E
EdwardCurrent
Apologies
Ed.
Ed.
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Go to your family and friends. It will be awkward, but that will soon blow over, as there is every chance that they will/do understand why you've moved away from them. The support and help that they can give you will completely overpower any awkwardness that there may be.
Few people can ever get through traumatic times on their own - attempting it will screw you up even more, so make the most of the people that were once important to you - you just have to reach out to them, and if they're true friends, they will be there for you.
4 months isn't long enough to get over the loss of someone you care about, but it will get better as time passes.
Good luck.
It may or may not work for you, but maybe posting on a forum will help start those discussions that you really need. (but not this one, as it will get hijacked, trolled, flamed and then you'll feel even worse
)
Few people can ever get through traumatic times on their own - attempting it will screw you up even more, so make the most of the people that were once important to you - you just have to reach out to them, and if they're true friends, they will be there for you.
4 months isn't long enough to get over the loss of someone you care about, but it will get better as time passes.
Good luck.
It may or may not work for you, but maybe posting on a forum will help start those discussions that you really need. (but not this one, as it will get hijacked, trolled, flamed and then you'll feel even worse
)
J
joinerjohn
Hello Edward, Sorry to hear about the loss of a dear friend. My mate lost his wife about 18 months ago and we were very close with him and his family. He was gutted. I saw him a few times after the funeral but stopped visiting him simply because he was grieving and quite honestly, visiting him was hard. He only wanted to talk about his wife and I was in tears listening to him.
However, a year after ,I went to see him, (felt really awkward as it had been a long time since I last visited him) and found he was quite a lot better. The grieving process is a long one I'm afraid and is different for many people.
Now 18 months on, he's adapted really well. You can still detect the sorrow in his voice when he mentions his late wife.
As for your close friend's family, they'll still be grieving. No matter how awkward you feel, perhaps give them a call, meet up and reminisce.
You'll be surprised how much it can help the process by talking.
However, a year after ,I went to see him, (felt really awkward as it had been a long time since I last visited him) and found he was quite a lot better. The grieving process is a long one I'm afraid and is different for many people.
Now 18 months on, he's adapted really well. You can still detect the sorrow in his voice when he mentions his late wife.
As for your close friend's family, they'll still be grieving. No matter how awkward you feel, perhaps give them a call, meet up and reminisce.
You'll be surprised how much it can help the process by talking.
I lost my wife some years ago and only last Tuesday a dear friend of mine suddenly lost his wife and my best friends brother in law died suddenly recently. Just before that my cousins son died in a building accident.
Just wanted to let you know your not on your own and that isolating yourself for too long is not a good thing.
Your friends family and friends are leaving you alone because they must know how you feel and I reckon that will be so pleased to see you again and will welcome you with open arms. You have to go to them. Take his mother/wife/partner some flowers.
You will, I assure you, get over the pain.
What surprisingly help me when, quite by accident, I found myself on my own in a tiny village church. I cried my eyes out and it did me a world of good.
Your friend would not want you to be sad for long.
Just wanted to let you know your not on your own and that isolating yourself for too long is not a good thing.
Your friends family and friends are leaving you alone because they must know how you feel and I reckon that will be so pleased to see you again and will welcome you with open arms. You have to go to them. Take his mother/wife/partner some flowers.
You will, I assure you, get over the pain.
What surprisingly help me when, quite by accident, I found myself on my own in a tiny village church. I cried my eyes out and it did me a world of good.
Your friend would not want you to be sad for long.
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The best way to get over something like this is time twinned with helping/doing something for the very needy, ie. kids who have lost parents and find themselves all alone or old folk with noone to help them etc. I have people I look after in the countrys where it's needed the most ( 3rd world, I help a woman with 3 kids trying to survive and feed them )and I help out in my own area.
Just my tuppence worth, it works, try it.
PS. it helped me when I had close people to me who passed away, and I hope it helps you too.
Just my tuppence worth, it works, try it.
PS. it helped me when I had close people to me who passed away, and I hope it helps you too.
Even if I visit his resting place a million times it isn't going to change a damn thing.
I think repeat visits like this can keep you from moving on in your life (which is something you must do, for your own sake) Make a date for your next visit, and make it the last one for a while. Maybe 6 months after that and then once a year on a special date (birthdays are happier events to remember than the date that someone died)
As mentioned, don't isolate yourself otherwise the people you avoid will think it's something to do with them and may come to resent you.
Also don't feel that you have to apologise for feeling sad, you are entitled to be, and if you show it, then those care about you will go out of their way to cheer you up as best they can.
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We know people who have lost children: a teenager and a newborn to be precise.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1284633/Boy-17-dies-falling-4th-floor-balcony-party.html
It is utterly tragic and heart-wrenching to lose anybody, especially so if it's before their time.
Take time to grieve in your own way.
But do get in touch with your friend's family. I know you feel awkward now and I'm sure his family do too, it is an awkward time because you just don't know what to do or say to help.
But, the healing process is a two-way thing and you never know: it may well be beneficial for both you and his family to meet.
And one final thing: You've got nothing to apologise for.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1284633/Boy-17-dies-falling-4th-floor-balcony-party.html
It is utterly tragic and heart-wrenching to lose anybody, especially so if it's before their time.
Take time to grieve in your own way.
But do get in touch with your friend's family. I know you feel awkward now and I'm sure his family do too, it is an awkward time because you just don't know what to do or say to help.
But, the healing process is a two-way thing and you never know: it may well be beneficial for both you and his family to meet.
And one final thing: You've got nothing to apologise for.
Edward, I would take the advice of most people here, be brave and go and see the family, you have got alot to gain and very little to lose.
joes approach is very blunt but shock tactics can work just as effectively when combined with "a cry on a shoulder" in some cases, which seems to be very prevalent now. There has to be a ballance & it rather depends how early & how it’s affected the person involved but in no way how “strong” the person is perceived to be. Often personal “life” events compound the problem so it's not easy to say what actually pushes them OTT; & the more confident achievers always fall the hardest
OP; if it all gets too much for you don’t be afraid of going to your GP & spill the beans; sometimes even the strongest are the most affected & need professional help, counselling & even drugs to get over the hill; it can be a bit of a journey back but you will look back with confidence!
OP; if it all gets too much for you don’t be afraid of going to your GP & spill the beans; sometimes even the strongest are the most affected & need professional help, counselling & even drugs to get over the hill; it can be a bit of a journey back but you will look back with confidence!
i sadly lost my closet m8 over 2 years ago,im 42 now and we had been friends since infant school,now how many people can honestly say that losing a close friend doesnt hurt?
we could go weeks without seeing one another but we were always there for one another at a drop of a hat.,we were god parents to each others children and i was best man at his wedding,i was asked to be a pall bearer for him it was a honer to be asked to help him on his last journey. it is a massive hole that has been left,but it does get easier,you wont forget him,you just manage your thoughts in a different way so you can get on with your life,even now i go outside look to the sky and have have a chat so to speak.
after his death we used to get together for a drink every month with all his friends after about 1.5 years it stopped,we all felt we had done enough to remember him.we still meet up on his birthday for a drink to remember him.
dont cut your self off from his family,get back in touch with them,THEY WILL UNDERSTAND why you have been awol from there lives,people deal with grief in different ways.
and if you have no 1 to talk to just unload on here,im sure some b,ugger will shred you to pieces or even make you laugh?
we could go weeks without seeing one another but we were always there for one another at a drop of a hat.,we were god parents to each others children and i was best man at his wedding,i was asked to be a pall bearer for him it was a honer to be asked to help him on his last journey. it is a massive hole that has been left,but it does get easier,you wont forget him,you just manage your thoughts in a different way so you can get on with your life,even now i go outside look to the sky and have have a chat so to speak.
after his death we used to get together for a drink every month with all his friends after about 1.5 years it stopped,we all felt we had done enough to remember him.we still meet up on his birthday for a drink to remember him.
dont cut your self off from his family,get back in touch with them,THEY WILL UNDERSTAND why you have been awol from there lives,people deal with grief in different ways.
and if you have no 1 to talk to just unload on here,im sure some b,ugger will shred you to pieces or even make you laugh?
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He lost a mate 4 months ago. I lost someone far closer 3 months ago. You have to deal with grief - not turn it into anger or self pity. Everyone will be touched by grief. Why deny it? It's not insensitive to say so - it's just dealing with it in a rational way.
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Show a little sensitivity mate. Leave your 'flaming' outside the thread.
J
Johnmelad502
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