle.
“Nargh, norragen. Tyson putcha lipstick away!” Shouts Adis.
See Tyson jump up on the back of Poozle for a piggy back ride. Stuart is confused and scared. Stuart ducks quickly behind Adis for safety. Why would a doggy want to put on makeup anyway? Very strange!
Adis gives Tyson a strong yank on his chain, but he isn’t strong enough.
“Giz un ‘and lanky!” Stuart reaches around and together Adis and Stuart manage to pull Tyson away from Poozle.
“C’mon, wir off owem!” says Adis angrily.
Adis and Stuart skip off back up the hill away from the scene.
When Stuart gets home, he takes off his shoes on the back step and smells the soles. Yuk! Paint Stuarts face green. June is repairing a pair of Stuarts work trousers.
June says., “what have you been up to and what’s that awful smell?”
“Well,” says Stuart, “Me and Adis have been dogging. Mr Paige had his boxers off at the bottom of the park and Miss Mott had her schnauzer out. Adis went nuts at the doggy style antics and I had to give him a reach around to get him off.” Paint Junes face bright red!
Do you know how to make a voodoo doll out of sewing needles and pins? June does.
Poor Stuart.
Sorry! Couldn't resist. 
Even sorrier for the guy who posted the original post.
Well at least if he hasn't sorted out the leeking loo...
A. he'll be informing the forum mods or
B. finding an alternative place to miturate whilst gufawing
Even sorrier for the guy who posted the original post.
Well at least if he hasn't sorted out the leeking loo...
A. he'll be informing the forum mods or
B. finding an alternative place to miturate whilst gufawing
Fashion or function? That is the basic requirement, surely!? Oh, and longevity!!! 4 pairs of bog standard that are functional and comfy or one pair of pants that sum poncey french dude "created" and have fangly wangly bits!?
I've bought 2 pairs of the Aldi "creations" and they seem ok.
Mind you... I have but 1 slight criticism... The seam from waistband to crotch needs reinforcement. I always seen to wear out a hole midway
And although I roll me own tabs n smoke wi me left hand I always get a curious brown stain on my right index finger! Please explain!?
On the subject of libations Msr. Dicky le Turd.... what have the Scots ever given us in terms of beerious libations!?
Get down the frog n Parrot in Sheffield and purchase a 1/2 pint of Roger n Out.... they only sell it in 1/2 pints. And if you can't get home after a session you can always kip out on the train station with the meths drinkers!
Get real fella, you're English, you sit in the Pub all night & nurse half a shandy, the English don't know how to drink properly & the beer is weak, warm pi.. water. As for your other drivel, my eyes started to glaze over after reading two lines.........
Oh, what jolly banter 
Today, Stuart has been to work. Stuart has a part time job as a handyman at the local bingo hall. Stuart does lots of different work from changing light bulbs to unblocking toilets. What fun!
They’re very strict about health and safety and Stuart isn’t allowed to use power tools with a plug. He can only use battery operated tools. Stuart’s wife Joan has some battery powered tools too. But Stuart isn’t allowed to use them. Joan thinks that Stuart doesn’t know where they’re hidden; but Stuart found them one day when he was putting washing away…. At the bottom of her knickers drawer! Do you know what a rampant rabbit is? Joan does!
Stuart sometimes gets work on the side that Joan doesn’t know about. Do you know what a brown envelope is? Stuart does!
Stuart gets a phone call; it’s Mrs Clarke from Rotherham. Mrs Clarke says
“I’ve got a problem with my upstairs heating. The radiators won’t get hot.”
Stuart says that he’ll pop round later that afternoon and see if he can sort it out.
Stuart has to catch the bus as he crashed his van into a lamppost so he has to carry all of his tools around in a big pink and purple ruc-sac. Joan says that Stuart looks like a homeless person in his scruffy work clothes, his battered sac, with his rough goatee beard and beeny hat. Do you know what a razor blade is? Joan says that Stuart doesn’t!
Stuart arrives at Mrs Clarke’s house. She asks Stuart to leave his sac in the hallway and take off his shoes as she’s had new carpets fitted all through the house. Stuart goes upstairs to investigate the problem. Mrs. Clarke says,
“The downstairs radiators are fine and dandy but upstairs are all cold!”
Instantly Stuart knows what the problem is.
“The radiators haven’t been bled properly and are all full of air.” Clever Stuart!
Do have a problem with trapped air? Stuart often has, but his valve releases it all of the time. Are you familiar with the smell of rotting vegetables and sulphur? Stuart’s wife Joan is. See the clothes peg on her nose!
Stuart skips back downstairs and empties all of his tools onto the vestibule floor and selects the correct tool for the job. Quickly, he goes back upstairs to vent the radiators with his radiator bleed key. He meets Mrs Clarke in the front bedroom. Mrs Clarke has been doing some washing as the clothes are airing on the radiator. Stuart says,
“If you get down on your knees with me I can show you what to do should it happen again. It’s really easy and you won’t have to pay me again if it reoccurs.” Kind Stuart! Stuart carefully moves the clothes to one side so he can get to the bleed nipple and release the air until water comes out. Stuart forgets to catch the dirty water on a cloth and it drips onto the floor. Silly Stuart! Paint Stuarts face red! Mrs Clarke tells Stuart not to worry as it shouldn’t stain.
Soon, all of the radiators are banging hot. Mrs Clarke thanks Stuart and slips him some beer money!
Stuart packs away his tools in his ruc-sac and waves goodbye as he hops and skips his way back to the bus stop to go home.
When Stuart gets home, Joan is making some pastry.
“You’ve been out a long time. What have you been up to?” says Joan.
(This is where the story really starts)
“Well” says Stuart. “Mrs Clarke asked me to go round to her house as she had a problem with trapped air and she wanted to get hot upstairs. First I emptied to contents of my heavy, swollen, pink sac onto her vestibule floor. Then we went up into her bedroom and I asked her to get down on her hands and knees so I could show her what to do. I had to move her bra to one side so I could get to the nipple. Then I inserted my tool and twisted it several times till fluid came out. I had no protection and ended up splashing out on her carpet. Can I have some of that apple pie?” Joan thinks that Stuart has had enough pie for today. Do you think that a marble rolling pin makes a good birthday present? Stuart doesn’t. See the lumps! Poor Stuart!
Today, Stuart has been to work. Stuart has a part time job as a handyman at the local bingo hall. Stuart does lots of different work from changing light bulbs to unblocking toilets. What fun!
They’re very strict about health and safety and Stuart isn’t allowed to use power tools with a plug. He can only use battery operated tools. Stuart’s wife Joan has some battery powered tools too. But Stuart isn’t allowed to use them. Joan thinks that Stuart doesn’t know where they’re hidden; but Stuart found them one day when he was putting washing away…. At the bottom of her knickers drawer! Do you know what a rampant rabbit is? Joan does!
Stuart sometimes gets work on the side that Joan doesn’t know about. Do you know what a brown envelope is? Stuart does!
Stuart gets a phone call; it’s Mrs Clarke from Rotherham. Mrs Clarke says
“I’ve got a problem with my upstairs heating. The radiators won’t get hot.”
Stuart says that he’ll pop round later that afternoon and see if he can sort it out.
Stuart has to catch the bus as he crashed his van into a lamppost so he has to carry all of his tools around in a big pink and purple ruc-sac. Joan says that Stuart looks like a homeless person in his scruffy work clothes, his battered sac, with his rough goatee beard and beeny hat. Do you know what a razor blade is? Joan says that Stuart doesn’t!
Stuart arrives at Mrs Clarke’s house. She asks Stuart to leave his sac in the hallway and take off his shoes as she’s had new carpets fitted all through the house. Stuart goes upstairs to investigate the problem. Mrs. Clarke says,
“The downstairs radiators are fine and dandy but upstairs are all cold!”
Instantly Stuart knows what the problem is.
“The radiators haven’t been bled properly and are all full of air.” Clever Stuart!
Do have a problem with trapped air? Stuart often has, but his valve releases it all of the time. Are you familiar with the smell of rotting vegetables and sulphur? Stuart’s wife Joan is. See the clothes peg on her nose!
Stuart skips back downstairs and empties all of his tools onto the vestibule floor and selects the correct tool for the job. Quickly, he goes back upstairs to vent the radiators with his radiator bleed key. He meets Mrs Clarke in the front bedroom. Mrs Clarke has been doing some washing as the clothes are airing on the radiator. Stuart says,
“If you get down on your knees with me I can show you what to do should it happen again. It’s really easy and you won’t have to pay me again if it reoccurs.” Kind Stuart! Stuart carefully moves the clothes to one side so he can get to the bleed nipple and release the air until water comes out. Stuart forgets to catch the dirty water on a cloth and it drips onto the floor. Silly Stuart! Paint Stuarts face red! Mrs Clarke tells Stuart not to worry as it shouldn’t stain.
Soon, all of the radiators are banging hot. Mrs Clarke thanks Stuart and slips him some beer money!
Stuart packs away his tools in his ruc-sac and waves goodbye as he hops and skips his way back to the bus stop to go home.
When Stuart gets home, Joan is making some pastry.
“You’ve been out a long time. What have you been up to?” says Joan.
(This is where the story really starts)
“Well” says Stuart. “Mrs Clarke asked me to go round to her house as she had a problem with trapped air and she wanted to get hot upstairs. First I emptied to contents of my heavy, swollen, pink sac onto her vestibule floor. Then we went up into her bedroom and I asked her to get down on her hands and knees so I could show her what to do. I had to move her bra to one side so I could get to the nipple. Then I inserted my tool and twisted it several times till fluid came out. I had no protection and ended up splashing out on her carpet. Can I have some of that apple pie?” Joan thinks that Stuart has had enough pie for today. Do you think that a marble rolling pin makes a good birthday present? Stuart doesn’t. See the lumps! Poor Stuart!
Ah, it's Janet & John stories. Cleverly written, but it loses it's appeal if not read out by Terry Wogan.
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