Increased consumption of Bass ale, should make the OP's motions less viscous, and limit their adhesion to the porcelain. Also dispenses with the need for an alarm clock to wake you in morning.
I think the problem maybe in modern toilet design. They have to use less water, so the bottom of the pan appears to be designed to hold less water.
Older design pans have more area and depth of water in the bottom, but this presents a problem with splasback.
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