Christmas wishes...the leftie version...

14 Mar 2005
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United Kingdom
Politically-correct Christmas greeting

Please accept with no obligation, implicit or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with total respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, and their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (not to imply the Britain is necessarily greater than any other country nor is it the only "BRITAIN" in the northern hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual orientation and choice of computer platform of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wishee actually to implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
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Only 3 years ago? I had it in Christmas 2000: why did YOU get it so late? Are you a n00b?!

Obviously I am not as long in the tooth as you.
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oilman said:
Obviously I am not as long in the tooth as you.


I was highlighting a problem with the internet: the "I haven't seen it, therefore it's new" phenomenon.

In a Freudian fashion, one generally goes through several stages of internet usage:

1) The newb stage. You get something hilarious, or offering something fantastic if you forward it to 15 people in the next 3 minutes. So you decide to show everyone

2) The n00b stage. You see a newb and think "What?! I saw this ages ago, it's not new, what is this guy thinking?!" So proceed to tell them that YOU have already seen the thing they are showing you.

3) The seasoned surfer. You see the n00b, think "Wow, he's being a bit harsh to that newb." Then you remember you would have probably done the same thing.

Some then go into stage 4.

4) The "I don't care, I'll post it either way" stage. This is equivalent to the "public flatulence without embarassment" stage of human life. You are comfortable enough in your existence that you post stuff without giving a second thought to the 1-3s. The 3's spot you are a 4, but the 2's think you are a 1. Right up until you give them a lesson in Java script, assembler code or some other non-newbish facet of computing.

It's not a new phenomenon. When I was 7 I remember an older kid making me feel very silly by telling me "That joke you just told is ancient, everyone else already knows it!".... When the fact is, such a joke was probably told back on the musichall stages of the 1930s!