Disgusting depending on your viewpoint

[david and julie]

Felix - I also do some work for asexual health service for young people.
What I find very worrying is the amount of VERY young girls who come for emergency contraception (the morning after pill). They look like they should be at home playing with their dolls - On occasions they sometimes come with their Mums - I find it really upsetting when I see the Mums trying to be 'cool' but they are really heartbroken about their daughters being sexually active at such early ages - I've seen them sat behind their daughters wiping away their tears.

Many of the young people are having oral sex instead of intercourse as they think it's not really having sex (Bill Clinton again!!) and they can't get pregnant - if you try to respectfully discuss their behaviour with them they roll their eyes and sigh......
One 14 yrs old girl told me that what did I know about sex I was too old!!!

When I was talking to another about HIV/STI's she said 'well, it wouldn't matter if you got it when you're 40 or 50 as your nearly dead then anyway!!'
I really don't know what the answers are - as there are lots of sexual health services available for young people (I don't think there was anything available when I was a teenager in the 1970's, apart from family planning clinics).
The government is also plowing lots of money into this area of sexual health but it doesn't seem to be having any impact as the incidence of STI's amongst young people is increasing as well as teenage pregnancy and abortions.

 

[Damocles]

I think you showed the answer in your example. The mums are crying because their baby suddenly isn't behaving like a baby but like a woman. An uneducated and unready one perhaps, but a functioning adult. It is not going to improve until mums (and dads) are willing to give sex education before it might be needed rather than after.

The frequent complaints about morality and how come people are having sex so early are the root of the problem. So long as you refuse to acknowledge that people actually do start getting interested in sex closer to 10 than 20 you will always end up with new adults who do not know what they need to.

Perhaps your 14 year old had a point. Probably not complaing about you, but really about her parents. I would think she was accustomed to adults who either did not remember what it was like, or believed it ought to be forbidden.


Is there a problem about the sample in the survey you mentioned? I can only imagine this is the sort of survey where you asked people very discreetly and very probably rather a lot either refused to answer or walked in the opposite direction to avoid the questioner. It might be that only the bravest or more foolhardy were willing to answer the questions and these were exactly the group who might also engage in other more risky behaviour.

 

[kendor]

Another classic thing that men say when they come to GUM is:
'You're not going to put the umbrella down my **** are you?'

Yet another old wives tale! It can take ages to reassurance them that no needles or 'umbrellas' are going to be used on their genitals as they are so wound up about it - most of the information has been given to them by friends who've never attended a clinic!

Julie

Unless they are those expensive £15 umbrellas from Timpsons!

 

[petewood]

Unless they are those expensive £15 umbrellas from Timpsons!

Now I know why the manager didn't want to take it back!

 

[felix]

Sorry Julie, I seem to have left a bit off my unequivocal advice. The missing words are "AND STAY THERE".

Perhaps your 14 year old had a point. Probably not complaing about you, but really about her parents.

Damocles beat me too it!

Many of the young people are having oral sex instead of intercourse as they think it's not really having sex (Bill Clinton again!!) and they can't get pregnant

Well they'll have great difficulty getting pregnant that way but I'm not sure about HIV.

But what do they mean, not really having sex! I'd rather hoped that the definition of sex as sticking an urgent penis into an indifferent vagina died a long time ago. Obviously not. This narrow minded approach to the sex might be a big part of the problem. If teenagers would just learn how to make love with their whole bodies instead concentrating on the reproductive bits they'd find it a whole lot easier to play safe. Did I say teenagers? Correction, that's jolly good advice for pensioners too!

I remember another thread in which I bemoaned the sorry state of so-called sex education in our schools. Let's elaborate:

Lesson one: "Your largest single piece of sexual equipment is the stuff that covers you all over."

Lesson two: "Your most important piece of sexual equipment is between your ears."

Rats! The so-called 'swear word' detector got me again. I wonder if it'll accept dick? Mods, I'm sorry but I think it's a bit much that I have to use a swear word instead of the correct medical term.

 

[kendor]

The feelings for sex i think are more primordial, it's only when you get to an older age and the body is less willing that it becomes a moral decision

 

[felix]

Kendor, I think you're onto something there. Although we humans invariably form pairs - and are the only species that uses sex for this purpose - there's still a dollop of our non-pair-bonding past lurking in the background. Amongst most other animals the rule for males is "fertilize as many females as you can while keep other males away" and for females "get all your eggs fertilized by the biggest, nastiest male you can find".

The remnants of these obsolete rules still remain. Most boys enter puberty intent on working their way through the entire female population and too many girls find themselves perpetually drawn towards total s**ts. (I call this the Ike and Tina syndrome.)

I recall a Question Time type program back in the eighties in which the audience were teenagers. The entire program was devoted to STD's and unwanted pregnancies. There was one moronic yob at the back who thought it was cool to never carry a condom. His attitude was that if the girl didn't have any contraception that was her problem. He reckoned this gave him higher status amongst his friends and made him more attractive to the girls. The worrying thing is that he was probably right on both counts!

If he sounded stupid then a lot of the girls weren't much better. At least half of them considered that sex was something they could easily do without so why carry a condom. How many would eventually be proved wrong? Fortunately most of the boys had a more mature attitude so there was some hope.

So what's the cure for all that ignorance? Proper sex education that's what! New rule for males: Find a compatible mate and stick with her. You don't get high grade sex on any other basis. New rule for females: Ask yourself a simple question. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with an a**ehole? If sexual love is the supreme human experience (and I assure you it is) then somewhere along the line it was reduced to a grubby squalid little game and it's high time we undid the damage.

 

[Damocles]

I am not sure I would entirely agree with you on two fronts. The first is whether we are naturally designed to live as pairs. I remember some staistics about the extremely high proportion of people whose father is not who they think he is. This rather suggests rampant out of pair behaviour.

Peering further into our past I do not know whether the human line lived as pairs or groups. We do use sex as a relationship bonding device but I do not know whether this only works with pairs or might equally work with groups. Few people live in groups like that nowadays but some do. I do not know whether this is instinct or merely learnt behaviour. It is true we have an instinctive distrust of strangers. It might be that bonding within a group rather than a pair was more important in the distant past.

The second is the issue of age and sex. I agree sensual sex is something which tends to be appreciated much more with age and experience. But I also think it is a terrible waste of youthful stamina to be finished in 30 seconds. It would be much better advise to tell those starting out that they should be aiming towards sex sessions lasting 30 hours.

 

[kendor]

The second is the issue of age and sex. I agree sensual sex is something which tends to be appreciated much more with age and experience. But I also think it is a terrible waste of youthful stamina to be finished in 30 seconds. It would be much better advise to tell those starting out that they should be aiming towards sex sessions lasting 30 hours.

Bl**dy Hell Superman!

 

[felix]

Damocles wrote:

The first is whether we are naturally designed to live as pairs.

That's a fair question. It seems obvious that we must have evolved from a non-pairing ape. Evolution is a gradual process so who says the transition is complete. I think we are both saying the same thing; it isn't complete and that's the root cause of many of our problems, probably including the tendency for 'leaders' down through the ages to try and stamp out sex wherever they see it. It was after all their ancestors' exclusive privilege.

It might be that bonding within a group rather than a pair was more important in the distant past.

That's a perfect description of the pygmy chimp, our closest living relative.

It would be much better advice to tell those starting out that they should be aiming towards sex sessions lasting 30 hours.

My thoughts exactly; with time out for eating and sleeping of course.

Bl**dy Hell Superman!

Kendor, unless that was a joke you've missed the whole point!

 

[Scoby_Beasley]

Bloody hell, it's took me years to get to under thirty seconds (including sticking the kettle on ), now you're telling me I've been going the wrong way !!

 

[petewood]

It would be much better advise to tell those starting out that they should be aiming towards sex sessions lasting 30 hours.

This is what I aimed for, when I 'started out' at Uni., and I was successful enough for it to contribute in a big way to my failure to obtain a degree after 3 years. If I were to achieve it again nowadays, my business would suffer. (But I suppose I would be wearing a big smile a lot of the time.)

 

[felix]

If I were to achieve it again nowadays, my business would suffer.

So what? As the leader of the Black Widows didn't quite say in Any Which way You Can: "Business is business but hey, sex is sex!"

I also notice that the lack of a degree didn't upset your business plan - but that's the subject of a different thread.

 

[kendor]

they should be aiming towards sex sessions lasting 30 hours.

Bl**dy Hell Superman!

Kendor, unless that was a joke you've missed the whole point!

Don't know about missing the point? I think i'm missing out!

 

[Damocles]

very important to find someone who also has the time for it